Your Logo For Love

Untitled design (14)

Here’s a great idea from Clara, and I’m turning it into a Tool:

“Dear Rori,
An Idea I had – it is a bit silly but who knows you might like it…
Why not make yourself a LOGO, or a Trade Mark Symbol in the Figure of a Siren or a Goddess or Mermaid ? And also a small line condensing the Idea behind this Logo ? And this would be on all of your programs and on your eLetters, products and so forth ?

And women of this wonderful blog could Print it out and Put in a Frame in their house or office or both or tattoo it if they like? How about this?

I guess it would be a nice reminder of who we really are inside thanks to you :)

Blessings and Love, Clara”

Clara – Thank you so much for this!  so – Let’s all do it, and let’s call it YOUR LOGO:

1. Get out some paper and some crayons or markers and a pencil

2. Sit down, close your eyes and imagine yourself in a “place of peace.”  Perhaps it’s by the ocean, on a tropical beach, or in a mansion on a hill, or…wherever YOU feel incredible and peaceful.

3. Now bring yourself into the picture and get really comfortable there.

4.  Now – bring in your “Full-Potential-Self.”  This is you as your most fully realized, ecstatic, highest, most at peace self.

5. Really look at her.  Notice what she’s wearing, her hair, how she holds her body.

6. Now let her walk toward you, holding out her arms and her hands to you.  Allow her to take your hands in hers, and then to embrace you completely in her arms – imagining how her magnificent energy is coming into your body and making you feel more and more like her.

7. Now fully notice that this amazing creature IS YOU.  And that you and she are the same woman. That you share the same soul, the same heart, the same Love.

8. Let her give you her strength and command of her full self and her world, her peacefulness  and Love, and let her love you totally.

9. Let her stay with you – loving you, giving you beautiful, powerful energy – for 10 breaths, in and out, slowly, and then slowly, gently, let her go.  Let her stand far enough away from you that you can see her.

10. Now take out your pencil and paper and draw a few lines or squiggles that FEEL like HER and YOU together.  This could look like anything – like two lines coming together, or two arches, or flowers, or curlicues, or hearts, or anything that feels like the experience you had with her.

Frame it in your mind and heart that you are doing this step for FUN ONLY.  To EXPRESS yourself and your feeling – NOT to CREATE something “pretty” or “usable.”

Do no more than 5 simple versions this one time (you can always do this again and again) – and pick your favorite for now (notice if you’re getting all about what it LOOKS like, or trying to accomplish something – and remember we’re just trying to capture a FEELING here that will REMIND you of your experience with yourself.  No matter what it looks like to you – each drawing will automatically HAVE that feeling – so you can’t go wrong – really, you can’t).

Add color to it if you like.

11. Now give the logo some WORDS

It can be something simple like “Peaceful Me,” or “I Am Beauty,” or “I Walk In Love…”  Let it just come to you, and write it underneath or alongside your picture-logo (Perhaps, if you’ve done more than one version, you can include ALL the drawings in the one “logo.”)

12.  Now – as Clara suggests, you can put it in a frame – one of those frames where you just slip in the picture – so that you can change it every single day if you wish!  Or just tape it to your mirror or stand it on your desk against a book.

You can DO this every single day!  There’s no end to the expression of your “Full-Potential-Self” and “Beautiful-You-As You-Are-Right-Now” – merged together.

I know you can’t post your pictures here, but let me know how this felt to you, and perhaps post the word part of your logo for today.

Now – how is this going to help you with a man?

Try carrying your personal logo out with you in the world.  Wear the feeling you had being with your Full-Potential-Self, and see how it shifts your vibe into a more effortless, easy, open place.

This sense of acceptance and love from yourself will carry over into a total sense of CONFIDENCE that will envelop you – and we all know there’s nothing more attractive to a man than Confidence, and there’s nothing that feels BETTER to US when we’re WITH a man than confidence.

So, Love to you, and I’m going to go now and work on my very own “logo” to share with you, as you share with me, Rori

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  1.  #1Daria on December 12, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    Dating issue:

    I am finding myself lately in disagreement with men. Last nite I had a conversation with a guy who wanted me to “meet him half way” in relationship, and didn’t like that I said I would “step back” if I didn’t feel good. He said I should be able to call him when I want to, that he will be there and available and that stepping back makes him think I am uniterested. We bumped heads and feelings over this for a long time. This guy really likes me.

    Another guy I talked to also felt indignant that I wouldn’t want to call him and drive to his house to hang out, since my house is not an option. He said he would make me feel really nice at his house… blahblah… this was our second conversation and I think he actually got offended. I was getting the vibe that he was a feminine energy man.

    What’s the deal with the disagreements? Should I not even be discussing this with men? What about the first guy who feels insecure when I step back… he thinks I am uniterested.

  2.  #2Daria on December 12, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    I feel empty and I love my emptiness. Today when I did the logo tool and got the hug from my goddess self I felt sad and empty. Her hug didn’t erase the ache I felt in my heart for the guy I have been in love with. I feel dejected. Life seems so bland. That feels like tightness in mouth. I love the tightness in my mouth. And now I feel it melting into my stomach and my neck. I love my stomach and neck tightness too. And that feels like heavy hanging sides of mouth. I feel really really disappointed. I want the world to feel my disappointment. I feel rage under my disappointment. I feel like doing something drastic for attention. I love myself. I can see how people kill themselves when someone leaves them now. Lol. Not really lolling. I am not going to kill myself. I just feel unfeely. I feel numb. Nothing seems good enough. I got a free 200 dollar check in the mail today and I dont care. That reminds me of this guy owing me money and I feel angry. He most likely will pay me back but I feel angry. I feel angry. I feel angry. And that feels like tightness in my back, droopy sides of mouth. I love my anger. I love the tightness in my mouth. I love my tense lower back. And that feels like a little smile. I want to be my friend. I love myself. Thank you anger. That feels like more fluid neck and shoulders. I feel my heart like a heavy closed thing. Like a rock kind of. And I love my rock heart. That is so cool, a rocky heart. And taht feels good. It feels like smiling and now I feel like crying. I feel so mad at myself for crying and that feels like not crying anymore. My face scrunched up and unscrunched all in one. I feel so drained of joy! I love my drained feeling. That feels like tightness in my neck. I love my tightness in my neck. I love my staring out eyes. I love my curled under chest. I feel like I am cold and being beaten and am curled over to protect myself. I love my curled over coldness. I feel sad and that feels like my face scrunching up. And I love my scrunched up face. I love my inner rage, my inner self feels abandoned, desperate. I love my inner self. I feel heavy from my mouth to my abdomen, and I love my heaviness. I want to dump it all on someone. I love carrying that with me. i am so amazing to be able to carry a heavy bag of acid inside me like this. I am acid woman. Lol that feels funny. And I wish I was bored by this man. No I wish I was loved by this man, and shown it the way that makes me feel good. I wish he was calling me everyday, approving of me, telling me he wants to be with me. I wish I felt all powerful and like I had the choice. And I love that part of me. And I know one part of me wants to feel worthless and slink around like the Golum stalking him from the bushes. And I love that part of me too. I want to lay out lifeless and limp and have somebody carry me to safety. And I love that part of me. Part of me feels sad. Part of me feels that no one will carry me to safety, that I will lay there until I feel humiliated and bored and get up and slowly walk away myself, bent over to live my life in loneliness. I have missed my boat. This man was my boat and in classic style I missed him. I feel so desperate. I feel like I am sinking with the Titanic. And that is ok. I am glad I am sinking because I won’t have to live anymore. And that feels sad. It feels like face scrunching and tears coming to my eyes, and then face unscrunching again. I feel sad. My head is hanging. I do not want to raise it up. I feel ashamed. I feel hurt. I feel abandoned. Why are we not allowed to feel hurt. I feel weak. I feel tears dripping down my eyes and I am wiping them away. I want to love myself with this feeling. I want to love this feeling. And I also want what I want in terms of results. I feel scared when things don’t look to me like they are moving towards my results. And I feel scared now. I feel like shaking with sobs now. I feel like my sobs are stopping. I am imagining what this girl he likes is like, and how she is carefree and probably not worried too much about him. I feel envious. I love my envy. I want to love myself. I feel frustrated that I don’t love myself enough to attract him. Lol. I love my heavy feelings. I love that I am strong enough to have them. I love that I am human. I feel terrified that I am going to keep playing out the I can’t have him, he wants someone else drama. I have been playing out this drama since I was 5. I feel gross and ashamed. I love my grossness. I feel heavyness at the base of my neck. I love my heaviness. I feel lighter. I feel heaviness in my chest. I love my heaviness. I feel tightness in my cheeks, base of my neck shoulders, and aI love all my tightnesses. Taht feels like smiling. That feels like yawning. Why am I so effin messed up!! Screams a voice. I love my voice. Thank you. I love you. You are not messed up, and if you were I love you anyway. Thank you. I believe in you. My goddess self believes in me, though she seemed kind of airy and I don’t know if I’d really want to be her. She seemed warm but kind of aloof in her own world. I want to be here. I want to experience my joys NOW. here now. Thank you. Universe I am asking for my joys. The little ones I feel thank you. They are helpful, and make me feel much better for the moment. You are wonderful for providing them for me. Now what would also feel great is the big ones, you know what they are, the ones that keep me happy for years. The ones like the man I like deciding he loves me, the ones like feeling happy that my parents are happy, the ones like feeling accomplished with my career and able to help my friends. The ones like looking 100%o wonderful and getting wows from my world audience. The ones like feeling super financially secure and good about my abundance. The ones about my God-sis being healthy, the ones about my God-son’s parents being together. The ones about me feeling accepted by my parents. Thank you Universe. I feel like smiling now. I am going to give myself a hug for the universe, and I am going to do my workout…

  3.  #3Caj13 on December 13, 2008 at 5:53 am

    Daria, dear

    ANALYZING all these things – relationship dynamics, and even the feelings themselves -is staying in your head! You will not touch your man this way. He doesn’t want or need to know the “mechanics” – that would feel like manipulation. He just wants to feel the effects. You just step back ( or even completely away if the feeling of offense is that strong) when you feel you cannot accept what is being said or done to you. “Naturally”, that is reacting to how your real, naked, vulnerable self is feeling, stripped of the “politeness” to make it better or logical arguments to convince him of what is right (=how he’s wrong or incompetent). We have unfortunately learned that those things should “fix the problem” but they don’t here (after all, we are not a “problem” and don’t want our relationships to be one either). Taking the “bull by the horns” might be just the thing in another context, but imagine how alluring you look wrestling with some phallic beast in a corrida! Goddesses don’t go there.

    In other posts, you said yourself that you were comfortable with your feeling messages, so keep to that – they do not intellectualize. Just make sure they’re only about your feelings and aren’t disguising a result you’re trying to achieve. The only person that will fool is yourself. “I’m hungry – I feel like something wickedly delicious” but not “I feel like we should check out that new place/ordering pizza/ whatever”. ‘I have strong feelings for you’ ‘or ‘I feel so high when we talk’ but don’t go on to say ‘I feel like being your girlfriend’.

    You are such a fabulous jumble of overwhelming feelings and imaginative thoughts – give yourself the time to come out with the right one, suitably pared down, when you talk with your guys. Have you noticed how all the women who talked about their successes mention the silences they have not jumped in to fill, however uneasy that made them feel. This very uneasiness inspires the man to come up with something to lower the tension, something to comfort you.

  4.  #4Reshi on December 13, 2008 at 8:37 am

    I love this logo exercise. I haven’t actually had a chance to sit down and do it, but just READING it made me feel good. I felt like I was instantly transported to a beautiful meadow with a little babbling stream and embraced by my Goddess-self, this larger-than-life, radiant, abundant version of myself. And I felt her energy merging into mine before I even read the words on the page. Man, this woman is so self-assured, so strong, and so compassionate. I never thought of myself as a compassionate woman; it’s a real stretch to try to see myself that way. I’m more the type that you’d see wrestling with a phallic beast…my girlfriend and I talk about how we have boners…real classy I know 😉 but it shows how much I’ve been habitually in the Masculine.

    And now I feel a little sad/fearful/depressed…and I’ve noticed that I’ve had very few of these feelings recently…sometimes there’s a twinge of rage or regret but it quickly passes. And I feel BAD for feeling so okay! Like suffering would make me virtuous and if I don’t suffer I’m clearly a whore. I don’t want to step back into that well-meaning bullshit. I want to feel good about myself and within myself. And that would feel like peace and relaxation…my girlfriend said yesterday that I looked more relaxed than she’d ever seen me…but something up there in my head fears peace, doesn’t want peace, wants to stir up drama and get attention. And that’s a very old part of me, it’s always been there, egging my little-girl self on to throw temper tantrums and cry and yell. It never let me think of doing anything nice for anyone. Listen, black hole drama vortex, I do care about you and love you…and I know you have important things to teach me, like that I deserve love and attention just by being me! But you don’t have to run me and force me to go out and GET attention, I’m in charge here and I know that love and attention are coming to me.

    And I still feel scared, like it’s not listening to me, and my back hurts and my shoulders are tense and my stomach is sick. I love my body for being able fo feel all this. Feeling the tension is my signal to relax, feeling the sickness is my signal to do things that make me healthy. Feeling the fear is my signal that I can stand up in the face of it and develop courage! Because it takes courage to be happy in a world of sadness and self-flagellation. I was talking with my family about the whole divorce situation and my mom’s boyfriend said “it’s his loss.” And I said “Really, it is.” And my sister was shocked and said “You’re not supposed to say that!” Well, what am I supposed to say? She has two birds who know how to talk, and try as she might, she can’t get them to accept correction or lower their self esteem. They know the words “good” and “bad” and they know their own names and they NEVER call themselves bad. Only humans do that. My sister says her birds are arrogant but it seems to me that they just have FAITH.

  5.  #5alias girl on December 13, 2008 at 1:13 pm

    reshi. ok even if your suffering did make you virtuous (which i am not a subscriber to but for arguments sake let’s just say it did.) when does it end? how much siuffering must you put in? are not the last years of your marriage enough suffering? or must it be endless. is the minute you atop suffering the minute you stop being virtuous.
    i am curious if you had a heavy religous background signalling this to you.

    i personally believe happiness makes one virtuous. just for the record.

    and yes happiness REQUIRES a certain dose of self car and attention to self and love of self and joy in being one self. like yes! i get to be ME and that is soooo cool. bc no one else is like me. and i love me! omg what would the world be like without ME?! far less fun in my opinion. 🙂

  6.  #6alias girl on December 13, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    ok. although my cellphone decided that was all i wanted to write in my comment and went ahead and posted that i was actually not quite finished.

    rori this exercise was so great. i waited until i had the proper time to devote to it where i could just sort of settle down and reflect. at first she developed in my mind like some fifties glamourous movie actress in some long flowing white gown and overly arched eyebrows and i was like hmmmm. that doesn’t seem quite right. so i really tried to get real and she kind of morphed into someone i would actually be comfort>le being. i hiked up her skirt a bit in the front and added a little ruffle to the bottom. fluffed out her eyebrows. 😉

    but she was soooo wonderful and loving and humble and understanding and compassionate. but she was really cool too. and youthful and strong. i thanked her for being so great and then she thanked me. she said bc without me going through all i went through she couldn’t have turned out so wonderful. she gave me all her healthy energy and warm love. i actually found her sexy and thought she’d probably be fun to have sex with haha. maybe i took the exercise too far?!

    i want to keep experimenting with the drawing part of the exercise bc i kept trying to make it look like something or have it be usable.

  7.  #7alias girl on December 13, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    i do want the fairytale. i was just sitting here watchingtv and i want those romantic scenes i see on tv. that seems so unfair bc i can’t offer the fairytale to the man. i’m not perfect and flawless and cellulite free and always made up with a nice haircut and maniucred nails and cute popping outfits all the time. i have bouts of fear that make me want to lie down on the floor wherever i happen to be in that moment and just stop. i am no fairytale. how unfair is it that i want the gondolas and flowers and jewelry and rose petals and scooter rides?

    i want the fairytale. i feel conflicted. i feel sad. i also feel a little tired today like i just need to rest so i don’t get sick. (yae a free lazy day with no guilt!! )

  8.  #8Maria on December 13, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    For long time l am thinking about moving to another city and the more l think about it, the more this idea attracts me. lm talking about major change here. Not bad. Else l have found out what makes me little happy and fullfilled and l have come actoss with the idea, that the less l concentrte on my problems the better it gets. By the way, AG, l have the same feeling when l watch romantic scenes fromTV, but l have learned a trick to change channel and usually l choose something very positive for backround (right now there is a balldance from Strictly come dancing – lm not fan of it, but it creates certain positive energy) or at least someting that takes place in present.
    Maybe there is not anyone ment for me or lm not as attractive for men in general, who knows, or maybe l find my prince charming when lm 75,with full of wrincles and cellulite, with no teeth on my mouth, who knows, but those maybes just keeps bringing me down, so ld rather belive in God ways.

  9.  #9Daria on December 13, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    Caj13 thank you for answering. You are right the feeling messages work and I love the silences where he gets to fill in with something. I feel very mysterious and sexy in those silences.
    I did feel kind of like we were bumping heads in the conversation about stepping back vs. stepping forward. Nonetheless, sometimes the guy brings certain situations and philosophies up and I feel comfortable discussing them… so this is how it came up.

    Actually that got resolved today when we talked. We told each other our secret life stories and he basically confessed that he is not used to dating like a man (taking a girl out and calling her regularly) and “that’s probably why I keep getting F’s in that department.” So funny! He is trying! Well he could’ve fooled me we had a pretty nice date. I feel SOOO acomplished that this older man who is used to women giving to him is now pretty much totally into me. He wants to take me out, give to me and make me happy and I allowed it all to go so smoothly with my feeling goddess tools. I feel like I am “giving back” to him by being myself. Wonderful! He said last nite that he wishes he had a magic potion to make me “fall in love with him” because he wants me so much. I told him that I feel good hearing that but also a little worried because I want a man that is into making me happy for me, not only for himself so that I’d be into him, but that a mix of both is ok and I feel a mix of both also. He agreed with me. I like this guy… hehe… but not over the top, I am not losing myself so that is cool. I realize in the past I wouldn’t like a guy UNTIL he stepped back, made me jealous or did something to hurt me and then I would get to OBSESS over him and be happy that my strong feelings were finally triggered… but often it would be too late because he would be stepping back and I would be obsessing. So now I am trying it the new way, where I am not triggering my obsession, I’m leaving that behind, and I’m loving ME.

    Reshi I also feel that I am a bull in the corrida type of Goddess! That image was so cool Caj13. I know you meant it as an example of the opposite but for some reason that image was really inspiring to me. I see a romantic, yet powerful fierce Goddess wearing a red dress. She puts her hands on the bull’s horns and flips him over in the dust as if he was light as a cloud. Then when he gets up she puts her hands on his horns and he bends down, he is tamed and bows at her feet, all steamy nose and nuzzles her hands. Very beautiful!

    I feel a little confused now regarding feeling messages and desires. I feel very comfortable with basic feeling messages… “I feel so good” “I feel angry” and “I feel weird/uncomfortable” you name it. I also am practicing saying my desires, and I often use feeling messages with them.
    When I want to check out a new pizza place I say… I feel like going to the new restaurant… or I say it would feel good to try the new restaurant… or even I want to try the new restaurant. Like you said, I would not say “I feel WE should try it” because I am not feeling for both of us, and I doubt I’d be feeling a should! I would also perhaps say… I want to be your girlfriend, or I would feel good/happy/honored to be your girlfriend… not sure how I would express this otherwise, it’s a desire right? When we do speeches we say… I want to be married… etc. Now that is probably better and leaving him out of it… however if I want to be a guy’s girlfriend right now I would feel better exposing my desire, however clumsily, than not. I mean it’s ok to say “It would feel great to kiss you” and not only “It would feel great to kiss…” lol. So this is similar.

  10.  #10Daria on December 13, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    Another bull image… now this is the godess I usually am used to imagining… she is kind of a teenage girl, young woman wild and maybe tomboyish by today’s standards, but really just wild and very naturally active. She is not necessarily wearing pretty clothes, her clothes are covered with dust, thorns whatever she gets herself into in the woods where she loves to live. She is wrestling with the bull, and they are rolling around in the dust. Her shiny skin is covered with mud, her eyes are glowing and her hair is wild. In the end, the bull is laying belly up defeated and she is laying on top of him, still holding him by the thorns. This is my favorite (one of my favorite) goddesses and the one I have most seen myself like until now! I am glad I am able to write about her on here, because I had been dismissing her as too masculine energy! I love her! Is she masculine energy because she is wrestling the bull? I feel scared…

  11.  #11Reshi on December 14, 2008 at 12:18 am

    Daria, your goddess is HOT HOT HOT. I think any man would agree…except for girly men who aren’t as strong as you!

    AG, I was raised in a strict Christian family, my mom left my dad and his sisters who stayed with their awful husbands never forgave her. And they told ME that my mom was a whore. That really hurt, and it stays with me even though–or perhaps especially because–I’ve decided to leave the religion behind. I don’t think there’s anything WRONG with Christianity and I actually do believe in Jesus, but it has become abundantly clear to me that my path lies in another direction. It’s God’s will for me to go in another direction. So I’ve surrendered to that.

  12.  #12Caj13 on December 14, 2008 at 4:32 am

    Wow Daria and Reshi – that was a great flip on (all) that bull !! Maybe it’s me who’s too cowlike – and look where that got me! Yeh, Milked! (Actually, I see myself as a prancing gazelle soaring over the meadows. Catch me if you can – then wrestle ME gently down to a tickle/cuddle fest….”and more, if affinities”.) Luv to all – Happy Sunday.

  13.  #13Daria on December 14, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    Caj13 you are so funny and cute! Love the gazelle!

  14.  #14alias girl on December 14, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    yesterday i did not rest like i said i was going to. and then at night i had a wicked headache and it was horrible. and then when i tried to be in my body and feel my feelings i felt terrified and like i was going to die or like someone pushed me out of an airplane without a chute. and i kept imagining both my ex es holding me and then i would cry a little and feel better. but last night was yuck. and then i was bargaining with god bc i felt so bad i thought i was going to die and i don’t want to die.

    i want to feel strong and healthy and energized and competent and resilient and loving and compassionate. no more nights like last night. i don’t want that AT ALL.

    i feel depressed. i feel like there is a plate in my chest and it gives of this terrible toxic gas that makes me feel intense fear and it drags me down and then my mind just gets stuck and obsesses while i stay motionless and THAT IS NOT HOW I WANT TO FEEL OR BE. i want to be happy and carefree and jubilant and having fun and accomplished and loving and healthy and energized.

    my theme is wait til tomorrow. tomorrow you might feel better. tomorrow you might find freedom or fun or a nice man. but first you must climb this big mountain and wear this backpack that emits toxic gas that makes you unwilling to even attempt the mountain. first you must stay in your cage until everything is right. but for now you will only feel scared and unable. be lucky you have a cage. you little ingrate.

    aww. i love my mean tyrant. i love the mean voice that lives inside me. i love my jailor and my terrorizer trying to keep me scared. i love the imaginary elephant chains around my ankles. i love my fear and headaches. i love my inertia. ugh. i feel like i am just full of energy and electricity inside and it’s all just swirling around like a storm and so is not feeling good or healthy or useful. i want my energy to be channeled in healthy ways.

    i feel punished. i feel like someone has been beating me all night while i slept. i feel like my head has a metal band around the inside and it is adjusted too tight. i feel like my face is just think pudding substance and doesn’t feel like making expressions. i feel like i have been set in cement. i feel like my heart is beating as if someone just jumped from the shadows and said boo. i feel shallow breath. locked jaw. nonexistent vagina. i feel tired. but more like tired is safe rather than real tired. i feel ashamed. if i had a boyfriend here with me right now i would feel embarrassed to have him see me so puddinglike.

    i love my shame and my tiredness and my puddingself. i love my created headache that made me feel like i was dying. i love my copping out by being tired. i love the metal band around my head. i love my frozenness. i love my isolation to hide my shame. i love that unproccessed shame and fear rule my life in a way that displeases me. i love my self judgment.i love my tyrannical jailor who tells me mean things in a nasty voice to keep me stuck. i love my inertia and procrastinating my entire life until tomorrow.

    i love that i can have compassion for myself when i am at my lowest point of self esteem.i love my electrical storm of misdirected energy swirling around inside. it makes me feel like i could be superwoman. i want healing. i want answers. i want to enjoy my life andhave good relationships. i want to be 100%.

  15.  #15Ann on December 14, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    I have just read here the past week. I didn’t say anthing because I was shut down. I was disconnected from everyone, dealing with jeolousy, anger, sadness, fear. I knew I was experiencing these things but I wasn’t feeling the feelings.

    Until I sat down in the quiet last night and “talked” to me. Now here’s the weird part ladies, when I sat down with me I realized I was disconnected from everyone BUT most importantly I realized why I felt that way. This was a MAJOR light bulb thank the universe moment for me.

    I was disconnected from everyone else because somehow I had disconnected from myself. NONE of this had anything to do with a man.

    I’ve been using the tools for awhile. I had more self confidence. I was softer, I love how soft my voice had become. I was able to be strong without being loud. I was able to stand up for me without feeling guilty. I was able to feel my feelings and know what I needed to do for me. I was enjoying more things.

    But then it was like where did everything go? But it wasn’t everything it was “where did the new/real me that I loved go?”

    I was jeolous of my new self I couldn’t find the new me. I was angry why did I lose this I love my new self. I was sad and fearful “would I find my new self again? Being disconnected from my new/real me left me feeling disconnected from everything and everyone.

    But after being with myself. I’m on the road to reconnecting with me. It feels SO good.

    So my logo would be “Holding on to Me” with my little girl and big girl dancing around in a open meadow, glowing with love, acceptance and happiness.

  16.  #16alias girl on December 14, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    i feel stuck. i feel like a failure. i feel like someone shot me with a stungun and now i’m just stuck. i feelshallow breaths. puddingface. haha. that just made me laugh. i love to laugh. i feel tears. why? why?
    i feel repulsed by that guy i had dinner with who i now have to find some graceful way to extricate myself. i feel angry. good. angry is better than paralyzed and depressed. omg. i feel amused with myself. in a really pathetic way.
    i smiled at a cutie pie today while i was out. 🙂 and he kind of just nodded back. he was very cute though and i didn’t just look away. he was too young though maybe. although since i don’t seem to date someone for more than a couple of months i guess he’s not too young for that. heehee. i feel amused with myself again. oh gooood. maybe i am coming out of this paralyzed funk. well i still feel completely unmotivated to workout or do other things i’d like to do.

    i feel like i am in a steel coffin with only my head sticking out and so my brain is working overtime to make up for the lack of real movement. i feel like a puppet with no one pulling the strings so i am just crumpled and inanimate. i feel ugly. 🙁 i feel tired scratchy eyes. i feel heavy puddingface. heheh. i feel laughing. i feel like my ugly dirty maangy stringy haired street orphan is back. i feel love for her. the poor thing has been so neglected for so long. i feel tears. i love you orphan girl. even if you never accomplish a thing. even if you always feel scared. even if you just stay sitting in this one position forevermore. i will sit here with you and i will love you. i will wash your hair for you and hug you and put you in clean clothes and stroke your hair and help you feel safe. i will wipe away your tears. i understand. it can be hard sometimes. we’ll be okay. you don’t need to hide in the shadows anymore.

    i feel ashamed. i feel like the ugly dying duck in the pond that swims away and goes to find a place alone to die. i feel ick and yuck and angry. i feel angry thaat i feel this way. damn it. i feel furious. i feel stuck though still. but i feel better than last night.

    i wish i would just get clear signs about what step to take next and if i am moving in a direction that is good for me. i wish i had more money. i wonder if i would still feel stuck if i had alot of money. how could that be? i’d have so many fun distractions. or at the very least i could go get my nails done yes?

    i feel alone. but i have made much progress and these feelings are just temporary. i feel sad. like my ship has sailed too. only i totaally missed it. i wasn’t even at the dock. i was home frozen on my couch. i love my self judment and self criticism and despair. i love my tired scratchy eyes and my lazy puddingface. i love my writing and typing and typing praying for release from my my steel coffin and obssesive thinking and lack of action. i love that there is no immediate resolution or answer. i love ugh. just blah and ugh. ick yuck.

  17.  #17alias girl on December 14, 2008 at 6:56 pm

    being authentic on this blog is helping me become more authentic in real life. i mean it is what it is. i am what i am. hiding won’t help. i actually feel better. i think i am going to go workout. 🙂 xoxo

  18.  #18Maria on December 15, 2008 at 1:37 am

    Alias Girl, l love the way you express yourself in so detail and honestly l envy you for that. l quess you are someone who are fun to be with and never get bored. Saying that l recognize myself in Ann´s comment, who said she was disconnected from all. l feel the same even in this blog. For some reason l find it hard to connect and bond. No wonder l have problems with love:)

  19.  #19alias girl on December 15, 2008 at 1:52 am

    hi maria. have you looked at the power and self esteem series on this blog? you can find it on the side bar. and if you start from the first post and do the exercises and go all the way through them and the comments too bc you will see how people would do the exercises and rori would tweak the process. these self esteem series posts will get you in touch with your feelings. and once i got in touch with my feelings i started to feel more connected to myself and others and life. also rori’s ebook is a great place to start if you haven’t read it yet. i am glad you are here maria. you will find yourself here. xoxo 🙂

  20.  #20Cassandra on December 17, 2008 at 8:46 am

    Hi guys……Daria and Reshi….I LOVED the images of your true Goddess selves with that bull. how cool! Ann…I also really loved the one of your little girl and Goddess selves dancing together….also super cool! I loved this post and reading all that you guys shared and you know what? You guys ROCK! Even when you are feeling those icky, dark, yucky want to crawl under a rock feelings….YOU ALL ROCK! You all have taught me so much. Thank you for being you…..each of you. I love every single one of you. AG….Daria and Reshi..I wish that I could hug each of you in person!
    I have not done the drawing part of this excercise yet but after I read it I sat back thinking of what it would FEEL like to ‘mesh’ with my full potential self….. She is an amazing singer/ songwriter that writes songs that touch peoples hearts so deeply. She is beautiful with long flowing red hair and strikingly beautiful blue eyes that pierce whatever it is that they look at…..she is deeply loving and strong…she is so strong and filled with such abundant joy that wherever she goes …light surrounds her and joy radiates from her being….she is at total peace and in a place of full contentment and can enjoy every moment for what it is ecen in circumstances of adversity….when she faces adversity she does not complain she simply deals with it and moves on….she feels everything deeply but is able to not cry as easily as I do now…I admire that in her and perhaps when she holds me that will transition to me…I lvoe my feelings and that i can feel so deeply I just wish that the tears did not flow quite so easily as it scares people somtimes….no…it scares men…not people but men…women understand and often feel right along with me….it is amazing to know that she is ME…it feels distant yet closer than close…it is scary to know that she is me in a way….scary in the way that I already am who I want to be but I haven’t quite ‘got that’ yet……it feels like you are eating a delicious dish but can’t quite figure out what is in it…what the ingredients are…it’s mysterious and strong. I feel connected and disconnected all at the same time like …. connected with a rope but not joined at the hip… feels like being in a HUGE open space and I am the only one there…like I am out in space all alone and falling but there is no bottom to hurt me when I land….like I am free and having fun but still kind of scared that I am out there all alone…the stars are beautiful though.

  21.  #21alias girl on December 17, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    cassandra thank you so much for sharing your full potential self with us. she made me feel amazing when i read it!. xoxo

  22.  #22Cassandra on December 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    Alias Girl…thank you for your note! it actually made me cry because it hit me when you said ‘she made me feel amazing’ because all of a sudden I realized that that was indeed ME. I am glad that she made you feel amazing and as I reread what I wrote…she made me feel amazing cool is that?! Love you….

  23.  #23alias girl on December 17, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    ya- just so beautiful. could you imagine all our goddess selves hanging out at a party or something? heheh. it’ d be like a solar eclipse or something. is that the right metaphor? something so bright to look at. 🙂

  24.  #24Ann on December 19, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    How neat would that be-our dancing, singing, hugging, enjoying life selves all hanging out together.