Your Love Life Works Best Organically

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LOVE and Relationship work organically.

That means – from the inside.
That means – from your soul.

When you are down and depressed, it’s as though you’ve lost the connection to your soul, as though a blanket of numb has fallen across the cells of your being…

And this is where you need to take 3 actions:
1. Going further down into the sorrow, pain and rage, and
2. Actively allowing yourself to be moved with Good-Feeling feelings while you’re down there – like simply feeling moved to be alive…
3. Taking a step – any step – to explore the potential of any glimmer of good feeling.

A totally excellent way to do this step three is by volunteering to help others – and that’s what the impetus is here – and yet – remember I put a ban on giving advice from your masculine selves here – so –
Let’s branch out.  Let’s answer the question:

How can I help others, how can I make a contribution, how can I LIFT MYSELF UP so that I can make the biggest contribution?

In other words, feeling down gets you nowhere, if that’s where you’re choosing to live – and yet exploring your “down” is the only way UP!

This is the 6E’s of my Targeting Mr. Right Program and Modern Siren program – this is using ALL the Tools, and not just one side, all the 7 Steps of Commitment Blueprint, and not just one – and I believe, with all my heart that you are ALL doing this!

You are PROCESSING…You go down into your dark feelings, and then connect with hope and love, and come back up higher.

Just don’t forget to CHANNEL.  This is a crucial step…and I can feel, from the arc of almost everyone’s work here that you are all moving forward.  The more you move forward, the more you deepen the learning – that’s just the way it looks.

What I want for you is a feeling of “buoyancy” – where you feel like however deep you go, you’ll bounce back up to the surface and see and feel and experience how gorgeous everything around you is, including and most especially your own aliveness.

I’m going to do a bit about nutrition here – because sometimes that can hugely effect our bodies, hearts, minds…

So let’s try this:  Everyone stop eating sugar for one week with me.  Stop.

Let’s see what this does for your bodies (let me know) and let’s see what following through with something good for you triggers in you.

Everyone eat yogurt and/or take probiotics (any store has them) for one week, and let’s see what this does for you…

And let’s focus on Channeling this week – that means DOING things that feel good, experiencing your limits and your boundaries and your power, saying No to what doesn’t feel good, and saying Yes to what Does feel good.

Let’s balance your riffing with LOVING everything, and let’s put more weight on the good feelings you encounter, and then quickly move to a channeling item.

Bethany – you’re moving so fast through things – making choices now that feel good instead of feeling stuck in situations – you’re starting to feel more powerful.

Mercedes – just doing what you think might work in a relationship is not the answer.  it’s the experiencing of it that makes the difference.

Go see “He’s Just Not That Into You” – it’s terrific.  Watch the progress of the Ginnifer Goodwin character (you can see how much deeper and calmer and less needy and more on her own side she becomes with knowledge and practice) and the dignity of Jennifer Aniston’s character – very inspirational.  I’ll put up a series of posts about it.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Reflection on February 26, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    I just had a powerful experience… I’m excited to see where this continues to grow… I’m adding to the conversation with a piece I just wrote called, From Painbody to Peace… It’s an intro piece to how trauma might cycle through a relationship… I’ll be providing more details to this piece later… I LOVE YOU RORI! I know you are helping us to all surf the pain and transmute it to peaceful use of power! the loving use of power… I’d like to link you to my blog… I’m new to that so perhaps you can share with me how to do that?

    Love to all,

  2.  #2Daria on February 26, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    I feel a little troubled.

    I want to be authentic in following situation.

    Me: (feeling relaxed and a slight headache, at the computer idly browsing, feeling a little bored)

    Person: so what are you doing today?

    Me: relaxing… and then going to dance class at 4.

    Person : so what are you doing when you’re not relaxing? (innocent question with a friendly attitude)

    Me: (feeling triggered… thoughts: “are you saying I am not doing anything, and if so, so what?” . I feel angry now and annoyed)

    mmm… trying to get away from people that ask me mean questions to make me feel bad … or maybe they’re not trying to make me feel bad…

    Person: You’re out of your mind, girl. (and leaves room).

    Oops. I feel bad. How can I better communicate with Person when they are asking “the innocent question” and I feel triggered. What would be most authentic?

    I feel worried that if I say.. I feel angry.. I will produce a defensive response and similar dismissal… as in… why do you feel angry? I just asked a nice question… or something like that. Or is it more authentic to say… I feel angry or… and go through whatever awkwardness it takes?

    I feel uncomfortable with that question, I feel attacked by it?

    I feel defensive.

    I feel angry. I feel annoyed. I feel a need to escape.

    mmm… what do you guys think?

  3.  #3Daria on February 26, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    I feel threatened. I feel threatened by that question. And I feel uncomfortable. Hehe.

    Now to translate that to another language (I don’t think we have threatened in my language… will have to see how to translate)

    I feel criticized. I feel bad and I feel ANGRY.

  4.  #4Daria on February 26, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    Aha. I went through the power and self-esteem section. I now realize taht the best way to start is with the oldest one there, so not with the one that shows up when you click the power and self esteem link, but with the one at the opposite end. Which is register to vote. That’s cool, but the REAL fun starts at the very next post. That’s when it really gets going!

  5.  #5Daria on February 26, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    I feel a little bad. I saw a pretty woman at the gas station at her and while I was staring at her I realized I was feeling bad! I felt sad, worried (and maybe a tiny bit angry). Something like jealousy. I do not like feeling jealous. Just want to say I LOVE my feeling jealous, I feel so glad I noticed myself going to this place, and a I feel scared, and I WANT to feel empowered and happy and joyful when I see a pretty woman, and that would feel like freedom and sisterhood and that would feel like open heart, warm heart, surprised smile, and sparkly eyes, and moving body.

    I think that I may have this reaction from hanging around a guy I used to like when he would hit on girls, but that doesn’t really matter because I want to change it now.

    I feel hopeful that this change is going to happen in me (Organically).

    I feel smily at my wittiness. And I feel embarassed.

  6.  #6alias girl on February 26, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    so i stop in the cafe where the young man works. the young man who DIDNT call. before i go in i deabte back and forth back and forth back and forth. and i thought dotdotdot at the end of my life which will i feel worse about, going in or not going in? argh. i play out how i will feel if he totally doesn’t even recgonize me or is mean. i play out how will i feel?

    it seemed i would feel worse having some stranger in my mind for the rest of my life as the what if. (katherine hepurn i believe had one of these) f that. no. i don’t want that.

    i walk in. omg i feel sooo scared. there he is. i walk up order. he recognizes me.

    him: hi

    me: hi.

    him: how are you?

    me: fine. (pause. i pick my cellphone out of my purse and hold it to my ear) oh i thought i heard it ring but it didn’t. (i smile but give him a look like whatever)

    (he gets me joke) him; sorry. i lost your number.

    me: yuh. you should have guarded that number with your life.

    him: give it to me again (he pushes his pad of paper towards me)

    (i shake my head no.)

    him: what can i get for you?

    me: i’l take the falafel sandwich. TO GO. (i smile)

    him: (he smiles): can i get your number again? i lost it.

    me: i feel sad.

    him: me too.

    (i shrug my shoulders) (another customer walks up. i move away and sit in a chair to wait for my togo order.)

    (when it’s done he calls me to the counter. ) he asks how i’ve been and we make small talk for a few minutes.

    him: so you’re not going to give me your number?

    me: i gave it to you. i’m not going to be THAT woman.

    him: oh. i know. i lost it. maybe you’ll stop in again sometime.

    ( i shrug my shoulders and take my bag.) maybe. bye.

    him: bye

  7.  #7Daria on February 26, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    I feel triggered by Alias Girl’s conversation. I feel compulsion to tweak:

    him: hi

    AG: hi.

    him: how are you?

    AG: I’m feeling fine. I felt kinda dissapointed… I was expecting a call from you and it didn’t happen (out the Rori handbook).

    (pause. i pick my cellphone out of my purse and hold it to my ear) oh i thought i heard it ring but it didn’t. (i smile but give him a look like whatever)

    (he gets me joke) him: sorry. i lost your number.

    AG: yuh. you should have guarded that number with your life.

    him: give it to me again (he pushes his pad of paper towards me)

    (i shake my head no.)

    him: what can i get for you?

    AG: i’l take the falafel sandwich. TO GO. (i smile)

    him: (he smiles): can i get your number again? i lost it.

    AG: i feel sad.

    him: me too.

    (i shrug my shoulders) (another customer walks up. i move away and sit in a chair to wait for my togo order.)

    (when it’s done he calls me to the counter. ) he asks how i’ve been and we make small talk for a few minutes.

    him: so you’re not going to give me your number?

    AG: I don’t want to give it out again and feel bad.

    him: PLEASE GODDESS I WILL GUARD IT WITH MY LIFE THIS TIME! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!! (lol jk… we don’t know what he would say now)

    I feel scared that I am pushing Alias Girl away by tweaking… what do you think Alias Girl… ?

    I felt a some leaning forward (blaming) energy from the joke at the beginning, and that kinda felt like it carried through to you not wanting to give him your number, although maybe a part of you would want to ? hence your decision to go there? I don’t know… what do you think?

    PS – Great job on inserting the I feel sad feeling message in there however! I can imagine you were feeling majorly triggered and that took some courage to come out with a feeling message… or maybe it came out on it’s own? How did it go?

  8.  #8alias girl on February 26, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    aw daria i feel honored by your tweaking. i went in their to practice my rockstar status. there is no way i am going to have some guy, some stranger, floating around in my mind for the rest of my life as some perfect fantasy figure.

    i planned on giving my number again and then realized i didn’t feel good doing that. seriously. he should have guarded it with his freaking life. that’s my feeling toward him and if he doesn’t feel the same then blah.

    i did say i felt like he wasn’t interested (i forgot to write that bc i was just writing off the cuff from what i remembered) and he said he was sorry.

    my feeling is he could have

    a) begged.
    b) convinced me he really really wanted my number again
    c) offered to walk me to my car again
    d) offered to take a break with him again

    i am not going to be THAT woman. esp with the huge age difference. no. (also though bc he is kinda young i do have to cut him some slack)

    i wanted to do what i wanted to do as i followed my feelings. and that’s what i did. i realized i felt rejected when i was standing in front of him and didn’t want to set myself up for that again by giving him my #. also all his co-workers were staring at me with this knowing sort of look bc they had witnessed the whole deal the first night about a month ago or whenever it was.

    i feel pretty good about the whole thing. he is so sweet. he remembered little things we had talked about and asked me about them he is so in the present moment it is almost jarring to me.whatever. i am living organically as rori’s post says. i am folllowing my goddess self. i feel MORE like a goddess for walking in there.

    i am just on this huge experimenting kick with doing things out of the ordinary and playing with my true nature and sort of tracking how i feel about the results of my interactions. so far i feel pleased.

    i feel really gaga about that caffe guy though. you all know that feeling i’m talking about. that scary feeling. i could tell he was nervous too by the way he moved and almost dropped his pad.

    i feel kind of excited that i triggered you daria and i’m not quite sure why. maybe bc it was such a little thrill for me that i want someone else to be jolted too. i feel scared rori is rolling her eyes in dismay.

    anyhoo i am experimenting and feeling happily playful and curious. xoxo

  9.  #9alias girl on February 26, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    i felt i was the one who had taken all the risks so far. (ok exaggeration. he asked me to sit with him on break. he held my hand and he walked me to my car.)

    but i felt i had done my part. i wasn’t going to do his part too.

    he didn’t call.

    if a man REALLY REALLY wants a woman.

    he WILL make it happen.

    and he didn’t.
    and i gave him another shot.
    and he didn’t.

    he is not a strong enough man for me.

    that’s how i feel.

    i do think that one sentence of yours daria is a great tweak though and i wish i had said it.

    i don’t want to give i to you again and feel bad agian.

    i just didn’t/couldn’t give him the power to have me feel bad again. if he wanted it, then he needed to figure out a way. and he did not. my conclusion is like cookie’s guy said. men will take what they can get but they know their true intention. i am not a woman that some guys takes bc he can get. i am a woman that some guy wins over and cherishes. he really should have guarded that number with his life. if i was meant to be his girl i feel certain it would have played out differntly. i know i could get a piece of him that’s not what i want.

  10.  #10Daria on February 27, 2009 at 12:16 am

    I feel glad Alias girl answered me. I feel happy she feels excited by my triggerdness.

    I feel calm right now and a little sad (it’s borrow money from dad time and he’s saying waht you want me to pay your bills too (i’m assuming it means on top of my staying in their house) — and I actually said well yes) Lol. I feel annoyed that it has to be this whole big deal when I was so upfront about my situation and it’s not like I have other family to help me. I feel a little bit sad, and guilty about it. I wish I was spoiled and got whatever I wanted from my parents. I don’t actually I feel kinda grossed out writing that. But it would feel fun to try it out for awhile. Especially with the annoyingness that when some guys find out I’m an only child they say oh you must be spoiled. No. Actually I’m not spoiled. I’m an only child and a daughter at that and I have to beg and feel ashamed asking for money to pay my bills while trying to make my own on my own. Sometimes I get threatened with getting kicked out the house and I get called names that make me feel awful. I feel kind of scared like I’m going to be punished for feeling angry about this. I feel very grateful that I DO have family, that is my parents, that I DO have a place to stay, a very nice one, and I DO have money (borrowed) to pay my bills. I actually do know what it would be like otherwise and while I might feel more free and who knows more secure in myself I would feel scared and cold and uncomfortable. I feel lost in this.

    I Want to feel supported and SupportING of my family. I want to feel free of shame. I want to feel included and not condescended to. I want to feel loved and trusted. Yum. I want to trust myself too.

    That feels like comfort, like cozyness inside myself, like strenght and holding my head up high. Like lots of ANGER expressed with grace and dignity and no getting passive agressive stuff past me or allowing myself to feel tranced out and traumatized.

  11.  #11alias girl on February 27, 2009 at 12:25 am

    i feel pining to take away daria’s pain. but i know she is becoming godessesy and this is part of it. and if take away her learning situation then she doesn’t get to become her best vision of herself. i feel empathetic. i feel confident she will find her way.

    for all the brewhaha(hahah spelling??) about my sad triggering rageful riffs i have to say they took me to a higher place. i would not do it any differently if i had to do it again. riffing is a very very powerful tool for me. life altering tool. i could sell it and make a million dollars. 🙂

  12.  #12Daria on February 27, 2009 at 1:24 am

    I feel interested in Alias Girl’s wisdom. I feel glad I am now thinking this way too. I feel hopeful and comfortable.

  13.  #13DocK on February 27, 2009 at 7:53 am

    Organically, yes. Love and relationships just shouldn’t be that hard. Mine, finally over. Know I did what I’m not supposed to, made him “wrong.” Went down the old path of having to have my say with a few feeling messages sprinkled in. Doesn’t matter. Over is over and not one of those that shouldn’t be – in the end – the right thing, over. Feel sad. Feel out of control. Feel alone. No family here, few friends (guess time for the volunteer thing). Fear – I’m never good enough, won’t ever have a real relationship. Don’t want kids. Don’t care about a piece of paper. Want companionship, love, friendship, passion. Where’s my bridge? Let him go. I jumped off of it but I can jump back on. Cute guy smiling at me. Smile back. Darn, lives in another state. But hey, there’s a billion people on this planet. Like you Daria, feel hopeful.

  14.  #14Reshi on February 27, 2009 at 11:20 am

    Ouch, DocK. I can feel what it was like for me when my relationship ended, a whole messy jumble of feelings–and I feel inspired to read that you still feel hope in all this.

    Alias girl, you go goddess! 😀

    I made a post under my real name but it seems to be under moderation and now I am wondering whether it was a good idea. I think I am the only person by that name in the country and possibly in the world, so I’d perhaps be too easy to google.

    I feel like my body is literally melting and thawing out with all the 24/7 emo-trance I’m doing.

    I discovered a HUGE pattern that has destroyed every potentially loving relationship I ever could have had–and it all starts with a trigger–something happens to make me doubt the other person loves me, then I react with anger, then eventually they REALLY stop loving me and ignore me and treat me cruelly. And then I have NO CHOICE but to withdraw from them. This happened with all my siblings (to a lesser extent with my brother because he is so much younger–but I remember deciding shortly after he was born that I would always be distant from him because my heart couldn’t take a repeat of what happened with my sisters), also with several childhood friends and then with my husband.

    I do not fucking need for it to happen again.

    I want to feel faith in love. I felt faith in love the other night; I had a vision out of nowhere. Makani looked down at me out of the night sky and said, “Linmayu, do you trust me?” And I did, I felt so loved and happy, and I said yes. And he said “Hold on then, it’s going to be quite a ride!”

    I mean, this is something that just happened in my head while I was getting out of the car, but it wasn’t like I’d planned to think it. Anyway, it made me feel good and is something I can go back to and think of whenever I want to feel faith in love. Since I don’t have a real person giving me faith, I’ll use what I have at hand, because ain’t no one going to knock me off my bridge.

    I feel faith will heal everything.

  15.  #15Daria on February 27, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Linmayu is such a beautiful name I feel my eyes filling up with tears…

    Reshi since you are having so much success with Emo-Trance which I feel very excited about I want to reccommend you the book by Sandra Hillawi called The Love Clinic. It feels so inspiring and it is basically about how to heal your love relationships with Emo-Trance.

    Also a free book about Emo-Trance in the world which also feels delightful to me is The Enchanted World. You can download it free online.

    There is also something called Project Sanctuary which is basically people making up a world in their heads, which turns out to have a life of it’s own and impact our real life in wonderful ways – sound familiar? hehe…

  16.  #16Daria on February 27, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Ok I am now ready to share… I feel excited. Also got a chance to rewrite my profile since it got erased. I feel comfortable and a little blank.

  17.  #17Ana Thomas on February 27, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    Lori, I have just signed up recently and it seems like every blog was relating to my day. Broken relationship that I did not see coming, trying to communicate with him and he did not want it. Last night, after just over a year in the relationship, he snap at me very hard. Again, with the verbal abuse and telling me to get out of his house. I left and said to myself (hearing the voices) I will not tolerate this behavior. It has gone on for too long. And today starting the steps to a new life, it was good to read this blog. You do not know how your blogs have helped me just in a short time. I feel for the words, the never leave me and you are everything i wanted and when he switched without notice to the opposite, I was devastated. I cannot eat, I constantly have him on my mind, heart racing, cant sleep etc.

    Please, please continue with the blogs. You are not only helping me… are helping others


  18.  #18heartbeat on February 27, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    So much wisdom here – feels like a gift! THANK YOU.

    I’m experiencing what’s beneath my fear and anger in reltionships and starting to express it and it feels scary and good at the same time.

    Reflection I feel very very interested in your upcoming post on Painbody – I feel longing to read it.

    Linmayu (GORGEOUS name!) you wrote (as Reshi) “a trigger–something happens to make me doubt the other person loves me, then I react with anger” … in my case angry feelings which I don’t want to express because i feel all tangled up in whether it’s ‘my stuff’ or ‘relationship’ (unless it’s something big and obvious) especially when I feel like I’m not being cared for ‘properly’.

    I feel grateful for the opportunity to notice this struggle of mine and feel more real, and am curious as to how that will translate into how I speak.

    I’ve come far, and this feels like the deep icky stuff coming up for me. I feel tense and sick and want o hide away, next minute I feel calm and open, excited about my LIFE, and almost nonchalant about my relationship.

    That’s not a lot of detail, but I’m catching up on posts, which I’ve been reading and thoroughly appreciating and drinking in the wonderfullness.

  19.  #19heartbeat on February 27, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    darn forgot to tick the little box…. 🙂

  20.  #20Rori Raye on February 27, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    Ana, Welcome – and I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain – and yet I hear your strength and determination to feel good and get what you want. Just put that HAPPY EVER AFTER in lights for yourself, and we’ll get there…perhaps all it will take is a moment…just one…Love, Rori

  21.  #21heartbeat on February 27, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    Ana – I’m writing this for me too, so I never forget – I remember how my pain and anger energised me from moment to moment… every moment I could I would ask myself ‘what would feel better than THIS’ and ‘what would feel better than this PAIN’ moment after moment. Sometimes I’d do something wild and outlandish, sometimes I’d do something small… until one day I started to come back into peace, and I wanted to experiment, do new things, meet new people, cry, laugh and make mistakes (after all, I’d nothing to lose as i felt I’d lost everything), and learn. And I got to experiment and practice on lots of men, even the man who’d dumped me for an ex-girlfriend (I’d ignored the red flags), and eventually the man I’m with now (and other men who are around). I feel incredibly honoured and grateful to be part of this community and feel hopeful for you. xxxxxx

  22.  #22Linmayu on February 27, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Thanks Daria and Heartbeat for the compliments on my name; that makes me feel really good. It’s a name I decided to give myself some time ago, just because I decided that I wanted to feel good whenever someone said my name, and for some reason that was not the case with the name I had been given by my parents.

    Project Sanctuary sounds right up my alley. Thanks so much for pointing me there. I will also check out the books.

    Ana, I feel sorry to hear that you are experiencing hurt in a relationship. It feels so similar to the hurt I experienced in the last relationship I had…I want to say that you are in the right place. Rori has helped me SO much over these last several months; I was just awed today at how strong and connected to myself I feel. When I was in the painful place of being verbally abused and thrown out by a man I never could have imagined feeling strong. Now that I am out from under his shadow I have started to take in the sunlight and grow stronger and deeper-rooted within myself. It is an interesting and wonderful feeling.

  23.  #23Daria on February 27, 2009 at 11:04 pm

    I feel miserable. I feel a little amused to share why though. I went to my friend’s aunt’s house and I think a flea jumped on me. I keep tingling everywhere and my body is reacting. My shoulder tensed up really hard out of nowhere from a tingle. I put some grapefruit essential oil right now on myself but my shoulder is still feeling really tense and ANGRy my lips are pouted. I feel whiny. And I am loving my feelings, I love my feeling sand I feel disgusted and mad and guilty. I feel guilty because I judge those people as dirty and also because I have my moms voice in my head and I imagine her judging them as dirty and saying ew how can you hang out in that dirty house with those people. The house was very dirty. I feel very tolerant but also I have this mom’s voice and I feel guilty about it. Also I feel like the flea is jumping around my back and on my thighs all over. It’s probably not but it’s making feel like that and I hate that feeling and when my cat has before brought fleas. I feel dirty and disgusting and miserable. And I love my feelings and the pain my muscles feel tensing up and rejecting and revolting. I love myself and my reactions.

    Thank you.

  24.  #24Flipper on February 28, 2009 at 5:12 am

    Heartbeat – it felt so good to read your response (on the other post). I felt tears reading your posts earlier, too. A friend just reminded me about basing myself more from the don’t wants than the wants when things involve some conflict, and I feel that coming through your processes. <3

  25.  #25heartbeat on February 28, 2009 at 6:05 am

    Daria – I feel itchy lol! I have two cats and I put those drops on the back of their necks, as I get a bad allergic reaction to bites. Maybe I can emo that too…

    Flipper you are right on the button – I’ve been reflecting on my process on differences. I feel two parts – 1. I don’t want something, and 2. I feel fear. So I end up setting aside my don’t want and getting interested in the alternative. I haven’t known any different. Until now – now I feel, using this amazing emotrance, calmer about speaking my don’t want WITHOUT getting triggered, aqnd still being interested in the alternative. I’ve been imagining situations and practising when my feelings come up – fear, shrinking – and even just thinking about emo I feel the tension melt away!

    I’m emo-ing all day.