You’re Circular Dating But He Pulls Away – What To Do

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sexyguybackHere’s a letter I got from Jennifer…a very universal situation if you’ve ever been in the business of attracting and being attracted to unavailable, perhaps even Toxic men:

“Rori…I have been listening to you for about a year. My name is Jennifer….I am a 35 year old single woman who has had 3 long term toxic relationships in her whole life. (One was 7 years, one was 4 years and resulted in a broken engagement, which I broke off, and the last was a 1 year Long distance imaginary relationship).

Your programs helped me get out ofthat last one, the one year, passionate (albeit emotionally unavailable man scenario) relationship with a man that devastated me. We broke up in August 2008.

After that, in the span of 7 months, I lost my job, foreclosed on a house, and moved from Las Vegas, (I hated Vegas). I felt renewed, confident, scared, cried a lot, moved on, got stronger, and ordered “Targeting Mr. Right.”….which brings you up to speed…

I have been circular dating since early May of this year. I cannot tell you the difference that I felt at first….sexy, confident, attractive, alive….ready to take on the world! I was open and ready to experience whatever the universe brought me in the form of MEN!! I went out on about 7-8 wine/coffee dates, practiced all of your tools, listening with an open heart, open body language, trying not to judge, etc…

…I met one man I was REALLY crazy about…..he was the ONLY one who got past the first date….we have been out over 9 times, had great dinners, hikes, romantic kisses near the Golden Gate Bridge…awesome chemistry. He is 40, never married, very handsome, has had several long term relationships, even lived with 2 women in the past…..even admitted to commitment phobia in the past, but I refused to judge and decided to just have fun and enjoy him.

BUT to be safe and smart, I was communicating to him, that I JUST moved, that I was actively dating and seeking to meet lots of people, and that was were I was at, even though I really loved being with him,(which I communicated to him) all of which he supported and even applauded me for…at first…

…now it seems like he is backing away because I haven’t changed my stance, and I really haven’t…… I had been STILL going out on coffee dates, although I must admit, as we got closer and closer I stopped for about 3 weeks, even though I didn’t tell him I stopped, because I didn’t want to lose my sense of power for myself or to have him sense that I was trying to CAPTURE……….

Rori, you would be soooo proud of me, because this whole time, even though I have felt my feelings deepen, I have done everything possible to RELAX and RESIST the urge to THROW him into the CAGE, as you call it! And its the one thing that I instinctively feel that is making him back away from me….I have NEVER talked about wanting to be a girlfriend, or in wanting ANY of that, even AFTER we had sex for the first and only time, two weeks ago!!

( He knew I had only had sex with 3 other men my whole life) I think that he is used to all of the women in his life and THEIR CRAP and THEIR urges to CAPTURE, (he has said things like he felt like a sperm donor, or someone that was supposed to fit into their TIMELINES etc., so I KNOW he is used to women and their pressures) He has sent me messages that he really likes me, even holding my hand saying that he would love to be a father, etc.

So….. I deliberately DO NOT do any of those old behaviors, no matter what was happening and as we got closer, I feel like the stronger I got THEN he starts in the last 2 weeks or so backing away, esp since our sexual encounter which was very passionate and fabulous, by the way. Since then, he tells me things like…”HE Is not emotionally ready for a relationship, but he has deep feelings for me, that its not me, but his crap” and he want to take some time for himself….WHAT? I haven’t pressured one bit!

And despite him saying that, He still calls me or texts me everyday ( I NEVER initiate calls,which was one of your tools which I could always do easily).  So in the last two weeks his mood seems a little down, some of his texts went something like….”I wanted to take some time for myself..I am not ignoring you, just wanted you to know..how are you?” He hasn’t made any plans to see me in almost 2 weeks, all the while, phones and texts like this almost every day……

Last night he showed up at my apt here in the City, He lives 20 miles outside the city, and this is the first time I had seen him (since the last time we saw each other and had sex which was at his house, and he asked me to stay the night) So last night in my apt……….we kissed, talked a bit (his behavior was sooooo confusing..it seems like he is waiting for me to say that I don’t want to see other guys..I FEEL that…like, he won’t say anything until I do…all this looks like he can’t man up, so. …I looked into his eyes, and opened my heart and said….”What is going on? (I know…. mistake, but I said it with a feeling message right after which was…I’m here, I like you so much, and I’m confused and feeling a bit anxious about this..what do you think?”

He said he didn’t come over to talk, he just HAD to see me, kiss me, etc. So I dropped it, gave him a huge open heart smile and a deep hug, and said I was so glad to see him and that I missed him, he returned the sentiment, Then after 15 min he left. No plans for any future dates, nothing. I smiled and let him go, even though I was so hurt and angry at that moment………

I don’t have 3 men in my rotation yet…so I won’t let him go just yet….I am not “efforting” at all outwardly, but inside I feel myself becoming a bit obsessed with this…in your experience…what is going on? Is this how some men act when they know you are dating around? I refuse to abandon myself, Although its making me miserable and sad..every date I want the chemistry I feel with him and havent found it yet….is he just being a baby, like you said in T Mr. Right? Can he man up? And should I even give a damn??? Jennifer”

***Here’s my answer:

Jennifer, This was EXACTLY right – NO MISTAKE!!! –

You must ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH…That’s what keeps fear from taking over….and that’s where attraction can grow.

Some men are simply not able to do real relationship.  You know you attract these men and are attracted to them because of your history with Toxic Men.

Circular Dating will smoke those guys out!

He’s not backing away because you’re a free spirit…he’s backing away either because the attraction is not deepening for him, or because you’re not as EASY as he’d hoped, or because he’s a Toxic man and somewhere inside he KNOWS he can’t do this, or he just doesn’t ever WANT to do this, he’s just fighting his attraction to you.  Or, he just wants sex.

He may have felt the pressure from you after sex, and he may feel it from inside himself…but it makes no difference…

Sex is meaningful to a woman, no matter how much of a rock star you aim to be…you can’t help but put out stronger vibes after sex – and if you don’t, you wouldn’t be authentic . That’s why sex should only happen when you know exactly what’s going on with you and you can speak it first.

Let him back off, and if he shows up again, try not having sex. Just tell him that you could feel the pressure, and you’d rather wait and just have fun with him. From what you say about his coming over…sounds more like a booty call to me, too…let’s see what the other women on the blog can offer you…

Love, Rori

275 Comments

  1.  #1alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    “Circular Dating will smoke those guys out!” – rori raye

    heeeheee



  2.  #2alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    jennifer, honestly who can know? even the man does not often know what is going on inside himself.

    i feel good to just follow my feelings. you mentioned you felt angry YET you smiled and sent him on his way. that feels a little discongruent.

    rori doesn’t advocate always playing nicey good sport. from my understanding rori’s tools help me become more authentic and strong and empowered and self loving.

    and then i can speak my truth.

    what will be will be. if it’s meant to be that man will get it together and you’ll fumble through it with each other.

    but circular dating helps me from laser focussing on why why why why why and analyzing a man’s every move. i don’t really care why. i care about how i feel.

    and “if the man is not in front of you he doesn’t exist.” heee heee. i just said that as a reminder to myself not really in context to what i was just writing.



  3.  #3Paula on October 24, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    I’m really new to circular dating but I feel determined to do it! I’m on a few dating sites and I notice that guys wink at me or give me stars (OK Cupid). Some just say Hi. I don’t feel like looking at their profiles until they properly contact me with an email. I feel like Leaning Back and being pursued. Hope I don’t stagnate there as I wait!

    I’m also trying to use feeling messages and Lean Back with an old ex and an old friend (who was jealous of my last ex). It feels a bit of a challenge with these two as they knew me when I was more ‘I think’ and more confrontational. Well, it feels like good practice.

    It’s Saturday night here and I feel lonely. It’s the worst time of the week for me.

    My last 3 relationships have felt so toxic for me. I don’t want to put myself through that pain again. I feel determined not to be sexual too early because then I’m LOST.

    I want to LEARN. I feel SO excited to get Modern Siren.



  4.  #4Nikita on October 24, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    So long frog



  5.  #5Nikita on October 24, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Oooh, I’m on the highway and I just saw a license plate that said….
    A Godess
    That was too cute….is that a message or a mirror 🙂
    LOL



  6.  #6Ann on October 24, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    I agree with Rori:Let him back off, and if he shows up again, try not having sex. Just tell him that you could feel the pressure, and you’d rather wait and just have fun with him.

    And Alias Girl:“if the man is not in front of you he doesn’t exist.”



  7.  #7Ann on October 24, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    How cool Nikita…would a mirror reflect back at you what you are? A Goddess



  8.  #8Nikita on October 24, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    Ann,
    Yup 🙂



  9.  #9Daria on October 24, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    Me feelin sad and bloated and off…sigh…

    me feel downy

    i love me

    me want to be taken care of

    i love me

    me feel sad

    i love sad

    i love me

    me feel not good enough. me feel hopeless.

    me feel “scared” generally around both my parents without anything particular going on. – like the toxic letter said

    but less than before the trauma release therapy

    me feel so much sapped of energy around parents

    me feel guilty

    me feel hopeless

    me feel love for me



  10.  #10alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    i made soup yesterday. not Totally from scratch but almost. and it was on the stove cooking for two hours and i added fresh vegetables to it. i never made soup other than from a can before. and then later when i came back into the house, it smelled like soup. very homey.

    and just now i was skateboarding. (well sort of. people walk faster than i skateboard.)

    and the quality of my men is so much yummier.

    and i rarely get frozen and fall to the floor anymore.

    and i am trying new things.

    and so many toxic people have just poof! disappeared from my life with no effort at all from me.

    and i have boundaries. and i am more fun.

    and i wake up with more energy.

    and so i just want to remind myself i am at a new normal and it’s pretty good. and things happened for the best. SOOOOOO much good has come. so i feel it is best to have faith and remember i am a magician co-creating with the universe. and the universe ADORES me and loves to make me happy.



  11.  #11alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    my new goal for manifesting is i want to manifest at least $20.00 every single day. in whatever way it comes i somehow want 20 bucks to come to me every day as Proof that I am manifesting it. and then i will raise the amount.

    or is this too specific?

    maybe I should just say i want my rent paid?

    I need something tangible to Prove to myself I am manifesting. like my free concert tickets. somewhere i can guage and tweak my process.



  12.  #12alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    ann – “if the man is not in front of you he doesn’t exist.”

    🙂



  13.  #13alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    some man emailed me that looks a lot like my EX, has the same name, yet he is one year younger with no kids. yikes. YIKES! i feel yikes. and also laughing. i love the weirdness of my life.



  14.  #14Daria on October 24, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    i feel better. i have new yummy plum colored sheets that feel rough smooth (egyptian cotton?)

    this man i dono is taking me out to ice cream any minute

    the werid flaker froma few days ago wanted to see me but i felt weird and said no

    i said yes to ice cream guy
    yaya



  15.  #15Daria on October 24, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    he had a plan to make me feel better rather than weird guy who kept tellin me how good a guy he is and how he wants me to come over and wathc cartoons etc and how hes not tryna just have sex and yes we get hurt and cant i make an exception

    im like i dont feel heard about whats important for me about not driving to guys

    so i felt weird still

    even though he did make me feel better by talking to me

    but i felt weird too about him

    not super good

    on the other hand ice cream guy was like im gonna leave this concert to get you ice cream dont feel donw

    im like yay plan

    cool

    i was feeling better too watching a dvd i had meant to watch a long time about original
    Betty boop classics

    betty boop is very feminine hehe



  16.  #16Simply Shannon on October 24, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    I need suggestions ladies. I’m seeing a man who I really like but I do feel pressure from him because he knows I’m still seeing other people. He makes jokes about me dropping him all the time. He admits this is insecurity on his part and he’s working through it. I’ve told him I feel icky when he makes comments like that and he’s stopped them somewhat. Just seems like we keep coming back to me seeing other people and him saying he only wants me. (And let’s be honest, it feels good to have this man clearly coming after me.)

    I need help coming up with something to shift this conversation. Seems like this conversation heads south every time we have it because I’m saying a somewhat heavy comment like “I feel uncomfortable being anyone’s girlfriend right now”. There’s got to be some way to move on from this conversation. It’s kind of throwing a wet dish rag on the party. Blech. I know this is him coming to grips with his own insecurities but I can physically feel him pulling away. It sucks. I haven’t changed my stance (I will circular date) but it’s hard when the man in front of you is NOT understanding it.



  17.  #17alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    simply shannon ask him if he’s ever heard of ‘count blah’ from the tv show, ‘greg the bunny.’

    then start singing the lyrics to one of your favorite songs.



  18.  #18Ann on October 24, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    SS how does the feel to you:

    I am sorry this bothers you but grateful you’re working through it.

    I feel grateful to be on this date with you(or to be with you) let’s focus on each other right now. Then smile real big at him and say I look forward to all the delicious discoveries we’ll make while getting to know each other.

    And when/if he brings it up again you could say:I only want to focus on us in the here and now. And again I am sorry this bothers you but grateful you’re working through it.

    Just something to consider



  19.  #19Kaitlyn on October 24, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    I am feeling this blog entry so much, it’s like someone’s been reading my mind.



  20.  #20laughing goddess on October 25, 2009 at 12:44 am

    “if the man is not in front of you he doesn’t exist.”

    I feel in awe of this statement! It feels profound. It feels like an epiphany. It feels life changing.

    OMG! “if the man is not in front of you he doesn’t exist.”

    OMG!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!



  21.  #21alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 1:20 am

    haha laughing godess. yeah. i bet this is what men feel like: oh pretty goddess in front of me. me like.

    then later—what godess? who? huh? did i promise that? wha?

    then a different day — ooh pretty godess in front of me. me like.

    then later— what’s the score? me like beer. huh? what godess? why is she calling me?

    etc



  22.  #22alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 1:23 am

    if the man is not in front of you, he doesn’t exist.



  23.  #23gina on October 25, 2009 at 4:25 am

    ummm…I guess Johnny just came over for a “booty call.” It wasn’t planned. He FINALLY called to confirm our plans for tommorrow (me driving to his place, going to a festival, and dinner at his place), and I had to text him instead of talk cause I was at work. I felt unsatisfied with the communication, so when i got off work at 1am, I texted “hey are you up?” he said that he was and that he was actually in my town (he lives about 40 minutes away.) I asked him if he wanted to stop by. I felt glad to have an opportunity to see him face to face after over a freakin month of ridiculous speculation about what’s up. He came over and we had a good conversation and a super hot make out session. In the past, he was hesitant, and it felt unnatural and strange to me. But this time, whoa! I did experience the Man behind the “Gentleman”. He asked me to have sex with him, and I was like “say whaaa? no deal!”
    The conversation felt pretty good to me. Basically, he kept saying that I don’t get how bad his situation is. He had very little regard for my feelings. He kept saying that all of it was in my head. Which, hey, I will acknowledge that there has been a WHOLE LOT going on in my head. But when i tried to convey that I feel paranoid when i’m left in the dark, he just kept saying that I need to give him the benefit of the doubt. whateva. sometimes I was a little naggy/needy/heady in the conversation, but mostly I feel good about the experience cause I was so sexilicious it just felt good to be me! and sometimes I would think “I Love me, I love me, I love me!” And he would be groaning along with the chant in my head!! It worked like a freakin CHARM!! Never would I ever have been saying I love myself while making out with a man if it wasn’t for this website, so thank you Rori and Sirens!!! PS. I told him i don’t know if I’ll be joining him tomorrow – I’d rather wait till I can take the train. And I don’t know if i want to see him at all. I’m back to LUVIN him, but I see clearly that there is nothing for me to invest in or dwell on – it’s all up to him and I finally feel willing to give up control of this lil’ relationship and RECEIVE!



  24.  #24gina on October 25, 2009 at 4:26 am

    I realize that it comes off strange that I feel good about a conversation in which he expressed little regard for my feelings, but I do. I don’t need him to do anything. I just needed to get some clarity, and now I have some and it feels good!



  25.  #25CIndy on October 25, 2009 at 5:03 am

    As Rori says, write a list of all that you enjoy doing. This man sounds a bit Toxic to me. He can’t do relationship. He stops by just so you can see him and want him and think of him often again just in case you werent. He wants and needs all the attention. Give it time, tell him you enjoy his company. Hopefully you will meet someone else that you like just as much. Did he say Please don’t circular date? I want you and would love to get engaged and be together forever? until then, keep doing the Circular dating thing. Did he say he doesn’t want to date anyone else? Those are the comments to look for and the actions to back it up.



  26.  #26Linda on October 25, 2009 at 8:35 am

    Lets see, committment phobic… clue one. Never been married, lived with a couple of women… had a couple of long term relationships…. but…. all confirmation of clue one!

    Why do we think that we will be the one that will suddenly shift and rock his world and be the one for his happily ever after. I am thinking that happens in holly wood only!… If you want committment(and we all do) then dont shop in his back or front yard. We go in, shop for what we are looking for, but if all the qualities we need are not there, keep shopping.

    When I was shopping for a car a few years back, I looked and looked. THey all had wheels, seats, doors… you know, but driving them took the search to a new level. Either it fits and gives you the ride you are looking for or doesnt….

    This guy has never been made to face his issues. There are plenty of women out there that wont make him, therefore he hasnt.

    I have spent so much time trying to anaylize and understand why HE (the man I am interested in or frustrated with) is acting like he is. Yesterday I decided that I am not going to do that anymore. I am going to focus on ME. How I feel, What I want and What I need.

    I am responsible for me and how I behave. I am responsible for me to be healthy and ready for a relationship. His stuff is his. If they want to be with me then they are going to have to fit me. No more , only if’s, or taking on his problems or insecurities. His, mine… Gotta keep it seperated and simple. If he cant get past his issues to be with me than he has to get past them. PERIOD.

    This is a new place for me, it feels strong and loving to me.

    I went on a sorta blind date last night. He was not out to get to know me.. he was out to analyze me. Asked me a zillion questions. I felt like I was in a interview. He sat and pontificated on his accessment of life and his take of spirituality and how he has done so much to make himself a better man, etc etc. UGH… I listened for his message. I heard it. Done and moving on… thank you for dinner.

    Ya gotta love circular dating… there is a free meal involved usually and…of course the free practice. too!

    Linda



  27.  #27laughing goddess on October 25, 2009 at 11:15 am

    I love me! I love me! I love me! I love me!

    If the man isn’t in front of you, he doesn’t exist.

    If he is, I love me, I love me, I love me!

    Today I am going to focus on talking less around J. I’ve been noticing that I have been offering lots of opinions lately. I feel masculine when I do that. I feel hopeful that I can stop. I want to be quiet and express myself in feeling messages. I want to report back to you all later on how I do today.

    I love me. I love me. I love me. I am with him right now and it feels amazing because I love me, I love me, I love me….just practicing right now.

    I love siren island too. It feels like we are transforming zee world!!!!!



  28.  #28Tina on October 25, 2009 at 11:50 am

    I agree with what Rori is saying, all of it. I don’t know if it’s fair to say that I will attract men that are not right for me especially in the early stages of circular dating but I”m going to take it as a given. I will assume that the men I attract are not good for me,only because of my background/history with men period. I don’t go out on dates thinking that way though. Something will come up for me eventuallly, like when that guy Jennifer is dating says, I have commitment phobia. I’ve come to learn that men will take whatever you give to them, they will follow you around taking whatever it is you have to offer whether its’ sex , a comfy night on your couch watching movies , a meal whatever you do to convince them , you are good enough.



  29.  #29Uschi on October 25, 2009 at 11:57 am

    alias,

    how do you manifest something – I have no clue



  30.  #30alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    ushi — Fantastic question! have you heard of the law of attraction? I am a studier of the law of attraction and i am becoming a Master.

    i will definitely provide more info on the magic of it, once i have confidence that i am doing it consciously.

    but for now, googling “the law of attraction” or “how to manifest your dreams” or “the secret” or “abraham hicks” – (a little more advanced)

    googling those terms would be a good start.

    :0



  31.  #31Mary Ann on October 25, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    when a man isn’t in front of you he doesn’t exist…I wish I could get my brain to listen to that and act like that!!
    having a down kind of day…still haven’t heard from “him” or the new guy who asked for my #.
    Watched Love Happens today…made me cry…still feel sad and disappointed. I feel like “he” is stealing time from our future…whatever…I just hope that he wasn’t lying to me when he made those promises…its okay if he needs more time..he has a right to take as much time as he needs…I’m not waiting..but I’m having trouble not thinking about him which I’m sure is affecting my vibe.
    Although someone did call me Heaven last night…but I know the guy and he’s has some serious issues..I will NOT be going there that’s for sure.
    Gonna watch “my life in ruins” now…hope it puts me in a better mood.



  32.  #32alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    another thing circular dating is good for is it gave me confidence to really learn how to speak my truth. and i can continually refine How i say things (“choose my words” as rori says)

    i am continually amazed at the resilience of men. they seem to appreciate honesty. and circular dating is good because i can practice on men that i may not be all gaga for and i can witness how they react positively to my honesty and then i have courage (and better tools because of all the practice) to be honest with men i may be gaga for.

    i feel curious how rori got so wise.



  33.  #33Simply Shannon on October 25, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    The guy I mentioned above left me a weird text again last night about the “seeing other people” thing. when I didn’t respond, he sent me anther text this morning asking if I was mad. (I was actually sleeping and just hadn’t respond to him yet). So I responded by saying “I don’t feel mad. I feel frustrated. I like being with u a lot. I want to get to know u and enjoy discovering u. Just let the future happen. What do you think?” He then asked why I felt frustrated. I replied “I’m sensing your unease and I feel frustrated that I don’t know what to do. I want u close to me. That’s all I know. What do you think?” After that one he apologized and said he didn’t feel uneasy. I’m hoping he stops with this guilt trip thing. I am NOT going to stop circular dating til I know I’m with my forever man.

    Truthfully, I know if I gave in and said “ok I’ll just see you” that this guy wouldn’t value me. I sense his personality here and I know he values me more because I’m not giving in. Regardless of what happens, this is a good message for me:

    A man won’t value me if I just bend to his will and give him whatever he wants. He may hate the chase in his head, but it is the way to capture his heart.

    God bless you Rori. I cannot thank you enough!! I’m getting it and getting better about saying what I’m feeling.

    Shannon

    Oh yeah…

    ***bounce***

    AG: I’m still in the bouncy house with you. That friggin’ rocks!! This is such a cool tool!

    ***bounce***



  34.  #34Ann on October 25, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Uschi and Alias Girl if your interested you can go to the link below and sign up for emails and recieve a link to download the FREE report, “Quick Prosperity Strategies”. I really like the report, it has ways to bring more abundance to all areas your life.

    http://www.opentoprosperity.com/ezine.html



  35.  #35Daria on October 25, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Ice cream guy has a Black Card! and he’s super friendly and cool (as a friend not as dating, because he’s married… although i dono what kinda arrangement he has, but anyway hes cool as a friend).

    Sooo it freakin rocks. hes gonna help me on monday to talk to the banks (hes gonna be on the line with me) and lower my mininum payments yay



  36.  #36Daria on October 25, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    ok now i feel bad cuz my sis is texted me basically: well i need you but you dont care
    and im like huh
    and she said well i asked u if you were coming out here a couple days ago and you didnt answer
    and shes like but its whatever

    so she wants a ride to get the kids holloween costumes

    and im feeling all judgemental
    i dont want to be needed (but in the past i set up this pattern with her because i WANTED to be needed so badly)

    so now im tryna undo it

    i already said i dont want to feel like ur only calling me cuz u need something and she said yeah
    and well she brought that up too
    which was sweet
    but shes still kinda doing it

    what to do what to do

    i feel mad

    i mean im gonna go give her a ride to get the kids costumes
    im feeling good today and plus i have my goddaughter’s shoes and teddy bear that ive been meaning to take up there

    but i feel mad to be “needed”

    my thoughts are : well if i were her i would take the bus

    (but its possible the bus doesn’t quite take you there)

    i would take the the bus tho

    but she wont … she probalby would want a ride, and im the closest person to her (friendship wise)

    so i dono…

    i mean if my friend had a car and zipped around everywhere i would maybe ask for a ride too

    or would i

    i might still take the bus i dono

    ugh i feel icky



  37.  #37Daria on October 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    the thing is i actually Want to give her a ride to get the kids holloween costumes. now that im feeling good i want to take my goddaughter her teddybear and shoes, and totally dont mind going to the holloween store

    But i do feel angry i guess about the way im being asked? “needed”

    even though i feel angry at her i still want to go give her a ride… sometimes i feel like i dont because i feel mad…

    so wats really going on

    i dono

    i dont want to lose a friendship and my godkids

    but hey
    thats probably not gonna happen over some honesty

    i dont fuckin know what to say so i feel frustrated



  38.  #38Daria on October 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    like asking me:

    are you coimng out here tomorrow?

    well actuall no im not i wasnt plannig to, i might but i dono

    oh i need you to help me get the kids holloween costumes

    oh… well i dont feel good hearing that… i dont want to be needed

    i mean its cool to be there for each other but i feel not good about this right now

    and i feel like i have to say really clearly why

    hmm

    this feels frustrating



  39.  #39Daria on October 25, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    I feel angry.

    A voice of me says, well knowing her, she Wont take the bus and, what if the kids wind up without costumes, and shell be mad at Me for it

    also for groceries i just thought that they could take a cab

    or maybe they could pay me like 20 bucks

    but i feel bad asking my friends to pay me for a ride

    ive never done that

    but maybe i could/should

    maybe they can get a cabbie online taht will be ok with making an extra 20 bucks to drive them there and even wait for them to buy groceries… hmmm



  40.  #40Daria on October 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    The truth is that costs me about 15 dollars

    not to mention time out of my day

    so yeah

    i bet shell be furious

    what if she never wants to talk to me again

    that would hurt

    i would be ok though

    even though i would miss her and my Godkids a lot

    lol its too late to change my Godson’s name,

    he’s already named Adarius

    hehe

    middle name

    i feel shaky

    now i feel like it will be difficult for me to nap



  41.  #41alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    “Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.”

    i am an infj. i feel very “special”. 🙂

    also, though, explains my feeling of not quite feeling ‘part of’ maybe.



  42.  #42Daria on October 25, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    i feel bad asking her for money because last time i talked to her she was telling me how she was feeling stressed about money

    im feeling stressed about money too

    grr

    i feel tired angry and tight in my jaw. i love my anger
    i love my tiredness

    i feel afraid in my lower back. i love my fear i love my lower back

    a lot of people have stopped hanging out with her because fo this stuff, feeling like theyre expected to do s\tuff

    well i dont want to be just another one of those people

    i really do love her

    but i dont want to feel icky

    i feel icky

    that feels icky

    i love my icky feeling

    i love my annoyance



  43.  #43alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    i feel like i am starting to make sense to myself. i feel like i am coming home to myself. i feel like i was led astray from myself by people, and a world, who didn’t know any better.

    i feel so happy and optimistic and hopeful and passionate and curious.

    i feel compassion for people who may have mistreated me in the past. or people who may have shown jealousy or fear or tried to tear me down.

    i feel compassion for my lashing out and misguidedness in the past. i feel forgiveness for not always caring for myself in the highest way possible.

    i feel excited and i feel like baby step by baby step i can remain open to the daily adventure of life. ahhhhhh i feel a little nervous.

    🙂



  44.  #44alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    thanks for that link ann, i am looking at it now. 🙂

    here is a site that i have been visiting:

    http://www.choosingprosperity.com

    i am playing the prosperity game and i am on day 27.



  45.  #45alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    thanks for that link, ann. i am looking at it now. 🙂

    here is one i have been visiting. i am playing the prosperity game and i am on day 27.

    http://www.choosingprosperity.com



  46.  #46alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    thanks for the link, ann. i am looking at it now. 🙂

    i tried (3 times!!) to put a link of a prosperity site that i visit but for some reason it won’t post. i feel a weird mystery.

    anyway i am very happy to be referred to that prosperity site since this is a big focus for me now.



  47.  #47alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    choosingprosperity

    dot

    com

    i am playing the prosperity game. and also keeping the gratitude journal.



  48.  #48Ann on October 25, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Your welcome Alias Girl. I’m also working on LOA. I really like what this guide has in it. I know when I feel more grateful even for the smallest things my vibe feels different. More abundance of the good feels fantastic.

    I believe I favorite the site you mention the other day but haven’t had a chance to check it out good but I will.

    Right now I’m patiently(or rather trying to be lol) waiting for some music to download from walmart dot com. I got Cowboy Cassanova the other day. I like that song 🙂 7 minutes to go on the first song lol



  49.  #49alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    hmm. i feel unsure. i tried to post that site the other day and it wouldn’t post. did it eventually go up???

    well i don’t want to Push the site. i only want to post it once and if people are interested, great. if not, great.

    i feel smiley you are downloading music you like,ann.

    i feel like doing something fun. i am going to go find something to get into. 🙂



  50.  #50Aminata on October 25, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    laughing goddess,

    you made me crack up with all the OMG!!! OMG!!!! I totally felt that.

    If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist.

    i need that sentence and the laughs now. I just ditched an imaginary relationship. It’ll be easier for me to forget about that guy now instead of hashing out a bunch of garbage in my head.

    Time to take out the trash!



  51.  #51Tina on October 25, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Alias girl, what is infj?



  52.  #52Ann on October 25, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    Picking out more songs now Alias Girl.

    If it will post for me below is the link you posted the other day. You were talking about the free online prosperity game if I remember correctly.

    http://www.choosingprosperity.com/



  53.  #53Ann on October 25, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    UMMMM this is weird I just tried to post the link you posted the other day AG but it didn’t post for some reason. You were talking about the free online prosperity game I believe.

    I love hearing about fun things the sirens are doing. It feel mucho grande.

    Ok scratching my head in wonder and back to downloading more music.



  54.  #54Tina on October 25, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    My online dating profile is attracting men that I am not interested in at all! I bought some movies , that Im going to watch in a few minutes. Oh the one man I thought was ok, said my profile was very interesting and asked how I was doing, I replied back, I feel great and thank you for asking, Tina. and thats it. ok movie time.



  55.  #55Tina on October 25, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    I finished making spag and meatballs, I had a friend over today, we ate then went to the drugstore to look at makeup haha.



  56.  #56Tina on October 25, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    I havnt worked out in a few days , my back feels sore from pms blah. I’m taking evening primrose oil, my doc recommends the max dose , 12 capsules a day, I actually feel much better than before. I’m also trying a new hormone balancing cream, its a plant based cream , works great, no horse pee for me!



  57.  #57Tina on October 25, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    PMS really sucks! I’m attracting men I dont feel good about because I’m Pms’sing lol.



  58.  #58Daria on October 25, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    I feel crappy! I was feeling great earlier just lovely and open and optimistic and now worrying about this feeling with my sister feels like my body is heavy, my mouth and cheeks are hanging down, my knees are hot



  59.  #59Daria on October 25, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    I love my crappy feeling. I feel ashamed. I love my shame.

    My guy that i talked to on the phone said well asking for 20 dollars is a bit much and helping others God pays you back but if you dont want to do it say no.

    well i feel like ok but i feel complicated i dono

    i feel so heavy right now i dont even feel like going cuz i feel this heavy energy



  60.  #60Daria on October 25, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    ok so apparrently i still have obsessive thinking, its just not about men any more.

    now its about money and other relationships

    this is weird because until recently everything was going very tra la la

    it still seems to be going tra la la but im not enjoying it

    i have a big headache

    i texted my sister im thinking about going tomorrow

    but i still feel crappy

    i dont want to get asked for rides at all!

    and i feel guilty… what if she really needs a ride

    i guess she kidna does

    but still

    now i feel guilty asking for 20 bucks

    i guess my asking was a way to make it winwin and also a way to “impose a cost” on ehr for asking

    therefore she would be more likely to maybe find other options

    than thinking well its easy to just ask d

    urr

    i feel crappy

    i dont want to be asked for rides

    i feel worried her and her mom are gonna be like ok who does she think she is. shes being a jerk…

    she doesnt want to be asked for rides? i thought you were my sister

    grrr

    so what

    i dont want to be asked for rides

    unless its an emergency ie someones hurt or something
    which i dont want to happen

    so i dont want to be asked

    and i feel guilty



  61.  #61Daria on October 25, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    i feel defensive and mistrusting and angry it feels like being tight in my mouth and chest and tummy.

    i WANT to feel free open HONORED RESPECTED CHERISHED LOVED SAFE and good

    that would feel like big smile, warmth throughout my chest

    easy happy thoughts of good feeling things



  62.  #62alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    i feel sad. i feel not good enough. i feel like oh puhlease who on earth could love me? i feel like burting into flames and then a tornado and then a flood and i feel so ridiculoua i am in a public place and i am typing into my phone and crying.

    i feel like all a man could really want from me is sex nothing more.

    i feel so weird i deserve to be mocked and mobbed and ganged up on. i feel tears running down my face and i am in a freaking public place and i am using my sweater to wipe them away.

    i feel inadequate and weird and socially inept and

    i feel confused how i am going to survive.

    i feel sobbing. i feel ridiculous. and i feel major tension in my jaw from trying to hold back the tears.

    and i feel like who am i kidding. oh lordy. i love my tears and my weirdness and my fears and my social ineptness and my crippling low self esteem. yae.



  63.  #63Daria on October 25, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    AG hugs!

    I love crying in public places (sometimes)

    I feel very girly hehe

    HUGS HUGS



  64.  #64Daria on October 25, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    I WANT to be invited over to taste some pie, or chill and talk, or play a videogame

    that woudl feel like, fun, being wanted, friendship, feeling good and comfortable, that would feel like smile, like openess all in my chest and in my head like clear sky

    I want to be offered something like money or something i would enjoy or want when im asked for a favor

    that would feel like fairness, it woudl feel like choice, it would feel like being cared for and protected, that would feel like being cherished… that would feel like a hug like feeling warm, smily, good, cozy



  65.  #65Ann on October 25, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    Hugs Alias Girl I feel sad that you’re sad.



  66.  #66alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    aw. hugs back daria and ann. i feel uplifted and supported and part of and understood and accepted. i feel part of. aw. i feel pouty face. no. i don’t want to cry again. but these are different tears. tears of feeling loved.



  67.  #67Daria on October 25, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    alias girl i feel glad you feel supported yay. i feel good doing the prosperity exercise you put up.

    i deposited 100 in my bank hehe to cover upcoming bills and put gas in my car

    looking forward to more more



  68.  #68alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    yes! daria fun! the game has opened up my consciousness. i am on day 27 and i am like wtf do i do with $27,000 today!

    i just took a test that tested to see if i have asperger’s syndrome. the average score is 16. a person with autism or asperger’s gets a 32 or higher. well, i am 23. that’s seven points away from normal and nine points away from autistic.

    yes. ok.



  69.  #69Daria on October 25, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    mm
    AG where is that asperger;s test? i feel very curious about my own score…

    I just brushed my skin! wooo ppeeee
    this is the most wonderfulest thingy ever

    looking forward to no more back pimples soon yay



  70.  #70alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    it’s on the okcupid site. someone mentioned that site (thank you) so i joined and i seem more interested in taking the tests than looking at men. 🙂

    i just took a test that said i am a pollyana. no, duh. really?

    i don’t want to take the IQ test though because i know i will score average, at best.



  71.  #71alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 11:22 pm


  72.  #72Daria on October 25, 2009 at 11:57 pm

    I got :

    INFP – the Healer



  73.  #73Daria on October 25, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    only 1% of the population shares my type
    wowzers



  74.  #74Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:00 am

    ok weirdly enough this is like really describing my personality pretty well

    “You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more feeling based than thinking based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than having a plan. Your type can best be summarized by the word “Healer”, which belongs to the larger group of idealists. You have a capacity for caring that is deeper than most. You strive for unity, are
    !!!!!!fascinated by the battles between good and evil, !!!!!!!

    and can be something of an idealist. Only 1% of the population shares your type.

    As a romantic partner, you are usually supprtive and nuturing, however, you have a high need for individuality. Harmony is extremely important to you as you are very affected by conflict and tension, which also makes you resist confronting your partner directly about problems. When you get angry, you usually blame yourself, rather than your partner. You can also be stubborn and unyielding when you feel you are being criticized or mistreated. You feel the most appreciated when your partner listens to you carefully. You need to be understood. You need to hear your partner express their feelings, the more often, the better.”



  75.  #75Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:06 am

    can’t find the asperger test, link not working



  76.  #76laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 12:27 am

    Daria: can u give link for the test u took?



  77.  #77alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 12:28 am

    the whole link didn’t get underlined. let me try again

    http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-asperger’s-syndrome-test



  78.  #78alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 12:32 am

    here’s what mine said, which i also felt very in agreement with pretty much all of it:

    Your type is best summed up by the word “counselor”, which belongs to the larger group of idealists. Only 2% of the population share your type. You are so empathic that you often know what others need before they know themselves. You are a complex person who can deal with complicated issues and people, almost prefer to, as you love problem solving. You can be something of an idealist or perfectionist, and should try to take yourself a little less seriously.

    You are a supportive and insightful romantic partner, encouraging your mate to have dreams and work hard to make those dreams come true. Because you are so creative, you have a wealth of ideas to help them toward those goals. You need harmony so much that you are driven to resolve conflict quickly, as long as the terms don’t violate your ethics. You feel the most appreciated when your partner admires your creativity, trusts your inspirations, and respects your values. It is also vitally important that your partner be open and emotionally available – in other words, that they be willing to share themselves completely.



  79.  #79Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:36 am

    okay i am unaffected by asperger’s it seems… it got a 15 which is 1 point less than the average unaffected even… although my wanting to point that out points to something different… wow see ht epoint pattern i feel teary eyed

    LG the link to the test i took is… one second…



  80.  #80Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:38 am


  81.  #81alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 12:38 am

    here’s another one i took! haha also, sometimes unfortunately very accurate

    http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-brutally-honest-personality-test

    The Brutally Honest Personality Test

    Pollyanna- INFP
    50% Extraversion, 53% Intuition, 27% Thinking, 47% Judging

    So, you want to make the world a better place? Too bad it’s never gonna happen.
    Of all the types, you have to be one of the hardest to find fault in. You have a selfless and caring nature. You’re a good listener and someone who wants to avoid conflict. You genuinely desire to do good.

    Of course, these all add up to an incredibly overpowered conscience which makes you feel guilty and responsible when anything goes wrong. Of course, it MUST be your fault EVERYTIME.

    Though you’re constantly on a mission to find the truth, you have no use for hard facts and logic (!!!!!!!!), which is a source of great confusion for those of us with brains. Despite this, in a losing argument, you’re not above spouting off inaccurate fact after fact in an effort to protect your precious values.

    You’re most probably a perfectionist, which in this case, is a bad thing. Any group work is destined to fail because of your incredibly high standards. (!) 🙁

    Disregard what I said before. You’re just easy to find fault in yourself as everyone else!

    Luckily, you’re generally very hard on yourself, meaning I don’t need to waste my precious time insulting you. Instead, just find all your own faults and insult yourself.



  82.  #82Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:39 am

    thanks for the link ag… i felt surprised when i read your description because it reminded me of how you said you like to help the person you are with and find lots of stuff to do that…

    i feel interested in how that will workout for you in a feminine way perhaps it can be part of it in a way that i am unaware of right now at this moment of consciousness



  83.  #83Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:39 am

    that is i feel good imagining how that would work out in a good feeling way



  84.  #84Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:41 am

    AG urgh i feel mad and want to smash those test writers because that is my type that i got (on the Full test)



  85.  #85alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 12:43 am

    this feels fun. 🙂



  86.  #86alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 12:46 am

    the full test is the more real accurate test. the other one is made up by some yahoo having fun. i feel confused why you feel angry though.

    and yes i have a craving to help Everybody live the life of their dreams only trouble is not Everybody wants my help.

    even though i am psychic and totally get what they need.



  87.  #87alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 12:48 am

    daria take the brutally honest personality test!!! it may give you something different. it is not the scientific test— it is totally made up by some crackpot webmaster having fun.



  88.  #88Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:49 am

    I felt attacked by the comments lol. I feel like bashing when i feel criticized. they said the world will never be how i want it to or something like that
    bash
    bash



  89.  #89Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:49 am

    yes but the comments are related to bash the personality type



  90.  #90Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:50 am

    i will take it… my computer is still stuck tryna do the how white am i test



  91.  #91Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:51 am

    Gangsta ‘licious
    You are 37% White

    Your result for The How White Are You Test …

    Gangsta ‘licious
    You are 37% White

    Your ability to walk amongst people of different races is outstanding. You enjoy fried chicken and arent afraid to show it. Be proud of who you are, wether you’re a brother, an eminem lover, or a 14yr old kid with the assistance of google.



  92.  #92Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:52 am

    hmm i liek that. your ability to walk amongst people of different races is outstanding

    i love messages

    fried chicken does sound good right now. I like fried chicken. I like pan fried chicken more tho no batter but hey im Romanian



  93.  #93alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 12:56 am

    no no that test is totally all mixed up. i bet you get something different that won’t offend you as much!

    i want to take the whitey cracker test. yes yes please post the link!



  94.  #94Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:59 am

    grr well i got something that was off…

    but the offensive wording is meant to insult the personality, so it wouldn’t matter to me what test i got the result in…

    but yeah this is what i got which i feel shocked and annoyed by

    Scumbag- ENFP
    60% Extraversion, 87% Intuition, 20% Thinking, 20% Judging

    I have a feeling you’re not going to like this much. Do I care? No. How do I know? It’s because you hate criticism. You love to be loved and you’ll do anything to be accepted.
    Unfortunately for you, I can see right through your insincere compliments and over-the-top greetings. No matter what you do, I’ll always hate you for what you are. An arrogant, unstable, overly enthusiastic scumbag.

    I bet you’re pretty proud of your accomplishments, huh? You seem to achieve at whatever you put your little mind too. Trust me. Nobody likes the person who is good at everything. NOBODY LIKES YOU.

    This might also have something to do with the fact that you’re a cheating machine. You’re just not the type of person to make long-term commitments. You enjoy seeing “what could be”, rather than being satisfied with “what is.” This, of course, means you often leave others in the dust while you seek out another lover.

    Well, at least you’re not the one left in the dust.

    Unfortunately, when you’re the one lying in the gutter with a bloody knife in your back, you might think differently.



  95.  #95Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:01 am

    http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-how-white-are-you-test

    here it is… hint theres Kanye in it later



  96.  #96alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 1:09 am

    haha i found it. i am gangsta licious too, daria! but i totally lied on the alleged upgrades i made to my car and on other questions too. heehee. that was a funny and offensive test.



  97.  #97alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 1:13 am

    omg how offensive is that test??

    but honestly that person is bitter.

    if you read between the lines, he is saying:

    you are a super genius and are on the leading edge of thought and i could not even come close to the way your mind works or what you will manage to accomplish in your life because i just haven’t got the goods quite like you do.

    so my only recourse is to try and tear you down. he is so jealous. although humorous in his rage.



  98.  #98Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:14 am

    omgosh!

    i didnt lie
    i felt frustrated about the upgrades
    im like grrr
    i wish i made more upgrades now i hope this doesnt affect me negatively
    loool

    i need a bad girl!~ get at me baaad girl

    work me baby do it the way i like

    im ready to be bad
    if you a bad girl!
    get at me bad girl!!!



  99.  #99Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:19 am

    I am a super genius and on the leading edge of thought

    and (this is where i feel afraid of fail!) will manage to accomplish AMAZING MAGICAL AMAZING THINGS in your life



  100.  #100alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 1:21 am

    yes you will daria. AMAZING MAGICAL AMAZING things.



  101.  #101Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:30 am

    thanks AG

    i feel so afraid i won’t! people say that i won’t finish wht i start (actually taht’s what it says for gemini’s and for vata ayurvedic types)

    i DONT want to believe that

    grr

    sigh feel sad

    i just gave myself a lymphatic massage which felt great



  102.  #102alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 1:37 am

    that’s crapola. when you line up with something that you feel passionate about it will give you a bug to finish it.

    do you stop writing your comments before you are through expressing yourself? do you stop eating before you are done satisfying your hunger? have you stopped becoming a goddess because there are sometimes obstacles (eh hem DRIVING to you )

    NO. when you are properly motivated you will finish what you Decide to finish because it feels good to do so the whole way through.

    other things you didn’t finish because maybe you got bored. and other people who aren’t bored by those things will finish those things. you are on the Leading Edge. what– you think there is some kind of crowd there? NO. look around, there is not.

    so you will find your thing(s) and believe me you will finish them.



  103.  #103alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 1:39 am

    oh that was total boy. my bad. pedone me.

    my girl go tossed out the window there for a sec.

    sorry.

    in other words, i feel very excited and confident you will find something that excites you enough to not even consider whether you will finish it or not because you will be so caught up in doing it.

    argh. still not quite all girl there.

    i feel supportive. tada.



  104.  #104Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:41 am

    Thanks AG

    you are right. overall my experience has not been that i dont finish things.

    I finished lots of stuff more than not. it just feels annoying and discouraging to read that as a description of my “type” and its one of the reasons I felt angry and limited by my astrology sign.

    grr

    you are right

    I call BS

    thank you

    how do i defrost tuna so i can eat it as sashimi

    also wow Danger is really having RJ’s baby

    i Love danger. She gave me the Tiger on Face tool.

    she’s freakin crazy and cool and i can’t believe shes actually having Rj’s baby hehehe

    what a wild girl yay danger



  105.  #105Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:41 am

    THANK YOU AG THAT WAS REALLY REALLY REALLY HELPFUL

    i feel very strengthened



  106.  #106Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:42 am

    RE POSTING For myself:

    that’s crapola. when you line up with something that you feel passionate about it will give you a bug to finish it.

    do you stop writing your comments before you are through expressing yourself? do you stop eating before you are done satisfying your hunger? have you stopped becoming a goddess because there are sometimes obstacles (eh hem DRIVING to you )

    NO. when you are properly motivated you will finish what you Decide to finish because it feels good to do so the whole way through.

    other things you didn’t finish because maybe you got bored. and other people who aren’t bored by those things will finish those things. you are on the Leading Edge. what– you think there is some kind of crowd there? NO. look around, there is not.

    so you will find your thing(s) and believe me you will finish them.



  107.  #107Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:42 am

    omgosh i feel so passionate and good and shaking with anger at being told im not gonna finish stuff!

    I CAN AND WILL FINISH STUFF ARE YOU KIDDING ME YOU ARE RIGHT!



  108.  #108Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:43 am

    I FEEL CRYING WITH BIG SOBSSSSSSss



  109.  #109Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:45 am

    i feel hot tears

    i feel so thankful for crying and for support than k you God and AG that was really important to me

    oh my God

    this feels really intense

    crying



  110.  #110Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:46 am

    do you stop writing your comments before you are through expressing yourself? do you stop eating before you are not hungry?

    no no no i dont do those things

    omg it seems so clear noww

    i feel so thankfullll

    whats going onnn with the crying thank you fro the crying i feel thankful for whatever is going on with me now

    it feels good like releasing

    omgosh



  111.  #111Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:48 am

    i feel so thankful

    i feel so seen

    omgooooodddd i feel shaken



  112.  #112Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:48 am

    how could i have believed something so silly about myself!

    wwwaah

    omgosh

    i love this crying



  113.  #113Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:51 am

    i feel shaky

    i feel thankful

    no one has said something like that to me before

    i felt racked by it

    i feel like my plant tree inside just got strong from being all like stoft and flaccid now it feels like vital and strong and green with little white plant hairs



  114.  #114Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:54 am

    i feel like i got watered and nourished

    i feel strong!

    yay

    i finish my comments i finish eating not just eating i finish satisfying my hunger ! i finish stuff i feel passionate about of course i satify my hunger! of course shake shake i feel relieved



  115.  #115Daria on October 26, 2009 at 1:56 am

    thank goodness for AG being a counselor type and using her “out the window” tool to bless me with her boy energy

    i feel honored and throw myself on my knees grateful



  116.  #116alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 2:09 am

    oooh i feel humble yet validated and a touch magical. 🙂



  117.  #117Daria on October 26, 2009 at 2:12 am

    I love AG!!! I love AGeee!

    i am singing a song

    i am imagining AG hiding and feeling shy now and i feel like flooding her with loooovee until she peeks out

    at the love river bringing flower petals and swirly colors and music towards her all for her to drench her in Looooveee

    hehehe

    AG drenched in Looove water that feels amusing

    now i feel guilty and uncomfortalbe a lil bit like i got too friendly and maybe she doesnt want to be laughed at as shes drenched in loove water

    mm

    i will also drench myself in love water and now it feels a little safer



  118.  #118Daria on October 26, 2009 at 2:14 am

    wow humble and validated and a touch magical is quite close to what i was imagining hehehehe

    yay love water drenching

    im drenching the whole island

    i make it rain i make it rain i make it rain on them Sirens heheheheheeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



  119.  #119Daria on October 26, 2009 at 2:15 am

    i found an opened can of preservative free pink salmon and me and my cat ate it!

    i satisfied my hunger

    i feel GREAT!!!

    i feel chest filling and open and wonderful!



  120.  #120alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 2:27 am

    🙂 i feel teary.

    and alittle vomitous. to do with my own self and ugh. ugh. i feel naseous. i feel laughing. and also like i am car sick. ugh.

    i like the love rain though. that feels gooooooooooooddddd.



  121.  #121Tina on October 26, 2009 at 4:31 am

    I’m afraid that I will never have a relationship, if I keep denying these men haha, there is also this feeling I have that I am feeling much stronger, on the inside. There is this lingering thought that when I do these tools then I will never have a man, ok maybe one but isnt that the whole idea. I cried again last night over my breakup, pms too , I dont want to blame it all on pms though. I’m just having stronger feelings around this time. Im usually level headed, cool as a cucumber type personality, I do let things get under my skin on occasion, especially when I am feeling like I am being messed with.

    I canceling hunting date lol, I’m having my period and pms’ing, IM NOT GOING! forget it , not going to happen. I am not going to be a hunter/gatherer this week, I’m staying home in my nice warm bed and watch movies and eat carrot cake and yogurt ice cream.

    I took a I.Q test from a psychologist a few years back, along with a few others lol, when I felt crazy, she quickly cancelled that out for me, she said nope your not crazy but you do have excellent memory recall , photographic almost, I asked her if that was bad, she said no. ok great, so I’m not crazy and have good memory wow thats it. yes your average intelligence good luck lol. hahaha.

    I met an older lady the other day, she was smoking a ciggie, she told me she would quit someday, she said she is 76, I wouldnt have guessed her to be that age, maybe closer to 60. I said to her well, I hear eating french fries is worse for you, she smiled haha, she was so full of life and sparkly, I want to be like her well kinda in my own way 🙂 I met another one in her 80’s closer to 90, she wore really cool jewelry and had nice blue eyes, long hair in a braid, she came out for a night of listening to karaoke, she loved my patsy cline lol.



  122.  #122Tina on October 26, 2009 at 4:40 am

    My phone is ringing off the hook,with traveling date guy, I am supposed to be on a plane tomorrow morning lol, not going either lol. I”m just wondering if I didnt make myself not clear enough?, it will be pretty clear tomrrow, I’ll visit him some other time when he comes to his senses and its a shorter trip like a day or two rather than five days. Maybe in November…



  123.  #123Tina on October 26, 2009 at 5:31 am

    He “traveling date” just sent me another email asking me if I am coming sheesh, ok so maybe I’m not making myself clear enough,so I sent him another email saying I AM NOT COMING! I dont feel comfortable nor do I feel safe , I will not put myself in a situation where I feel I am being treated poorly or disrespectfully. I said I feel overwhelmed by the phone calls. This will pass, I know that this is the level of men I am dealing with, a reflection of me? would I have gone if I didnt know what I know now? shivers ,

    You think he will keep calling? I do.
    It really bothers me that he called E.T a whore because she married more than once, but he’s ok with mail order brides and hookers? I donno. He asked me if I was “marriage material” lol who the hell asks that question? He said “marriage material”. those words lol. do I need to answer that, I didnt anyway, I said what the hell kinda question is that?
    He should get the message when he goes to his office this morning.



  124.  #124Tina on October 26, 2009 at 5:48 am

    Shall I remind you, dearest tina, that the reason you care so much, sometimes even worry so much, is because there still exists between you and life, a passionate love affair.

    And because of this, everything’s going to be just fine.

    xxoo,
    The Universe



  125.  #125Flipper on October 26, 2009 at 6:31 am

    Mmmmmmmm I just feel like being cuddled in the embrace of the Universe. It feels so soft and calm and safe there.



  126.  #126Tracy on October 26, 2009 at 7:06 am

    Ann,
    You mentioned about an AHA Moment and i found it so interesting because the whole explanation is in a book i am reading from the 1800……its about feeling the energy of attraction from inside going out…..its explains how when we really feel happy and express the love and happiness outwardly….its like a magnet….and the attraction to the rest of the world is simply a reaction to something beautiful and good within us…..Amazing….



  127.  #127Tracy on October 26, 2009 at 7:15 am

    I’ve been going through what i’d like as my ideal man….the character,the features….what i generally prefer….I felt stuck in the past because memories of my ex kept coming up each time i tried visualizing and i felt pain each time i tried to picture a good relationship…….i kept going back to him all the time and his face kept sticking in my mind…..aggggggghhhhh
    Now i am working on a strategy of visualizing the experience of being with this great man……It feels more relaxing to feel the feelings i would feel…the things i would say and the experience we’d share….
    Its also helping so much with circular dating because i am starting to feel less choosy….and the not so attractive men feel soft to me……..i feel more connected to the universe and to everyone….i feel calm and more confident….i feel that i am starting to learn how to allow…..it feels more relaxing….



  128.  #128jennifer on October 26, 2009 at 7:39 am

    I feel annoyed. My chocolate was supposed to have some mousse inside and it was all dried up and chunky. Ewww…I feel yucky.
    I also feel stuck. I have been with B for 6 years. He has been in the Army for 1.5 and away. I feel like despite the phone calls and letters I have an imaginary boyfriend. I asked him yesterday on the phone if he was my imaginary BF and he said no. I said that I was starting to feel like there is no relationship and he said he knows. If he knows, why hasn’t he fixed it?
    I want to start circular dating but I feel guilty. He is getting his butt kicked in this training and I feel he needs my support. It would stress him out to be told that i am opening up my options and accepting dates from other men. Plus I won’t see his face until Dec. I feel saying something like that in a letter / email /on the phone would be disrespectful. And unfair. And cowardly.
    He wants me to fly to his base in Dec so we can drive home together….two days with sight seeing. I feel excited about that trip. He says to let him know if i need help paying for the plane ticket.
    I don’t feel good paying for the plane ticket!!!! If I take two days off of work I lose two days pay. I feel he should pony up the money.
    I want to feel like a pampered princess…I have totally earned it! A year and a half of weekend visits? I want to have the dec trip planned and paid for for me. I just want to get on a plane and go ….He makes soooo much more money than me!
    Grrrr……..I feel annoyed.



  129.  #129laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 8:05 am

    Thanks for the test link daria. I went to sleep last night after asking for it. I feel a little sad that I didn’t stay up and play with the sirens.



  130.  #130laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 9:09 am

    INFP – The healer….that’s me.

    Daria – I am also a gemini vata (but i have lots of pitta too). I feel understanding of why we felt such a resonance when I first came on this site…according to the tests, we do have a lot in common.

    Not sure how down or ghetto I am 🙂 didn’t take the test for that yet.

    I’m feeling lazy. I want to get motivated. I want to get focused. I want to feel productive and in the flow. I feel hungry. I want some food. I want my inner boy to get in gear and take care of my inner girl.

    I’m gonna do it right now. I’m gonna do it!!!!! Inner boy providing for lovely soft inner girl.

    Just read Rori’s new newsletter. Love it! I feel great when my breathing comes from my vajayjay and I repeat “he wants me”. I feel really good doing that! I also feel SEXY when I focus my energy there. I feel scared that I will turn into a crazy sex maniac and start jumping all hot people I see. I feel scared my vajayjay will take over and start running the show. I feel sort of hopeful that she will…would probably feel more fun than boring mind running it. I feel vajayjayaliscious! I feel strong, soft, juicy, warm, and a little out of control.



  131.  #131laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 9:10 am

    I feel turned on



  132.  #132Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:25 am

    I honestly feel right now, I could care less why my circular dating guy is pulling away. He is there for a reason/message I”m supposed to figure it out , that is it. Why he is pulling away is not my problem, go away far far away and let me deal with my feelings. Sex is just not cool with me right now, I just want to have fun with you for now makes for great boundary strengthening. I dont feel like having sex with you or anyone right now, maybe I’ll feel differently in about 3 -6 months, I just want to have fun! is that a good way to smoke ’em out? hahaha



  133.  #133Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:41 am

    then I’ll say what do you think? ha, I’m in a bad mood, or maybe not in a bad mood just in a mood. I’m going to say that with every date I have from now on. I dont care if it comes up or not, Im just going to say it just like that. Hey, Bob/john/harry/Dick/Tom I really dont feel like having sex with you or anyone so early, um I just want to relax and have fun, what do you think? I have said that before, I keep forgetting though lol then I get all confused, I just want to get that out of the way. I’ll tell hunting guy, he’s going to call me later , he said he is driving by my town so will call me, we might do coffee or something. If he makes plans for hunting at a later date, then I’ll tell him how I feel about it and no I dont feel like cuddling

    I feel I have this thing round sex and safety. not just for the obvious reasons, just I dont know…my emotional safety as well, mental?



  134.  #134Mercedes on October 26, 2009 at 9:41 am

    WOW! I missed a lot this weekend! Reading to catch up now, posting later…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  135.  #135Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:44 am

    I LOVE MY VAJAYJAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  136.  #136Simply Shannon on October 26, 2009 at 9:56 am

    Laughing Goddess: I feel turned on too! 🙂 A Monday morning just working away and bammm… turned on. hehe!

    Tina: I feel bummed you aren’t going on your hunting date! Actually I felt jealous you were going to begin with because I want to go. I bought all this dang camo gear before A and I broke up and I haven’t gotten to wear it. Well… I’m working on that with my new guy but I wanted to live vicariously through your hunting date. 🙂 I hope you and I both get to play hunter/gatherer one day. I also hope you enjoyed that carrot cake (MMMM Good!!!) and that your PMS eases up.



  137.  #137Simply Shannon on October 26, 2009 at 10:07 am

    Question for my Sirens (as I climb in the bouncy house with ya’ll)…

    ***bounce***

    I’m seeing this guy right now who is full on chasing me. I feel exhilarated. The pursuit feels amazing.

    ***bounce***

    I feel worried that this is my normal pattern. Nearly every man I meet chases me this way and then it goes south around month three.

    ***bounce***

    How do I hold a man off from getting so serious while still being open to him?

    ***bounce***

    I’m still circular dating. I’ve got a few guys in my rotation. I feel scared, like I might mess this one up too. He’s asking me out and when I don’t have plans, I’m seeing him. Ahhh… I feel jittery.

    ***bounce***

    I like this boy. I want a man I can keep forever. I don’t want a quickie which seems to be my pattern.

    ***bounce***

    I love my nervous feelings. I love that giddy “he wants me” feeling. I feel turned on. I want this, so why do I feel afraid. Can I just be open and let this happen? Have to stay centered. Have to stay with ME and not other there with him. Let him pursue me and just be me.

    ***bounce***

    I really like this bouncy house thing.

    ***bounce***

    AG: You rock!

    ***bounce***

    I will not lose myself. I honor my scared feelings. I feel okay to be scared. It feels good to acknowledge that I feel unsure of what I want. I want this feeling with any man who is willing to give it to me. I will be okay regardless.

    ***bounce***

    Caution: Men shooting arrows at Goddess feels weird at first. Feels intimidating.

    ***bounce***

    I feel powerful holding him off right now. I don’t want to feel rushed. I don’t want to feel pressured. I want this feeling forever. I want him to look at me with love and lust in his eyes until we’re old and then I still want it. Is that wrong? Am I asking too much? No. No I’m not asking too much.

    ***bounce***

    I just read an email on Christian Nymphos about a couple in their fifties who have sex twice a day. TWICE a day!!! Lord, please let me have a man who wants sex twice a day. Amen!

    ***bounce***

    This man I’m seeing is the consummate masculine man. Big tall man who also happens to have primary custody of three kids (good dad), has a good job and ambition to do more, is definitely a leader but has been cherishing my feelings in the sweetest ways.

    ***bounce***

    Is this really happening? I feel amazed, stunned.

    ***bounce***

    Shit, I feel afraid.

    ***bounce***

    NO, NO, NO. I am the Goddess here. He wants ME. Why don’t I just believe that I’m that fabulous? Just don’t lean forward. Stay on my damn horse. If he keeps coming, then maybe it will be him. Give him time to show me what he’s about. Trust myself to know what I want.

    ***bounce***

    I trust myself. I’ll go play in someone else’s bouncy house if I’m not getting what I want. That feels fun. I’ll just bounce from house to house, visiting men, playing and bouncing, having fun.

    ***bounce*** ***bounce*** ***bounce***

    I love my bouncy house! Come over Sirens!!



  138.  #138laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 10:16 am

    Simply Shannon: I bet you look super cute in your camo gear!



  139.  #139laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Simply Shannon: I feel confident that you are on the right track with this new manly man. I feel understanding that it feels good to be pursued yet also scary. I feel uncomfortable being pursued. I feel more comfortable when I am the pursuer. I feel more in control that way…but no longer. We are goddesses. We are strong on the inside, soft on the outside. I feel excited for you. I feel hopeful. I feel excited for me. I love my vajayjay.



  140.  #140laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 10:33 am

    Tina: I love your vajayjay too!

    Haha! I feel weird saying that. Haha I feel trusting that you know I mean it in a loving goddessy sort of way. Ha ha ha I like saying that.

    Tina. I love your vajayjay too.

    All day today I am going to practice breathing and speaking from my vajayjay. I wonder if it has a different voice. I feel curious if it’s voice sounds solid yet soft, warm and inviting, comfortable, pink, yummy. I feel curious. What does my vajayjay sound like?



  141.  #141laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 10:35 am

    My vajayjay feels ready to socialize!



  142.  #142Simply Shannon on October 26, 2009 at 10:47 am

    Laughing Goddess: LMFAO!!! My “vajayjay” feels ready to socialize too! Manly man is coming over tonight. Hopefully I can practice speaking through my vagina without actually having her come out to play. 🙂 I feel a little nervous about feeling so turned around him. I would love to make out with him, but I don’t feel ready for sex yet. No… I want sex in a committed relationship.



  143.  #143laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 10:49 am

    I feel so ready to be intimate with a man. It’s been a year since I had any significant sexual intimacy…about a year and a half since I had actual sex. OMG. I feel so ready yet also scared. I feel unsure of how to open that part of myself up again. The reason I didn’t have sex for so long is because I felt like I needed space away from it. I felt out of control when I had sex with a man…like all of my senses went out the window and I got bonded even if I didn’t feel like the man was good for me. But… I live physical intimacy yet I feel unsure of how to open back up. I want to be touched. I want to feel a strong, hard, warm body next to me. I feel certain it would be easy for me to get that but I also want to feel attracted. I don’t feel sexually attracted to that many men. I feel scared to do that with J. I feel very very sexually attracted to him but I feel scared that it would be too fast. I feel afraid that it would put pressure on our newly evolving relationship. I know he likes to moves slow when it comes to sex. I don’t feel like rushing things with him. I wonder if I can just channel this energy…if I can use this turned on feeling to my advantage instead of it feeling achy and painful. I wonder if I can make love to everything. If I can channel this sexual feeling into my day to day activities. I feel hopeful. I am a sexy laughing playful fun goddess…you can call me laughing goddess for short. 🙂



  144.  #144laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 10:58 am

    Simply Shannon: I feel excited to hear about your date tonight!!! I feel excited to hear how it goes when you speak through your vagina. I feel curious about what manly man’s reaction will be. Do tell!

    I feel challenged to just make out without having sex. Once I get started I feel ready to DO IT!!!! To go all the way



  145.  #145laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 11:02 am

    Okay, I am going to go make love to my laundry. And then to my vacuum. And then to my garden. Just made love with my beautiful doggy. (just a figure of speech. Nothing that kinky going on over here 😉

    I love you goddesses!



  146.  #146Simply Shannon on October 26, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Laughing Goddess: I was nodding my head when you wrote “I feel challenged to just make out without having sex. Once I get started I feel ready to DO IT!!!! To go all the way”.

    Yes, I feel exactly the same! Being married for 6 1/2 years and then separated for a year, I forgot how to just make out without having sex. It’s weird! I do feel limited in this regard. I don’t know how to NOT have sex but I know I don’t want it without being committed. (I also get sucked right in once I’m having sex with someone. My body wants it even if my heart isn’t all that sure.)

    I want a man to touch me and give me orgasms without expecting me to give him one. 🙂



  147.  #147Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    I feel crappy I just woke up.

    I feel afraid and hot on my lips and tight in my tummy.

    I feel irritated! angry. I feel lost “all over the place”

    I feel overwhelemdd



  148.  #148Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    I feel like im gonna throw up! uhoh!

    i feel it pretty strongly… what am i gonna throw up i just woke up!!



  149.  #149Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    I’m feeling hopeless… like a penny witha hole in it penny with a hole in it

    im feeling no less no less no lesss than up to my head in it

    ladadadah dadah dadah la da da dah dadadadah
    oooh oooh ooo oohhh



  150.  #150Daria on October 26, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    Ate an orange drank some water talked to mom feeling better

    but still feeling like im gonna throw up a lil

    acupuncture did liver cleanse on me yesterday

    maybe thats y>?



  151.  #151alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    mm yes tracy, that feels really good to read. that the good feeling comes from inside and then radiates out and also attracts ‘like’ energy.

    flipper. i feel the embrace too. i feel safe. i mean not completely. i keep testing the waters. but baby step by baby step i am beginning to feel Really Safe. and that feels kind of huge. aw. i feel teary eyes.

    tina i feel a lot of fear and doubt come up sometimes too around relationships but i just tell myself i am not jumping from here to there. i can co-create a relationship with a good man and together we can find feels good for both of us. i used to have all these cliche ideas about some cookie cutter idea of a relationship that has nothing to do with my halfway-to-asperger’s-personality. it is MY happy ever after. i get to decide.

    jennifer can you say i don’t feel good paying for my plane ticket? at least it will open up a conversation even if you don’t end up having things go the way you want. (or maybe he Will offer to pay?)

    simply shannon *bounce* i also feel confident you are being terrific with the new man! i feel good to read your experiences.

    laughing goddess i feel so intriguied you are a INFP also. i feel the sirens on siren island are many healers here.
    oh and i loved this:
    “I feel vajayjayaliscious! I feel strong, soft, juicy, warm, and a little out of control.” i feel yum just even considering feeling that way! YAE!!!!!

    daria – reality smeality. I am wealthy, prosperous, glowing, competent, capable, excited and lined up with activities that please me immensely and tons of money comes to me oh so easily. money comes to me SO easily it is laughable and hilarious and quite a fun and amusing adventure!!! i feel gratfeul. thank you.

    THANK YOU!!!!!!!



  152.  #152Tina on October 26, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    I love your vajayjay to Laughing goddess! Speak from your vajayjay! haha I KNOW HE WANTS ME, MY VAGJAYJAY SAYS, ALL MEN WANT ME HAHA. My hunting date said something once he said “remember when we did it in the water” I was thinking we didnt do it in the water silly, we made out in the water thats it! lol. he thinks we did it lol. I’m using that word did it haha. yeah we didnt do it, he felt like we did it haha. wow! We swam around me on his back, we kissed thats it. I rubbed some oil on him only because he asked. I touched his penis haha, if we “did it” I know I would have felt it lol dang! hell ya! anyway. and it was over his swimming trunks lol. silly guy.



  153.  #153Nikita on October 26, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    I feel confused. I don’t think I’ve ever had a lovemaking session like this….I feel very confused…it feels almost dangerous….my shell is broken 🙁



  154.  #154Nikita on October 26, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    It felt too good…way too good



  155.  #155Tina on October 26, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Thanks Alias girl, what do you mean by cookie cutter? meaning if I dont feel safe then I dont go. ok maybe it’s something I need to work on. Maybe because I’m always looking for a way out if I dont feel safe. I want to run , run run. I dont know if its tabs im keeping or red flags im sensing? How do i know the difference?



  156.  #156laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    “He wants me, he wants me, he wants me”

    ~that’s my vagina talking 🙂



  157.  #157Tina on October 26, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Simply Shannon

    bounce bounce bounce hahaha

    Can you change your plans and go somewhere out of your house? Men are off limits in my house, I’m keeping to Rori’s suggestion about warm tap water and toast haha no jam for you. Find a nice place to drive, a make out session feels great, he’ll think he actually had sex haha.

    Tell him, I feel all warm and fuzzy when I am around you, I like the way it feels, I am not feeling ready for an intimate relationship right now, what do you think?

    Im so happy to hear S.S you have a warm and fuzzy!



  158.  #158Tina on October 26, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    He’s lonely , he wants me, he wants me, he’s lonely , he’s lonely, bounce * bounce* bounce*

    Bounce*

    Bounce*

    Bounce*

    Circular date circular date, I’m circular dating my vajayjay 🙂



  159.  #159Linda on October 26, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    I feel…. I feel divided. My brain tells me to hang in there that things will be ok. My feelings are not believing this. They are screaming… DO SOMETHING! I am not content. I cant find that level ground. I am simply unhappy. I try to do stuff , follow happy good thoughts, keep my self busy, blog, go to work, keep my house clean, yard cut. leaves raked…. laundry done… but inside I am simply unhappy. I am tired of being patient, tired of trying to figure out what is wrong with me, tired of being logical, tired of being alone. No matter what I do… it is there like a huge gapping sore. I am sick of being alone, coming home and being alone, working alone, cooking alone,… I need real honest, companionship of a man. I miss physical touch. My girls hug me… but you know what physical touch I mean.

    I know what my needs are… my wants too. I want this season in my life to end.

    I am sick of men analyzing me, I am tired of empty words. I am SICK of being ignored and my email not being answered. I am upset that I still care that it isnt. I am sick of feeling off balance. I am tired if not being okay to be me… or feeling like I need to re-invent myself so that I will be successful and have a relationship I want. Why do I give a rip still about the last guy who is so issue ladden and messed up The one who writed.. he gets a dart in his heart everytime he sees my picture and does nothing about it…. I am sick of the mind games…. Why cant I control my heart and my feelings. I have tried really tried.

    Linda



  160.  #160laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    I’m working with J today. We’ve been working together a lot lately. For the last few days I had been looking really grungy because we have been working outside in the garden. Today I came over all clean and showered and pretty. He said “wow, you clean up nice”. That felt so good! It’s not “omg, you look so beautiful I must make love to you now and claim you as my wife” but I still felt good. I feel appreciated and acknowledged. I feel admired. I feel attractive.

    So, I was working on something and he was going to go do something else but he just kept hanging around where I was, like he wanted to say something. I just focused on breathing into my vagina and repeating ” he wants me”. It felt good.

    I feel excited that the energy is shifting between us but that it is happening slowly. It feels solid and steady. I feel anticipation building. I feel great! I feel attractive.



  161.  #161Paula on October 26, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    I feel sorry that you feel bad Linda.

    I understand. I feel tired too.

    Take care



  162.  #162Simply Shannon on October 26, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Linda: I’ve felt that way so often lately. The frogs I was meeting really had me down. But just recently good ones have been popping up often enough to keep me feeling buoyant. I say “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming” like in that Nemo movie. I hope that doesn’t sound flippant. I feel empathy. Another trick I do is to remind myself I could either have some hope of finding a man I truly love and feel good with OR I could still be stuck in an imaginary relationship feeling miserable all the time. Circular dating has really helped here. I just keep going even when the frogs feel so overwhelming. (((HUGs)))

    Tina: Unfortunately my kids limit my ability to go out. His kids are going with their mom tonight so it’s easier for him to come over. I know we won’t have sex, even though I know it would feel really, really good. And I will feel better next time to only offer nights when we can go out. I’ll only allow him here again if/when I plan to cook for him or “give back”.

    ***bounce***

    * * * BIG BOUNCE * * *

    I feel excited to practice speaking through my vagina and saying the mantra “he wants me”. This is going to be interesting tonight.

    Shannon



  163.  #163Jennifer on October 26, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    Hi Alias Girl….
    I feel ok with saying I don’t feel good about paying for the plane ticket. I just feel annoyed that I have to say that. He KNOWS how much more money than me he makes.
    Now I feel guilty. He is most likely going to foot the bill for two nights in various hotels….he likes the delta chain. And most of the food. Is it fair to ask him to pay for the plane ticket?
    Do I have to care about fair? I just wanna feel princessy and well taken care of and pampered. I feel anxious and confused.
    My head hurts too…Bath time!



  164.  #164Flipper on October 26, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    Linda –

    “… Why cant I control my heart and my feelings”? They must be like mine and my physical heartbeat, involuntary. Nobody, not even me, can control them as long as I’m living.

    ….”I am sick of the mind games”…. It’s my mind that plays all the sense-less stuff on me; I feel – just beyond the tip of my grasp, but getting closer – that my mind will stop playing tricks on me when I’ll let my best/worst feelings truly inflect the sense I give to things.

    “My brain tells me to hang in there that things will be ok. My feelings are not believing this. They are screaming… DO SOMETHING!” Your feelings are undoubtedly right. “Will be”, schmil-be, that’s not NOW. And somehow, “keep my self busy, blog, go to work, keep my house clean, yard cut. leaves raked…. laundry done…” doesn’t quite sound like what they must have meant. Then again, it must not be ‘relationship’, either, cuz that’s ‘being’ not ‘doing’. What about doing something enjoyable regularly? Soon there’ll be no more leaves to rake, and even if there are, nature can take of them. Sounds like there are more important things to do, for you, just You. xxoo



  165.  #165Flipper on October 26, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    But Nikita, You DESERVE the absolute, very BEST – how can it feel too good?



  166.  #166Flipper on October 26, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    **bounce** **bounce** I love the bouncy castle, too.

    I read that most men actually get MORE satisfaction from kissing than women do !!! Just one more thing we’ve been feeling idiotically bad about – giving **only** a kiss and no more. When I feel how much of myself it takes just to accept a kiss much less desire one, no wonder they feel it’s a big deal getting one from us. taptap Even tho’ I pretended to be clueless about this, I utterly and totally accept the power and riches of my kisses. taptap

    **bounce** **kiss** **bounce** **kiss** **do the vajayjay jive**



  167.  #167Nikita on October 26, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    Oooh a vajayjay party….I feel so behind 🙂



  168.  #168Flipper on October 26, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    Jennifer – ‘All’s fair in love ….’, remember?

    “I feel so excited about the trip to see you. It felt so good about the offer to help with the plane ticket. I’d feel so appreciative of your taking care of that.”

    What do you think?



  169.  #169Nikita on October 26, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    Mmmm flipper! True!!!
    All that siren work paid off 🙂



  170.  #170Heather on October 26, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    i’ve been expanding my facebook profile and friends. an exercise in flirting for me.

    so, today i received a message from a man who said “Hello out there!” … he sent me a message of he and his buddy collecting boats on the Bay, much the same way people collect names on facebook; much the same way we are circular dating. He said he didn’t want to get “lost in the shuffle” as he noticed I had many friends on my profile…

    “lost in the shuffle” … well, i feel like writing back. not yet, maybe tomorrow. i feel like collecting more names, like staying off the computer for the rest of the evening! The whole thing touched a core to me for some reason … i have often felt “lost in the shuffle” in my relationship; a feeling that makes me angry! I will reply to this guy — it got me riled.

    Wishing everyone a great evening!
    Love,
    Heather



  171.  #171Flipper on October 26, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    Can we even know what ‘fair’ is if we can’t or don’t know how to receive? Fair is like balance, and I know I have to practice A LOT OF RECEIVING before my scales will start to tip towards balance.

    And men need to practice their giving, so let him have his chance. (John Gray says they don’t bother to do fine calculations – as long as someone is giving them something, they assume it’s because it’s Owed to them. Of course, we Know better, so why keep up this silly illusion?)

    Woe is me! I made an overfunctioning, ‘caring’ remark to a man tonight. I realized it even as he turned away, obviously not feeling especially good about my expression of concern for him. Oh well, at least I didn’t chase him down to dump more solicitousness on him. (And I concocted a better feeling message way (for next time) within minutes rather than the next day.



  172.  #172alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    yae flipper! 🙂 yae for flipper! yaeness in the flipper department!



  173.  #173laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    Flipper: I love love love what you said about men getting more enjoyment out of kissing than we do! I feel truth in that statement and it feels good to remember.

    Alias girl: I haven’t bounced in the castle yet. I want to come! I want to laugh and bounce, laugh and bounce, and chat with all the lovely sirens. Don’t really want to bash things. I was just kidding about that. Would much rather laugh and bouncy bounce instead.

    *bounce* bouncy bounce bounce*

    Weeeeeeeee that’s fun



  174.  #174laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    I feel curious about Simply Shannon’s date went. I’m wondering if her mantra worked.

    Linda: I feel empathy and understanding for how you feel. I feel hopeful that you will feel better soon. I am remembering something that has worked for me when I have felt that way and I feel inspired to share. When I feel really down and lonely and wishing for a lover, I remind myself that he is out there and he wants to find me just as much as I want to find him. I open myself to connecting with him energetically in that moment even though I may have not even met him yet. It feels good to know that he is out there wishing for me just as much as I am wishing for him.



  175.  #175laughing goddess on October 26, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    I feel curious about something. I feel hopeful that Rori and you lovely goddesses will help me get clear on this.

    I feel concerned because I don’t think I ever want to get married. I feel satisfied with the thought of being in a committed monogomous relationship with a man, living with him and creating a home together. I feel wondering if maybe I am fooling myself and I really do want to get married but I feel pretty sure that I don’t. I feel thrilled by the idea of living with a man. I feel terrified about the idea of being committed for life. I want to live in the moment and feel free. I feel worried that I am weird for wanting this. I feel confused about how Rori’s teachings apply to this. I feel hopeful for feedback. I feel hopeful to find clarity and feel at peace with my decision. I want to be basically married but without the legalities of it and the lifelong committment. I feel trusting that I now have to tools and awareness to keep a man attracted to me for as long as I like. I don’t want to feel bound. I want to always keep my options open.

    Just as a sidenote, I feel inspired to share that my Venus is in Gemini and this attitude is normal for that placement.

    I feel weird saying this but I’m really not so sure that I want to be with one man for the rest of my life…but I am super excited to create a home together and possibly have kids.



  176.  #176Kaitlyn on October 27, 2009 at 1:53 am

    ENTJ here. Woot woot!



  177.  #177Mercedes on October 27, 2009 at 7:14 am

    laughing goddess: A lot of what you described is how I feel. I’m not afraid of the commitment and spending the rest of my life with the same man, but I do not want to get married. I want a partner for life…someone I can share everything with, grow old with, build a home with and love, cherish and hold forever. But I do not want or need the legalities at all. All I want and need is already in my relationship the way it is right now…there are no other steps, just a continued growth and a deeper and deeper intimacy as time goes on. We get a lot of pressure from others telling us we should marry. We are both on the same page about that…it will probably never happen.

    I don’t know what I meant to say except that in a lot of what you are feeling, I am with you and none of it seems weird to me.

    Kaitlyn: ENTJ here too…and having soooo much fun with it! 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  178.  #178Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 7:35 am

    Laughing Goddess: I cancelled my date with Mr. Manly Man last night. I was feeling tired and didn’t want to be rushing him out the door because I wanted to go to sleep. I could tell he was disappointed but then he made some flip comment about me cancelling on him all the time. (I’ve cancelled twice – once TWO MONTH ago when we had just met and now last night). I really felt angry and didn’t appreciate being made the butt of his joke. So I told him. You can read what I said on the newer blog post. I feel so proud of myself for speaking up to him!!

    ***bounce*** ***bounce*** ***bounce***

    Thank you for thinking of me! Shannon



  179.  #179Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 7:39 am

    Forgot to say that while I don’t understand about the marriage issue (I feel glad that Mercedes could respond on this!), this is your life. You get to do whatever it is you want to do. Just because it doesn’t sound conventional doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Hell – circular dating doesn’t sound conventional, but guess what – it’s working! Right now I want to get married again. For me personally, I would feel like a girlfriend until I became a wife. That’s just my feelings on it now. Who knows… I may feel differently when the right man comes along. I feel open to whatever feels right at the time.

    Shannon



  180.  #180tinque on October 27, 2009 at 9:47 am

    “I feel confused about how Rori’s teachings apply to this.

    laughing goddess – Rori’s teaching do not discount/disregard committed relationships without the legalities. She embraces this as much as a marriage. It’s what the relationship means to the two in partnership. I as Miss M have long term, forever unions without the papers. We are married without being legally married. We have a beautiful, monogamous, loyal, faithful bonds with our men. No piece of paper is needed, nor would it change what we have if we change our minds. It’s a clear understanding between us.This is right in line with Rori’s teachings. In my case I have the ring.
    Here’s the article/post. (took awhile to find)
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/she-got-the-ring/
    Hope this helps.



  181.  #181laughing goddess on October 27, 2009 at 10:15 am

    Thanks for your help with this mercedes, shannon, and tinque. I feel hopeful hearing that some of you already have what I am wanting. I feel hopeful. I also feel excited to read rori’s post regarding this issue. Thanks so much for the link tinque!

    *big bounce*



  182.  #182Mercedes on October 27, 2009 at 10:20 am

    Ummm…laughing goddess…you might want to read the comments with a grain of salt…lol

    I was really angry at Rori for the post itself and I didn’t know anything about Tinque and her relationship when I went crazy (I was making assumptions due to the post having no background information). Tinque and I are good friends now…but that was our beginning.

    Love you Tinque!!!!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  183.  #183tinque on October 27, 2009 at 10:36 am

    Oh yes, I forgot. Miss M went ballistic. Scared me half to death LOL. And that’s how she and I met. Like she said we’re now the best of friends.
    You’ll understand I think as you read through it.
    🙂
    xxoo



  184.  #184Uschi on October 27, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Tracy,

    reading your post above it made me think and ask myself; WHAT IS IDEAL? Do we ever get ideal? Isn’t there always something that is missing from ideal/perfect? Are you ideal/perfect for someone else? Every person has positive and negative! Are we willing to accept a man if he gives us most of what we are looking for to start with and then use Rori’s tools to have him step up to the plate and fill in the rest?
    When you said, while trying to visualize the ideal man your X kept popping up. Could that mean that he was “ideal” and things went wrong simply because you didn’t have the tools at the time and if you have had them things would have been different? I know for a fact that the tools would not have worked in my 2 previous marriages – I have gone back in my mind and imagined it, envisioned it, gone over it – it would have worked in one particular relationship that I had a few years back – unfortunately he is gone now.
    I have heard the saying – To find the ONE IN A MILLION GUY/GIRL – well personally I don’t have the time or the energy to date a million guys to find the “PERFECT/IDEAL” one, who might just live in Russia somewhere. So we are stuck by looking for the best there is near us and we work on us to be a Siren/Goddess and use the tools. It’s almost comparable to looking for the dream house, the ideal house – sometimes we actually find it – but it maybe in CA and we don’t live there and have no urge to move there because we are happy where we are. So we find a house that comes the closest to it and WE make it ideal by painting it the color we want, improving the bathroom or adding on that porch that we always wanted and from a “house” we turn it into a HOME. We work with what is available and is closest to what we want and then by using THE TOOLS improve upon it to give us what WE want and need. Men are like houses, we invest, we want to have a home with them, we want to be happy. IDEAL?, hardly ever, PERFECT, hardly ever, IMPROVABLE – oh yea if you have an almost perfect/ideal one to start with. All we women need are the right tools and those I am finally learning now.



  185.  #185Mercedes on October 27, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Uschi: I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. I believe with all my heart we can have the perfect, ideal man FOR US. We can have the perfect, ideal relationship FOR US. We do not ever have to settle for less and use tools to try to change it for the better.

    In the perfect, ideal relationship, with the perfect, ideal man, tough things will come up. That’s when the tools we use and the reactions we have will help those perfect relationships get through not so perfect times. But…yes…we can have perfection and there is no need to use any tool to try change a man who isn’t ideal into one that is.

    Just my thoughts on it…perfection is out there…I found it and I use tools to grow it, to nurture it, to get through the tough times.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  186.  #186laughing goddess on October 27, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    Ha ha mercedes and tinque. Thanks for the warning.

    I feel warm and fuzzy hearing that you are best of friends now.



  187.  #187Jennifer on October 27, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    flipper…
    I feel really good about that. that works.
    I feel annoyed about my inability to come up with it on my own….but I feel appreciative of all the advice from the sexy, juicy sirens!
    I spoke to B on Monday…I asked what was up with several short, curt emails I received over the weekend. I had offered to forward some of the pics he sent me to his fav aunt who is very interested in his progress.
    He replied…I don’t need you to do that. I can do that …you go over and above with everything and it’s not necessary.
    WOW!
    Straight from the horse’s mouth girls!
    I always figured (up until I found Rori) that I should give as much as I wanted to get. Better even.
    That’s how I was raised.
    Through my EFt work I’ve worked through a lot of underlying issues pertaining to this theme.
    The idea that I have to give a certain amount of love, attention, money etc to even deserve a sliver of the pie. That my role in life is that of support staff. That it’s not ok to find a way to fill myself up with love and attention…but cheesecake is ok.
    The list goes on.
    I’m wondering…do any of the other sirens have similar issues to these and how they have gotten past them to be comfortable enough to stop the over functioning.
    I mean, certainly I will continue the tapping as A) it’s working and B) I’ve gotten it from the horse’s mouth that going above and beyond is not what’s called for, but I,m wondering about other techniques / experiences.
    I’ve also been thinking a lot about what it must be like to be him…
    With a girlfriend who’s motto is “good, better best, never let it rest till your good is better and your better is the best” how can you be the hero of the story? There’s no room for prince charming if Snow White coughs up the apple, climbs out of the glass coffin, kicks the old witch’s butt, takes herself to detox, comes back, organizes the dwarfs and starts an apple screening business and lives happily ever after.



  188.  #188Daria on October 27, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Jennifer hehe… actually doing all that Snow White stuff sounds good… i felt very inspired reading it! i want to do that

    theres always room for prince charming to date and romance her businessy self hehe

    I used to overfunction with my friends and i Just Stopped.

    I just didn’t do Anything as much as I could realize I was doing something.



  189.  #189Kaitlyn on October 28, 2009 at 2:12 am

    Jennifer, your Snow White 2.0 is the type of woman that DOES attract Prince Charming.



  190.  #190Jennifer on October 28, 2009 at 4:24 am

    Kaitlyn….yeah she totally would attract prince charming…and I like Snow white 2.0 alot..she’s a take charge chick. But when does prince charming get to be the hero here?
    I’m thinking if we all have a small spot that wants to be the princess (I certainly do) don’t men have a small spot that wants to be the hero?
    I’m not saying that snow white shouldn’t get everything she wants. But I’m wondering that if she wants prince charming, shouldn’t she make a little room for him?
    I certainly have trouble with this.
    I have a :”me do it” kinda attitude.



  191.  #191Linda on October 28, 2009 at 4:25 am

    I feel inspired. The thought that there is a man out there that is just an hungry to find me as I am to be found…. remember American Tale and Fievel the little mouse…. We are gazing up at the same moon, under the same sky and just aren’t yet.

    Thanks Laughing Goddess. Thank you ladies for your support and encouragements.

    Linda



  192.  #192Linda on October 28, 2009 at 4:26 am

    Do frogs know that they are frogs? LOL… should we enlighten them?

    lol Linda



  193.  #193Flipper on October 28, 2009 at 5:59 am

    Jennifer, you’re “wondering…do any of the other sirens have similar issues to these and how they have gotten past them to be comfortable enough to stop the over functioning.” I definitely suffer and struggle with this. The automatic ‘nice-girl’ stuff still keeps coming out, but I’m realizing quicker and quicker. Sometimes I can just stop in mid-sentence. And like Daria, I’m also practicing with my friends, family and anyone else I now allow myself not to accommodate when it doesn’t positively suit me.

    Sometimes I worry it’s overfunctioning or too boy-energy if I offer words someone else here could use in their situation, as I did for you. I too have a difficult time finding the right feeling message in my own situations, especially on the spot, so I do this primarily as training for myself. Hoping these models will imprint in me so they come out more easily when I need to practice. All the better if they serve for another Siren, either directly or as a template, or trigger or nothing at all.



  194.  #194Nikita on October 28, 2009 at 8:49 am

    Ugh!

    Ms M,

    Simply Shannon

    I so want to get married….again…which is a huge shift from how I felt in August…when Mercedes was asking me; what do you want!?

    I want to be blissfully married to someone absolutly wonderful!



  195.  #195Jennifer on October 28, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Hey guys, its Jennifer! I wrote that email to Rori back in July, and I wanted to provide you all with an update…
    Well the short of it is this…..he turned out to be totally toxic, non-committal and completely immature, and thanks to Rori and all of you, I smoked him out and DODGED a real BULLET!! Basically, after we slept together that first time, he completely DISAPPEARED on me and left my life! No plan of action from him to see me, no real explanations….I think it was just his version of the big fade…but what is confusing about it is that they still initiate SOME contact, and seem genuine, like texting or calling to see how we are, etc. And they KNOW we like them and will make excuses for them, and when they themselves dont initiate anything really meaningful to forward the relationship like he ended up doing, and we take little crumbs and run with them and initiate and encourage contact, dates, etc, then they are content to connect or half ass things, just to get attention, sex, etc, but NOT to give us what we ultimately want and desire in terms of a loving, secure, relationship leading to commitment.
    I encourage any of you great ladies going through the challenge of Circular Dating to read about what exactly he did to recognize if you have one of these toxic “man-boys” in your life right now….

    I continued to practice all my tools, relax, lean back, let the MAN come into my life and pursue….I kept reminding myself that I deserved to be pursued….so the man I mentioned in my letter continued this toxic and confusing behavior for about a month after I wrote this letter….for example, not making any real plans to see me, but texts and voicemails..saying things like “Hey how are you?” “So, what are you up to on this Friday? Hot date?” Etc…etc,. like he was just feeling me out to see if I was around, but not really doing anything about me…..He even found out where I was out with a group of girlfriends one Friday (it was one of the times I broke down and responded to one of his “what are you up to tonight texts, and I said I was great and going out to such and such, etc….usually I just ignored those texts cause they were so RANDOM, NON-COMMITTAL and ANNOYING) and SHOWED UP, acting all strange, saying, that he just showed up to say hello, and all that.
    I stayed to have one drink with him and to meet up with my girlfriends later, and he was still weird, saying he just HAD to see me, etc, (I hadnt seen him in a month, but I was still dating) he tried to hold me and kiss me, which was jarring since we hadnt really seen each other or had plans since that night back in early July that we had slept together..
    so what I did was completely CALL HIM OUT ON HIS CRAP….however, I did it in the ways that Rori taught us….I made it all about ME and about what I WAS feeling…no blame…..
    I told him…..”you know…I really like you. I enjoy spending time with you and getting to know you. You really excite me and I really feel some great chemistry with you. I know you feel uncertain about us, and that’s ok, I feel that way too….I’m willing to see where this may go, or not. Sometimes when I am around you I feel great..other times I feel very weird and disconnected….And lately, I have been feeling VERY disconnected and out of sorts with what I am feeling. Its hard to go from being so intimate with you to then feeling alone and lonely and a little abandoned. I don’t want to feel this way…..what do you think?”

    And you know what? He stuttered, stammered, and had absolutely NOTHING to say…all I remember him muttering is something about “Not being ready to be in a a relationship” then in the same breath telling me that “HE thinks about me all the time, and can’t stand thinking about me out there dating others”

    Well guess what? MAN up or Get out!
    And he did…I said good night to him that night after giving him that speech, and I didnt respond to this comment about him thinking about me dating other men because I KNOW from listening to enough Rori that that is CRAP and USELESS False sentiment designed to KEEP ME HANGING!! IF he really cared about me and wanted me he would have stepped up, manned up, and REALLY wooed me and tried to date me and DO THE JOB!
    THANK you soo much RORI! Your tools have been my guidelines to opening up my own mind and thought processes..I know that his behavior was just about me giving him permission to act like a non committal jerk who got to have sex with me and “hang” with me, but that was only were it was going to go……

    so I said goodnight and after that TRUTH speech. I NEVER HEARD from him AGAIN. And I am so grateful and blessed that he disappeared from my life. Now I have the courage and energy to focus on my needs and what I WANT and to make room for a man who wants to give me everything I want and deserve1

    I am still circular dating and NOW have met a man who I have had 4 dates with in the last month, and the chemistry is amazing and he seems thoughtful and very kind and he 1000 percent pursued me from the very beginning…
    I was walking out of Whole Foods, in a great mood one day and he approached me and I swear to GOD this is what he said….”I couldn’t help but notice you in the store…I am embarrassed to tell you, but I followed you around a little, and I think you are amazingly beautiful. You are very graceful and seem like a happy person. I didnt want to take the chance of never seeing you again..so would you like to go out with me?”

    That was mid September, and we have been on dates since then. He works alot, as he is an investment banker but he seems to be trying to fit me into his busy schedule as much as he can, which I guess is a good sign. And even though I like him a LOT, I am still committed to CIRCULAR Dating and have not stopped at all….I am just committed to relaxing, 3 men in my rotation, and focusing on my needs and getting them met. No matter WHAT happens with this latest man.

    And guess what? I was really happy walking around the Whole Foods that day, because I had such a glow from a few weeks earlier when I had delivered my feeling speech to that creep and spoke my truth…I had never felt so powerful in my life. I WAS glowing, and it showed in my face, my body, and attitude. And that’s what attracted that handsome stranger to me in a Whole foods!
    I’ll keep you all posted…I have 2 more dates this week with 2 new men, and am seeing the Whole Foods guy again next week for Date number 6……
    love and kisses!
    Jennifer 🙂



  196.  #196sandra dattoli on October 28, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Paula,

    I can tell you that on the dating site, it seems to work differently. I would like Rori’s opinion, but here is my take on dating sites.
    It is OK to contact a man online first–I am of the opinion
    this is the ONLY time that is OK, because for some reason, online guys are reluctant to contact people. I could be wrong, but I don’t think so.
    After the initial contact by you, though, I never make the first move after that. I let them contact me from then on. Just the initial contact is OK with me. Try this and see what happens. I have met some really great men online and lots that I have contacted first. It didn’t seem to make a difference at all. Remember, just the initial contact. After that, follow Rori’s advice and don’t call or write unless they have contacted you. Good luck!



  197.  #197Rori Raye on October 28, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    Sandra, Welcome, and thank you for this great comment. I started to write my “take” on our suggestion, and it was so long, I’m turning it into a post – a “jump off” of your comment, so look for it soon…Love, Rori



  198.  #198Rori Raye on October 28, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    Jennifer – Thank you so much for your story! Love, Rori



  199.  #199Orna Walters on October 28, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    Jennifer,

    I used to be attracted only to men who are unavailable – either literally (married) or figuratively (emotionally checked out). Bottom line is that if a man is interested in YOU he will make the time to see you.

    In the dating phase you are discovering who someone really is. You can sit and analyze every move this guy makes, or you can simply decide how you want to feel and surround yourself with people who make you feel good about you (friends, men, etc.).

    From my own personal experience, once you have sex, you really get to see who the man is. Whether it was simply a pursuit or if he is genuinely interested. The REASON behind his behavior is not for you to dissect because its not personal – its not about you – its about him and who he is in the world.



  200.  #200alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    thank you so much jennifer for sharing the continuation of your journey. i felt very intriguied and excited about your feelings of empowerment from sharing your truth. and also very happy about your success with circular dating. 🙂

    i feel amused that circular dating “smoked him out” just like rori said it would. heehee.

    for me, i honestly can not keep track of the men any more and i feel fine about it. again, today, i was erasing messages from my voicemail and i have no clue who some of those voices of men were. it would take me almost a minute to figure it out.



  201.  #201gina on October 28, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    I’ve been practicing receiving like Rori said, and for the time being, things have become a lot less complicated. I have a date tomorrow with a guy I met online. Johnny is still preoccupied with his troubles (officially on unemployment, grandpa back in the hospital) – but since I communicated that I felt abandoned by him when he ceased all contact, now he sends me daily updates about his grandpa. Updates does not a relationship make, but I do feel heard and connected, and carefree since I continue to date.



  202.  #202gina on October 28, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    Jennifer, thanks for the follow up. you go girl!



  203.  #203Daria on October 28, 2009 at 10:32 pm

    JENNIFER I LOVE YOUR POWERSPEECH!

    i love how you expressed both sides of how you were feeling… good sometimes and a little weird… sometimes i forget to do that

    I will now copy and paste your power speech here so i can reread it into my subconscious:

    hehe

    …..”you know…I really like you. I enjoy spending time with you and getting to know you. You really excite me and I really feel some great chemistry with you. I know you feel uncertain about us, and that’s ok, I feel that way too….I’m willing to see where this may go, or not. Sometimes when I am around you I feel great..other times I feel very weird and disconnected….And lately, I have been feeling VERY disconnected and out of sorts with what I am feeling. Its hard to go from being so intimate with you to then feeling alone and lonely and a little abandoned. I don’t want to feel this way…..what do you think?”



  204.  #204Paula on October 29, 2009 at 4:08 am

    Hi Sandra and Rori,

    Thanks. I look forward to reading a post on internet dating because I just don’t get it. Young guys, old guys, rude guys, guys that wink or say Hi, contact me and that’s it. I don’t feel like replying to that! I want a courageous man. Maybe normal rules of dating don’t apply on the internet because they can HIDE.

    And a lot are a long distance from me so how do I pursue something with them? I don’t want to waste my time. But I live in an isolated area so it’s a good way to practice circular dating cos I don’t meet too many men EXCEPT I get annoyed with it!

    Love



  205.  #205Linda on October 29, 2009 at 4:36 am

    Jennifer… thank you for your story. I have a man that has done very similar things…. should I say had a man doing that. Only thing is he did it so many times that it has actually become sadly predictable and comical in a really unamusing way.

    If I ever hear from my toxic guy… he will get my speech. I am not even going to prepare or think about it. I dont want to even to expend the mental energy on hit. I have invested way too much already.

    Your story particularly makes me feel better because I know that I am not singled out and being treated like this exclusively. Not that is wish that kind of treatment on anybody but I know better that I am not the only one encountering men like this.

    Concentrating on what I want, need and lining MY behavior up so that I can get it going in my life…. is where my energy lies now. The little jewels that I pick up here are all like ah ha moments.. that I tuck inside my heart and they now have replaced my self degrading unhealthy thought life.

    Like…. “If a man is not in front of you then he is not real.”
    That cuts out my imaginary life with him at the ankles. LOVE IT…

    I am looking to attract what I want into my life. My vibe is different that it was 2 weeks ago. I could even feel it when I was out with my mother for dinner last night. Flirting waiters… heads turning as I walked to the restroom… my mothers boss, checking me out as I waited for her. (It was so obvious) LOL

    Being in touch with me, how I feel and keeping my eyes on my goal… being authentic during the journey. Yep.. thanks again for sharing. Did my heart good.

    Linda



  206.  #206Uschi on October 29, 2009 at 7:29 am

    Mercedes,
    I appreciate your opinion, however reality has shown me many times over that nothing is ever perfect least of all human beings.



  207.  #207Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 7:48 am

    Uschi: When I think about someone being “perfect” that means perfect FOR ME… not perfect as in never doing anything wrong. I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect my man to be. Everybody messes up and does things that are hurtful. But if I look at the man in front of me and can still love him with all of his imperfections (and he loves mine), then he is “perfect” for me and I for him. Someone who loves me IN SPITE OF my own flaws would be perfection! Make sense?



  208.  #208Carla on October 29, 2009 at 8:22 am

    Hey there, Jennifer,

    You deserve a guy who can come out and say he wants to be the only one for you. That’s his job.

    Sometimes when you’re clearing out an old energy some gunk shows up in a dazzling new form just to test if you’ve really moved from the old headspace or not.

    This sounds to me as if this guy was counting on a bootycall. Go back having 3 men in your rotation. He will get the message and step up to the plate or you’ll attract someone who’ll
    fill the void. Let go of him with love.

    Peace,

    C-



  209.  #209Uschi on October 29, 2009 at 8:59 am

    Shannon,

    that’s exactly what I meant too. We all have our flaws, problems, baggage, issues no matter what. That is why I am still with my man after 8 years. He is not perfect and our relationship has hit a low a while back and when I started looking at Rori’s tools I had quite a few aha moments. Now I have sometimes good days with him sometimes not so good days, trying to put Rori’s tools to work I am still insecure on how to implement them to the fullest effect. Circular dating I have tried but whats out there in the way of men is kind of yuck. Also when I did go on a few dates while he was away doing his hobby thing it felt like cheating to me. I am not sure that when Rori was having problems in her marriage (as she is telling us) if she went on circular dating or if she was able to turn it around without it.
    As it is now he and I are having at times long talks about all kinds of things without me getting into our relationship issues, and I am trying to put plenty of feeling messages into it and he seems to be curious, almost like he is opening his mind more to me, is more receptive or more interested in what I have to say or feel. I wish I could talk about our relationship and what I want from it but I am not quite there yet with the tools or a speech or what I feel, I am still trying to sort that out. I have made some progress in him stepping up to the plate on some issues and I know he is the one for me just like Rori’s husband was the one for her, I just need to get much more comfortable with the tools.
    Also Jennifer posted this speech and I am thinking of making some small changes to fit my situation and using it – this is the original
    …..”you know…I really like you. I enjoy spending time with you and getting to know you. You really excite me and I really feel some great chemistry with you. I know you feel uncertain about us, and that’s ok, I feel that way too….I’m willing to see where this may go, or not. Sometimes when I am around you I feel great..other times I feel very weird and disconnected….And lately, I have been feeling VERY disconnected and out of sorts with what I am feeling. Its hard to go from being so intimate with you to then feeling alone and lonely and a little abandoned. I don’t want to feel this way…..what do you think?”
    and I am thinking of changing it to this
    …..”you know…I really love you. I enjoy being with you and talking till late into the night about all kinds of things. Its really excite me and I really still feel that great chemistry between us, even though we have both lost touch with it and it is buried under all kinds of stupid stuff. I know you feel uncertain about us right now, and that’s ok, sometimes I feel that way too….when I feel angry and abandoned and shut out. There are days when I am around you and I feel our connection feel so close and intimate like I am in your mind and you are in mine…..other days I feel very weird and disconnected….And lately, there have been times when I have been feeling VERY disconnected and frustrated about it all. Its hard to go from feeling so intimate and close with you to then feeling alone, lonely, unappreciated, disrespected and abandoned. I don’t want to feel this way not after all the time we have invested with each other,,,..what do you think?”

    I am not sure if I can remember this speech by heart and bring it out at the right time. I am actually thinking of writing it down and giving it to him to read and then see how he responds – and I am wondering if that is an option – the writing it down and giving it to him – I am afraid if I try to say it to him that I brake down and cry and not only that but also that the tools in that emotional state will go right out the window and I fall into old habits.

    You girls have any take on this?



  210.  #210Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 10:35 am

    Uschi: I love your speech!! I believe someone on here has written down their speech, printed it, then read it outloud to their man. If you read it (rather than giving it to him to read), then you are in control of the pace and can pause and allow him to respond in between. That way, he can stop you at any point and ask questions, etc. I guess for me, I would feel more in control if I read it as opposed to giving it to him to read. That feels like giving my power to him. I don’t know. How would that feel to you?



  211.  #211Uschi on October 29, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    Shannon,
    I kind of had to laugh when I read your comment about printing it and then reading it to him. Kind of like a cheat sheet of emotions. For some that may work very well and is a good idea – not sure about me though. And that brings me to what I was saying above, even if I read it to him I would get very emotional and probably brake down and cry and then I would have hard time to collect myself and still use the tools. Reading it to him also seems staged and not authentic to me and seems to be missing the “in the moment effect or feel” of it. I wish I could learn it by heart and I probably can but then saying it I am afraid of getting side tracked, too emotional and finding the right time of saying it to him is also an issue, which lately it seems there never comes an opportunity for something like this. Not sure how to create that opportunity because like most men when you approach them to talk they kind of go – oh geeeez what now and already turn off – and it also seems leaning forward. The way I see it right now is like getting this speech to him in stages and that is not good either.
    I am just hoping that at the right moment I am ready and prepared for it. Most of the time I am the kind of person who says 3 days after the fact – oh I should or could have said this – and then the moment is gone and irretrievable. This is something that needs to come from deep within and while writing it that’s where it came from, – will it also after rehearsing it – I am not sure – and maybe some other stuff gets thrown in with it too and it gets foggy. I am also not sure if just saying it at a quiet moment out of the clear blue is a good idea. And all this leaves me confused and frustrated, knowing what to say but struggling with finding the right time or moment to get it across to him.



  212.  #212Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    In my mind, Rori’s tools are all about being authentic whenever those feelings happen. If I’m speaking from my heart, then that’s all that matters. Being vulnerable might look like me saying “I have something to say to you but I feel worried I’ll flub the words, so I’m going to read this to you”. That might actually be endearing rather than forced. Just another way to look at it.

    I know I worry about the effect of what I say or when I say it or whatever, but that’s just me analyzing it (thinking) instead of just being with my feelings. I feel curious Uschi. What do you want for you, with or without him? I feel the focus right now is on him and what he’s doing and how you can make this all perfect for him and deliver this speech to him at the perfect moment under the perfect conditions. That feels exhausting to me. I feel empathy because I know I’ve been there more times than I can count, but it does feel so tiring to hold it all in waiting, waiting, waiting. And all the time we’re waiting, we’re boiling underneath the surface and the issue just grows and grows in our mind.

    Something here is triggering me, and I’m not sure why just yet. I think it’s the stuck feeling. Being stuck in Wait-ville. I don’t want to be stuck. I want to be free to say and do whatever feels right at the time. I don’t want to hold back until the timing is just right. And I want to believe that regardless of what happens, I’ll be okay… with or without any particular man, I will be okay.

    Shannon



  213.  #213tinque on October 29, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Uschi – I’m the queen of writing speeches and MEMORIZING them, If you read them, not only do your words lose their impact, they no longer come from your heart. You WILL lose his attention most likely and even more likely lose any feeling that might be evoked in him.
    Even if you forget bits of it or get flustered, it doesn’t matter. The import of your words and feelings will be conveyed. You will get out the important parts.
    That said your speech is too long and goes all over the place. You will lose him with all these words. I’ve tightened it up for you. The thing is what are you wanting from him? More time? Attention? A commitment? This speech your way or the abridged version doesn’t make it totally clear. I think I know what you are trying to say, so I geared the speech in that way. If I’m mistaken, let me know.
    xxoo

    “Is this a good time to talk? (If he says no pin him down to a day and time) When would be a better time?

    I feel really good spending time with you. And I feel such great chemistry with you.
    But sometimes I feel weird and disconnected, especially lately. Sometimes I feel so alone, lonely. This doesn’t feel good. I don’t want to feel this way.
    It SEEMS as though you feel uncertain about us. I feel that too sometimes, yet I love being with you. What do you think? Can you help me with this?”



  214.  #214Mary Ann on October 29, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    Uschi, I agree with Tinque…if you make it shorter you will be able to memorize it. If you start to adlib…just stop. Wait for him to speak, let him speak even if it takes a while, just sit quiet and listen, I know its hard but I notice every time I just sit quiet, they start to talk.

    We are here with you! Speak from your Siren heart!
    xo



  215.  #215Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Yeah Tinque! I like the shortened version of the speech! That feels a lot easier to manage rather than trying to remember everything else I might want to convey. I would definitely trip myself up trying to remember all of that if I was just voicing it outloud (hence my desire to read it). Which is intriguing to me as I write this post because I’m sure that’s exactly how a man hears it, like “what did you just say? I don’t follow. Words, words, words.”

    And that has jogged my memory about a speech I did with A. I actually just memorized the key feelings I wanted to convey. In Uschi’s speech, the words I would remember are “disconnected”, “lonely”, and “uncertain”.

    Good call sista! I like it!



  216.  #216Uschi on October 29, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    Shannon, it’s not about him – it’s about me and getting it across at the right time and getting it right – cause after all and after 8 years it is about us too though secondary but still – but disconnected, lonely and uncertain sure fits the bill

    tinque, I like short and to the point and Shannon really put it in an easier way to remember it 3 key words “disconnected”, “lonely”, and “uncertain” – maybe somehow if he talks the rest might not even be needed, cause he is sensitive enough to get it. Lately in conversations that have nothing to do with the relationship I put feeling messages in and he seems to be responding positively and he seems to be at ease with it.

    Mary Ann, I think you have really touched a point here cause sitting quiet after saying what I have to say is difficult I always feel as if I have to fill the quiet with explanation (not just with him but any conversation) – it will be difficult to be quiet and just let it sit there or him walking off after me saying it though he may not with me saying what do you think – but maybe I will also be surprised by him – like Rori said – be surprised.



  217.  #217alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    paula – circular dating (whether online or otherwise) is a tool that is used for Practicing feeling messages and other rori tools.

    in the beginning i practiced with practically every single email that landed in my inbox. not suggesting that for anyone else but that is what i did and it served me well.



  218.  #218Renee on October 29, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    So many of your articles and advices are awesome. For those of us that like to follow them best we can, how do we work tools if a man is reading another blog/advice site. Like how would one handle this situation: http://www.helium.com/items/1582957-how-to-tell-if-a-girl-doesnt-want-you Someone walks up and just kisses you to see if he’s wasting his time. Seems rather rude to be honest, but then some people might think it’s a good idea. How would all your tools work with this?



  219.  #219Robin on October 29, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    Uschi,

    Something that came to mind reading your last comment was that Rori mentions, I think in Heat Connection, maybe, is to put your hand over your mouth, literally…just simply to keep from speaking and leaping forward to fill that space. Its part of honoring the power of words, the Choose YOUR words section of her mantra…

    And of course, whats to say that YOU wouldnt be the one to walk away after your speech 🙂 if you begin to feel attacked in any way? Walking away is always an option….



  220.  #220Robin on October 29, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    Alias Girl,

    The quality of your men is yummier…I absolutely LOVE THIS!!!! Yes, that really sums it up, when the quality starts getting better…



  221.  #221Robin on October 29, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    I met a very nice man @ my church. About a month later we started dating so we’ve been just dating for about 2 months now. Im still seeing the other guys, still circular dating, but we’ve been seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week. He’s been asking well in advance, we dont talk or text much, we’ve mainly been seeing each other in person. Hes been absolutely wonderful and I find myself enjoying his company.

    We’ve been on some very expensive dates, it doesnt matter to me what we do though, it just feels good spending time with him, but he HAS been
    very generous and giving.

    The problem is almost a week has gone by with almost no contact, no date plans, and this is a first. He is scheduled to leave town tomorrow for business for a week and it feels really weird that we havent seen each other this week, since weve been seeing each other 2-3 times a week. He sent a text at the start of the
    week saying “good morning gorgeous. Have a great Monday” I replied back to him, kept is short and sweet, but nothing…

    And then today, I received a text just as I was saying to myself, that he’s gonna have to start over, because this kind of behavior isn’t acceptable forme. It felt great to get the text , which said ‘how are you doing?
    hope you are good. I leave to Seattle tomorrow for a week… 🙁 ‘

    But I still feel surprised that I hadn’t heard from him sooner…

    I feel like my best bet is to tell him its great to hear from him and to have a good trip….
    Or should I mention how weird it felt not talking this week?

    Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Of course my mind is trying to go back and replay things to see if I did anything ‘wrong’ and its also saying ‘oh he’s just busy with work, etc” Maybe I was putting out a stronger vibe that when we first started dating? I just don’t know.

    My mom told me to text him earlier this week (kinda glad I didn’t…), because he might feel like hes put out all this effort, and that Im not reciprocating (I dont know how this would be the case though, I’ve made time for him, let him kiss me,been very open to his company, am I missing something? Do I need to do something else?-This is DEFINITELY something thats coming to me a lot, 2 other guys, who were admittedly wishy-washy mentioned that I needed to put a little effort out, so that they wouldn’t feel taken advantage of, so this is a message for me…but its still MINIMUM effort)

    The truth is, it felt crappy not seeing him this week, and Im feeling confused as to what would be the best thing to do.



  222.  #222Melany on October 29, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    I met a man and we became friends after several dates, emails, chats etc. Eight months in the relationship we decided to take it to the intimate level. The man was so kind, sweet and appeared so genuine. He told me we are going to get married in 2009, this year, which I took with a smile cause I do not believe such promises until the wedding date set, and everything follow suit. We got an apartment, buy stuff for it but I decided not to move in with him until marriage cause I do not believe in shacking up. But where I went wrong was agreeing with him to have an exclusinve relationship. He paid for the apt and the things.

    A year and half in the relationship I got pregnant and by the second month of pregnancy he started to pull away. When I found out that I was pregnant, I began to follow up on our plans, such as the wedding, getting a home instead of the apartment, the joint bank account etc. I’m unsure if me trying to control the situation and the environment pushed him away, the pregnancy or he was just using me. He does not disclose. By the way we had discussed children and he said he would enjoy having a family which he never really had. I found out he started cheating when I was about 2-3 months pregnant.

    Now the relationship has deteriorated, sometimes we don’t talk for a week or two. I find myself constantly angry with him and can’tstop myself from cursing him. I feel so used, deceived. I feel trapped because I am here with the child who I love so dearly but he is not with us. In fact, he has told me that he is scared and he has things to achieve and time is catching up on him. He is 54. The apt no longer belongs to us as he sees it as his little space. I want to stop thinking about him, I want a man to commit to me and the relationship and a father for my child. I see where you recommended circular dating but how can I do this when I have such a young child, 7 months? I really do not have anyone to take care of my baby girl if I should decide to go on dating. I want to get him off my mind, out my blood. I really love this man. Nowadays he is what you call hot and cold. I cant stand it. The baby oftentime reminds of his lies, deception, broken
    promises, broken dreams and my love being taken for granted.

    Help me Rori, PLEASE.
    May



  223.  #223Daria on October 30, 2009 at 12:54 am

    hi… it feels great to hear from you!.. i felt crappy not seeing u this week and im feeling kinda weird about it…



  224.  #224Daria on October 30, 2009 at 12:56 am

    or… your own version of the Authentic TRUTH



  225.  #225Rori Raye on October 30, 2009 at 1:38 am

    Melany, Welcome, and I’m so sorry yu’re in such a painful situation. I want to ask you, first — is he paying child support, helping you out financially and visiting his child? Either he is a shallow, bad man who NEVER had the ability to love anyone (and does not wish to even be with his child) – and if so, you just can’t love him, no matter how much love you feel, he’s not what you want – or something went wrong in the relationship and it’s continuing to go wrong with your anger and miscommunication between you both. Start with your side, because it’s all you have to work with. Get my ebook, and start there…with Listening at Level 2, Appreciating, and getting into your feelings to find other ones besides anger and learn to express them all in a better way. See if anything happens, if it gets better. One step at a time. Circular Dating can be done WITH a child in your arms…at the market, the drug store – wherever you go. Love, Rori



  226.  #226Michelle on October 30, 2009 at 7:30 am

    HELP!!

    Last night I finally asked the guy (main guy, I do circular date) that I really like about our situation. I asked him if he saw me as a “hook up” situation and his response was that he thought that was how I saw him…I said “ha you didnt answer the question” and he said “I’m just going with the flow, I love spending time with you…sex or not! I just dont want a gf though”….I literally couldnt think of anything to say back to him (I even went to this blog online searching for something powerful to say.) He then responded again saying “Well…I guess the silence says something….ttyl” and I said “I didnt know what to say…I dont know how I feel about what you said” and he signed off (we were on FaceBook chat)….I then texted him and said I wanted to respond…i then said “I appreciate you being open with me…I really like you..and it feels good hanging out with you…I didnt know you were only interested in friendship…and I want more than something physical”. He then sent “I love hanging with you! Just dont want a title.” Again I didnt really know what to say back to that so it took me a little while and he ended up sending “Sorry”…I just said “I understand…im keeping my options open…I just wanted some clarification on what you were open to”…then he throws me for a loop and says “I hope I never made you feel smothered”….I told him “not at all…why would you think that?” and he said “Wasnt sure what you meant by options…Never stopped you from going out with others…Thought I told you about not wanting a GF”…and I said “By options I meant I never shut off meeting people or assumed anything from you…We never talked about the no GF thing..But I know now so I feel better about that…” Then he sends “Who knows what the future holds! We still have TrueBlood 2” (He is refering to this because we have been watching the first season of True Blood on DVD at his place bc I had borrowed it from a friend and we finally finished it but season 2 hasnt been released on DVD yet. When I responded I said “Speaking of True Blood, its still at your place” and he said “I sold it” (trying to be funny)…I didnt play into it or flirt with him I replied “Hope not…I gotta give it back” and he said “Too badddd” and I said “You better get it back then” and he said “U can come get it then…Itll be in my bed” (he jokes a lot in serious situations…I said “arent u working” and he said he would be off in a bit so I told him that I would be leaving to go home in a while so if he was home i would stop by and get it….he then asked where I was…and I didnt respond so he said “It will be about an hour before I get home…U can just stay the night” and all I responded with was “just text me when u get home”….

    He let me know when he would be home and so I left where i was (which was just hanging out with my cousin) and went by his house. I walked in and everything was normal but I kept my distance and just sat down on the couch. He asked me what I had done all night and I said “oh i had a hot date” and laughed and he did and said “oooh niceeee” and I said “yeah it was great and he actually begged me to be his girlfriend but I had to shut him down” and we both laughed…I obviously didnt go on a hot date and I have no idea if he knew I was joking or not, i didnt really care. So i sat down on the couch and we just chit chatted for a bit and played with his cute little dog. He was being kinda flirty and kept staring at me and smiling. He layed down on the couch and said he was cold and then reached over and grabbed me and pulled me on him holding me. I didnt hug him back I just layed there kind of in a ball and said Oh your cold huh and just gave him a look and asked if he cuddled all of his friends like that and he again being funny said “yep…me and Josh do all the time” (his guy friend) and just smiled at me. He was being very affectionate the whole time. I ended up looking at him and he went in to kiss me and I said so you kiss all your friends too and he said yeah…and I said well I dont kiss my friends….so he said ok thats fine, just let me hold you…and he tucked me under his chin and kind of rocked me a little.

    Originally when i went by there I didnt plan on actually staying…I wanted to go in and get my DVDs and leave and make my statement but I ended up basically falling asleep on him and he woke me up and said lets go to bed. So I stayed not wanting to drive home…and honestly I wanted to be close to him. I could tell he wanted to be physical but he only gave hints to it and never really tried. When I got in the bed I said I was cold and he immediately pulled me over to him and wrapped himself around me, almost tangled up….and we fell asleep that way. I eventually rolled over and he still moved with me and held me all night. When the alarm went off this morning he woke up and just stoked my arm for a minute thinking I was asleep and trying to wake me up a little. I got up and changed and got my things together…I asked if he had to go to work and he said yeah today and tomorrow and then I said you know…and sat on him and said “It sucks you only want to be friends…” and smiled at him staring him right in the eyes….and he just looked at me and put both his hands on my face and brushed my hair out of my face…he just looked at me and kept stroking my cheek and then pulled me to him and held me for a few minutes then he sqeezed me tight….so I got up and said have a good day at work…he said you too and waved and I left.

    I have so many different emotions. Part of me feels sad that I said anything because I feel it might have been to early….we’ve only been seeing each other for about a month and a half and i dont know if he thought i wanted to be his girlfriend or have a title right away. Im happy spending time with him but Im scared that its just a dead end. I dont know if he meant that hes completely not wanting a relationship to come of us or if he just meant that right now he likes how things are and seeing me but isnt ready. I feel confused and want more clarification. I want to text him and ask if he meant that he isnt open to that at all or if he meant hes not ready right now. I feel disappointed and rejected. I feel bad…PLEASE HELP!! Should I say anything else to clear things up??



  227.  #227Simply Shannon on October 30, 2009 at 8:06 am

    Michelle: I would lean way back. He said he doesn’t want a girlfriend. I would take that at face value. No matter what words I might try to use to clear it up, that would just be me trying to justify my feelings (which we don’t have to do). I’m not sure what response from him would make me feel better. It would feel yucky to me if I continued contacting him and sleeping with him if I knew he didn’t want anything else. I’m just not cool with being friends with benefits.

    I want a man calling me and asking me out on dates. I don’t want “dates” to be me coming over and him getting to sleep with a Siren. I want to feel like my guy is proud of me and wants to take me out. He gets the good stuff ONLY if I get the good stuff from him FIRST.

    I would lean wayyyy back. A man may change his mind about the no-GF, but he needs to be pursuing ME, not the other way around.

    Shannon



  228.  #228Michelle on October 30, 2009 at 9:57 am

    Thanks for your response Shannon!

    I totally agree. I want those things too, I think my fear is that I spoke too soon and that he would have come to that in his own time and maybe I messed things up by trying to analyze things too much. The only reason that I wanted to “clear things up” was because I dont know if he meant he didnt want to “title” us right now but is seeing how things go, or if he was saying that he doesnt want a girlfriend at all and hes just having fun. Basically Im ok with not being his girlfriend as long as a future is a possibility…and I would keep him in my rotation. In all honesty….the response I want from him is that he wants to see where things go and that he would be open to something if we got to that point and that he still wants to “date” me. Im going to continue dating other people so hopefully now that he knows that he would step up.

    Im really trying not to analyze all of his actions. I guess I just expected after that type of talk through texting the last thing he would want to do is see me. I expected him to pull away. So I wonder if I jumped to conclusions. Just because he said he doesnt want a title right now, I assumed that he only wanted to be friends and never anything else, and thats kind of how I talked to him. So to clear things up would be to see if thats what he meant or not…but I dont know how to say it and not sound needy or repetitive….



  229.  #229Simply Shannon on October 30, 2009 at 10:18 am

    How do you feel about the situation? Knowing he doesn’t want a girlfriend (it doesn’t matter if he means title or relationship or whatever), what does that mean to you? Think back to prior to you saying anything to him about it, how were you feeling?

    I wouldn’t want to invalidate my feelings. If I asked something and I got an answer, then that’s real and valuable information. Now I can move forward with my life rather than just wondering or wasting it with someone who doesn’t see me as valuable. Make sense?



  230.  #230Michelle on October 30, 2009 at 11:32 am

    Right now I feel confused and worried. Worried I spoke too soon. I dont know why he would want to see me after the talk we had. I feel like he was saying he wanted to take things slow maybe. I felt impatient before, like I wanted things to move forward.

    I feel like no matter what I do, or how I go about things…it never works out. Atleast not with anyone I truely like….the guys that I have no interest in are the ones that wont leave me alone. I guess basically that anything i ever truely want, i cant have. I feel sad about that. I lonely and lost because this is not the first time this has happened. I see a pattern…



  231.  #231Melany on October 30, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    It was really nice of you to respond and oh so soon. I appreciate it.
    Follow up to your questions.
    1. Yes he does support his child financially.
    2. No he rarely supports me financially. What makes the situation worse is that only when I work I get pay. Before I got pregnant you would call me the independent woman. I do not ask him for anything. If I make mention of something I needed he would get it for me. Since pregnancy I lost my job and have not been able to get a permanent job so I do some freelancing. Now all my savings has been used up. During pregnancy my phone broke and I asked him to get me one which he responded saying he did not have any money. Yet when I visited his apt I saw a receipt beside my text book where he purchased an expensive phone using his debit card. I do not see him with the phone. When I ask him for anything these days he says he has no money I must wait until the following month. When that month comes he finds some excuse.
    3) Regarding visitation of his child, he only looks for her when he has rehearsal in town(plays on a band) or he has some meeting at his office. This only happens if such events take place on a weekend, once per week. If there is an argument between us he does not visit 2 -3 weeks.

    I have purchased your ebook and I am really trying to work with it but somehow he knows how to get under my skin and with my anger the advice you offer just go through the window.

    Rori this man used to treat me like a queen. he would email me 2-3 times daily, send me text, call me only if is to check up on me. He used to visit me in town 3-4 times a week. He would take me to fancy places and invites me to plays when he he is performing. He would stay my my house (family house) for holidays and parties. He listen to me. He even confided to me that he felt so connected to me and I am the first woman he really opened up to. Yes he did..he told some deep stuff.

    Now he tells me that he wants us to be very great friends. Not too sure whats up with that as a month ago he disclosed that his joy is in me. He says even though he loves the baby dearly, he does not like to visit my home when I am not there as his joy is in me. Can you make sense of this Rori cause I really don’t. Besides my family has never been unkind to this man.

    He invited me out twice since I gave birth. On the last occasion I told him I feel like Im being pitied. Besides I feel like Im selling myself short as I do not want to waste time with him when he longer wants to commit and just wants to be friends. Was I wrong in saying this?

    Last week he invited me to his apt which I am yet to give a response. He changed the keys to his apt which I was aware but he did not bother to give me copy of the new one…said it was only temporary so it makes no sense giving me one. Due to the fact that the apt was considered ours I used to visit as how I please without making an appointment. He loved it. He used to beg me to even come by more often. On fathers day, I did the usual and I took the baby. When I reached he was not there. So I called. To my surprised he asked me why and that he really has stuff to do. But he came afterwards, he was nearby. I was so pissed, took my stuff, return the key to his car, the old key to the door and the key to the complex itself. Was I wrong to do this? I have asked him weeks before my visit to return my things since he said we should just be great friends. He did not…said I was not thinking straight and too upset. I wonder if he had fear that I was coming for my things why he made such comment. Note…when I was packing up my things he did not try to stop me or anything. He simple sat around the table rested his hands on the table and looked blank. I went because he has been the one doing all the travelling since February and I thought it would have been nice to give him a break for father’s day. Was I wrong to do that? So I really feel uncomfortable going back there. I dont believe that I should go to a his house per invitation. What is your position on this?

    Before pregnancy I was the kind of girl that everyone wants to be with… positive, full of energy, humorous, fun, free, aggressive when needs be.

    Just before I got pregnant, my work environment was in turmoil. When I got pregnant, I lost my job. I must say I was devastated. I am the breadwinner where I live plus I have my personal expenses to deal with.
    More than likely with me losing my job and a child on the way I wanted to know what would be the next step for us as an unit. All he said was that he love me and we will manage. Of course I got depress as I did not see him making any steps to go through with the plans we had for us before pregnancy. It got worst from there.

    Once he mentioned that I prefer my family over him, I do not spend much time with him and he is way down the bottom on my priority list. He even told me that he saw nothing wrong with cheating ( bare in mind he was the one who recommended exclusive relationship), and he has to deal with him on a daily basis and it’s really not about me. He told me all of this when I was 7 months pregnant.

    But what I believe is unforgivable is the event on the night I gave birth to our daughter. She is my first child, his fourth. He visited during regular visiting hours but the doctors had to induce labour so he really did not spend anytime with me. At that hospital fathers are not permitted in the delivery room. Rori, after giving birth I called him several times that night from about 9:30 pm and he did not answer. I know his phone alarms at 5am and he would turn it off and in so doing he would have seen the missed calls. Up to 8 am I received no response from him. I was so angry I sent him text cursing him. When he came the evening his response was he did not expect me to call for the night. So I asked if the missed calls did not evoke something in him to find out if everything was ok. He only shrugged.

    Rori, I believe I can forgive him for everything else but not that event.

    Right now I really feel confuse. I still love him. At times I want to be with him, the next I hate his guts. He says he will always love me but his actions says otherwise. One minute he is nice… example I am having the flu now, he called, heard me and ask if I have things to treat it if not I must let him know and he will get them. A next minute he is cold. He says he no longer knows how to approach me that’s why he just keep quiet.

    I want to get over this situation. I miss the old me. I am unable to do much of any extra curriculum to push everthing aside regarding him as I really do not have anyone to stay with the baby. I am trying to get in touch with other feelings. But sometimes I feel overwhelm with the child and financially. I do not see him in the picture I cant help myself but getting angry. Worst if he calls when I’m having one of those bad moments. I just let him have it.

    Kindly give me your input. Please.



  232.  #232Robin on October 30, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Ok, ladies, does this response sound too leaning forward?

    ‘Jim, it feels great to hear from you, missed your this week. I’m feeling absolutely fantastic today, thanks. Hope all goes well in Seattle…’

    I’m thinking of changing the ‘missed you this week’ to ‘hope you had a good week.’
    Honestly, my bad feelings have pretty much dissolved, so I don’t know, but I don’t want to lean forward either…



  233.  #233Robin on October 30, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    Daria,

    Thank you for your response, I always love how you are able to express feelings so beautifully.

    Sinking into the soup….



  234.  #234Michelle on October 30, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Melany: I think this mans actions the night you gave birth speak volumes. Little things happen and people mess up, its easy to get sidetracked sometimes, but this is his child regardless of how many others he has. It could reflect how he would handle other important and emotional situations with you. Feeling that you can rely on your partner is important so it comes down to how will you feel in a relationship with someone knowing that. I’ve been in some pretty bad situations….and I have somehow, by the grace of God been able to forgive them but I dont forget. And I carry that with me not as a sign of weakness or pain anymore, but a testament to my value as a person. Im not sure if any of that helped, Im so distraught by my own situations right now Im not even sure I should be giving advice. But it feels good focusing on trying to help someone else!! Best of luck to you!

    Robin: Your response to Jim sounds good but also very thought out. I would maybe shorten it some? Maybe “Hi there! (shows him you are happy to hear from him) I’m feeling fantastic today, thanks! Hope all goes well in Seatle!” The it feels great to hear from you could imply “i didnt hear from you so im pointing it out”? Keeping the hope you have a good week would be cool too. Im in the same boat as you on the not knowing if you should express your discomfort at not hearing from someone for a while. Going by things Ive read from Rori, unless you are exlusive or he has verbally said he would call you or text you at a certain time, he had no obligation…but at the same time you should express how you feel…its all very confusing to me. I think my brian is on overload!! I feel skatterbrained and very conflicted! lol. So im going to say, go with what feels good for you!



  235.  #235Daria on October 30, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Robin… i don’t know… you said the bad feelings have pretty much dissolved… but yet you are feeling confused about what to say and dont bring them up at all

    personally i would not say only good feelings when i felt some bad ones…

    and you want to change missed you this week? i feel mildly horrified

    I would say

    wow it feels great to hear from you… i was feeling kinda weird not having heard from you in so long… im feeling better now! hope Seattle goes well!

    i feel an icky strangeness in my tummy right now actually

    the truth is I would not be cutting him slack like this
    I Daria would say

    “oh wow i feel surprised to hear from you. it felt bad not hearing from you this week and im feeling a lil upset about it”

    i wouldnt say anything about go seattle or that stuff
    but hey thats me
    i feel kinda defensive right now like … well thats just not “understanding” his situation and only focusing on what I want… but hey… thats what im practicing…

    now im feeling a lil guilty like im being superior or something

    but seriously i dont like to give men im dating “excuses” for whatever

    i even told a guy i felt disappointed not seeing him or even getting a phone call to cancel our plans at least… and he’s just lost his father so i figured he was with his family… but i do believe i want to be treated well at ALL times… and that That will help him be a strong man that fills those expectations



  236.  #236Rori Raye on October 31, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    Carla, Welcome and thank you for your clear and helpful comment. Love, Rori



  237.  #237Rori Raye on October 31, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Orna, Thank you! To everyone, Orna is part of a team with her new husband, Matthew – So Orna Walters and Matthew Walters at http://www.CreatingLoveonPurpose.com. They have a real story and real help for you, and they’ll be my Monthly Interview in February…please keep posting Orna (and I hope Matthew, too). this thing about sex, and what you do with the actual experience of it when things are uncertain is a great topic…I’ll write a post for us…Love, Rori



  238.  #238Orna Walters on October 31, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Michelle:

    It so breaks my heart to read this: “I guess basically that anything i ever truely want, i cant have.” This was ME! For so long, I really wanted a partner and to feel loved. I had an affair with a married man for years, so when I say I understand this feeling, I really do.

    Our thoughts and our feelings are so powerful – if you truly believe that you cannot have what you want, then you will not have it – ever.

    In my humble opinion, this is not your guy. It is absolutely impossible for you to say or do the wrong thing with the right person. You are feeling all this regret about asking and speaking up which was you being AUTHENTIC. Any guy who says he doesn’t want a title, and enjoys how things are. . . those are all designed to keep you hanging on. He is not going to commit to YOU.

    This guy is mirror for how you feel about YOU. Start looking at how you treat yourself – literally and figuratively. Do you take good care of you physically, mentally, and spiritually? What is your inner dialog? Clearly in this situation, you are not being kind or loving with yourself. Instead you are beating yourself up for asking a very simple and straight forward question and made yourself vulnerable.

    If you’re addicted to that feeling, that OH, I SO WISH I COULD HAVE YOU – that is not love. Really fall in love with yourself – all the parts of you, the good, the bad and the ugly. When you have that on the inside, it will be mirrored back to you on the outside.

    I know that you can do it, because I did it. I am married to my soul mate and we have an amazing spiritual partnership. Keep utilizing the tools here, be kind to yourself in the process and do not ever settle because you can have it all!



  239.  #239Flipper on November 2, 2009 at 7:10 am

    Robin, this is prolly too late for this time, but I liked it best exactly as you put it:

    “Jim, it feels great to hear from you, missed your this week. I’m feeling absolutely fantastic today, thanks. Hope all goes well in Seattle…’”

    The first 3 parts are all “feels” about you,2 positives and 1 non-blaming negative ‘missing’). Last sentence feels just right to me, between ignoring his situation and overfunctioning.

    Michelle, I feel your bravery in bringing things up with the guy, so I’d feel proud of myself for showing my vulnerability that way, and listening to his answers without trying to change his mind or worse, pitch myself as a good catch. Remember, this is not about getting ‘results’, i.e. the answer we’re hoping for, but about expressing our preoccupations and feelings about what is (or could be) happening between us. And in fact, the guy seemed to respond with honesty (no title) but also affectionate, respectful behavior, and not the irritation or shutdown I’d have feared. To me, messages have gone in both directions: I now understand that he doesn’t want his attraction, however much he enjoys me and likes being sweet to me, to develop into something really commited. And I have made clear to him that I won’t feel satisfied with friends with benefits, and now, because I hadn’t said to him how I do feel, he can’t fool himself that I feel the same as him and everything’s hunky dory as is.

    That said, 1 1/2 mos. doesn’t feel long enough to me for enough things to happen to either judge someone else’s character or to know my own feelings about All of that person.



  240.  #240Uschi on November 2, 2009 at 9:52 am

    Shannon,
    you ask me a question above “I feel curious Uschi. What do you want for you, with or without him?”

    The way I see it is that there is no without him – we have been together for over 8 years – he is a GOOD MAN – yes he has issues like we all do – past relationships, hurts, disappointments etc – we both brought baggage into this – somewhere alone those years somehow we lost the things we had and they were great. I WANT THEM BACK! And I know we can have them again and I am willing to do what it takes with Rori’s tools. I have had some small, very small responses doing them. I just wish it would go faster and I would get to the end-result that I want.
    What I want for me is a job again and I am actively searching but haven’t had any luck yet.



  241.  #241Orna Walters on November 5, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Rori!

    Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I will continue to post here (and Matthew too). Thank you for creating such a lovely place for women to RECEIVE help and guidance.

    RECEIVING is truly the name of the game!

    Blessings,
    Orna



  242.  #242MaryB on November 7, 2009 at 7:18 am

    Hi Rori:

    I just met a guy recently where we both hit it off from the start. He is 53 and I am 52. We have great phone conversations. We have so much in common. We met for dinner for the first time and it went well. He invited me to a Hockey game the day after and we had a blast. He said that we have so much in common and that he felt so comfortable with me like he has known me for while..and he is right, it does feel that way. He said what he likes about me is that I seem secure, independent, knows what I want and not afraid to express it and that i stand on my own two feet. He said he likes to see my cute face smile and the way i laugh.

    I know from listening to Targeting Mr Right that I need to circular date. My question is, is it ok for the guy to do that? He was upfront and told me he wants to have fun, date others, that he is not ready to get serious. He said he feels dating builds a foundation and sometimes it takes alot of dates to find the long term one. It’s not that i want to jump into something right off the bat, but i guess I am not used to a guy doing that. My other relationships were one on one from the start and this is something I am not used to. We do have a 3rd date planned, he does call me about 2x a week, sends me jokes in email, sometimes texts me.

    So if you meet someone who keeps dating, is that a lost cause? or should I keep him in my list?

    Maryb



  243.  #243Rori Raye on November 7, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Mary B – This is what dating is..dating. It’s okay for him to date other women. Even if you sleep with him. So DON’T sleep with him unless you have SEXUAL exclusivity. You keep Circular Dating regardless. Around month 3…that’s when the idea of exclusivity may start to gel for him if he’s afraid enough of losing you. – but don’t Do it!!!! Circular Date – have fun, don’t focus on him…really really stick to Targeting Mr Right – do the paperwork, work the Tools. Remember this – feeling ‘comfortable” and “having things in common” is nearly meaningless to a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship is built on ATTRACTION, mental, physical, emotional – and it comes from the gut and has NOTHING to do with how things look on “paper” or how “friendly” things are….You just stick to being a Modern Siren and Circular Date, and you’ll be incredibly attractive…Love, Rori



  244.  #244Michelle on November 9, 2009 at 9:57 am

    Thanks ladies for all of your responses!

    Just reading those made me feel better. I feel understood and supported.

    This weekend was hard for me. After the talk I had with the guy we hung out more often. He invited me over Sunday and we had a nice time. Then again on Tuesday night and he cooked me dinner. It was really nice and I felt a change. We talked a bit the next day (last wednesday) over facebook chat but that was it. I havent heard from him since. He went on a short vacation to NYC but has been on facebook since then and had time to text or talk if he wanted (in my opinion). Our phones have issues for some reason with sending and getting texts from each other (last weekend he had texted me and I never got it and the next day he teased me a little as to why i didnt respond). So i leaned forward….yeah I cracked…I feel confused from time to time about leaning back or forward…thinking that its ok for the girl to send a text here or there or to call and that guys kinda like that. Anyways…I texted and called and got no response….I started to let my mind wander and thought that he just didnt get them for some reason due to the phone issues so I sent him a message on facebook to his inbox saying “Your phone still jacked up? lol” and he never responded. I sent that mid-day yesterday and hes been on, uploaded pictures and changed his status since then.

    I feel abandoned. I feel lost, angry, confused and hurt. I dont understand it. I have no problem getting initial interest from a guy but it always fizzles and usually they up and disappear. Im so sick of it! I feel tired. I feel like I dont matter to any guy. I feel disappointed that I want to matter, like I shouldnt need that to feel good. I have a life, and I circular date, I went out this weekend with friends and did things for myself. I feel so frustrated!!!

    I need help to snap out of this….to understand what is going on…I feel like theres nothing left for me to do. 🙁



  245.  #245Melany on November 9, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Michelle

    I really understand how you feel and what you are going through. But just reading your mail I sense a kind of
    ‘neediness’ I believe that you are too focused on finding Mr. Right. Think you should allow him to find you. Just continue to date and without the expectation. Dont expect the person to call, write, or text. When you date just enjoy yourself. Treat yourself kind. Date as if you are with one of your girlfriends…to enjoy the moment. When you find yourself getting frustrated find something to do, go outside and watch the sky, go for a walk, find a friend and go dancing, enjoy the beauty around us and just get lost in it.

    These are some of the things that I do and I really feel better inside. The anger for my child’s father is not so strong now. I start to give him way less attention. I see him start calling me more often just checking up on us. When he calls I keep the conversation short as I really do not want him to say something that will make me snap.

    As in Rori’s ebook get to know you and enjoy you. I guess men can really sense when you are out to get them. So, as we were advised, just continued to lean back and find ways and do things that will make you radiate. So the next time when he calls you will be so upbeat that will make him wonder what is happening to you. When he does come around your actions will not be a class act because what will be expressed is how you really feel about you.

    Just bear in mind Michelle looks after Michelle and no one else will do a better job. Stop lean forward cause when you do this and the feeling is not return you are going to feel as how you said you do feel. Frustrated, disappointed and insignificant. When I used to call my child’s father and he did not respond I went into an anger mode, then I felt disappointed. Based on how I felt I would send him an angry email/text that will aggravate the situation. Based on how this used to make me feel I stopped calling him period. I allow him to do all the calling. Sometimes when I do not hear from him I am tempted to call but I remind myself of how I terrible I would feel if he fails to respond. In times like this I do something that I like doing, make me feel better and forget about it. I go to the beach, I play games, read a book, take my daughter out to some fancy place.

    Take your time. It will not be easy. But the first step is to love you and engage in activities that will bring out joy and happiness in you.



  246.  #246Michelle on November 9, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    Thanks for your quick response Melany. You must be right, I dont feel like I am a needy person but it obviously is coming off that way!

    I have gotten to the point now where I am just angry. Angry that I havent heard from him in 5 days and on top of that him not responding. I left a pair of my favorite earrings at his house and I meant to go by to get them this weekend (thinking I would hear from him I wasnt too worried about it at first). When I leave work I am thinking of stopping by to pick them up since I pass his place on my way home. He has told me before I am always welcome…I would never show up to hang out, but obviously there isnt a good way for me to get in touch with him before hand. So the plan is to stop by if hes home and let him know that I had left them and just wanted to stop by on my way home to pick them up. I dont know how my attitude should be when doing this….on one hand I want to be cheerful like it doesnt matter- show up smiling get my stuff and be gone like it was nothing….but I know thats not how I really feel and it might be easily noticed that Im not being authentic. The other part of me wants to get my earrings and let him know that I dont like being ignored and show that Im angry about it. But I wouldnt know the best way to go about that.

    I know that feeling messages would be a good start…but If i say that I feel angry and then he asks why…and I tell him, i feel like i will just get excuses- “I didnt see your call, I didnt get the text, I meant to respond and forgot, ive been busy..etc etc” and there really is no good excuse, its just rude to ignore someone like that, especially if its someone you are seeing and Im not ok with that. I dont want scraps. Any advice on how to let that out and feel good about it without being needy? Ugh, what a monday!



  247.  #247Melany on November 9, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    If I was in your position I would not go back to his home got the earrings lest it be misinterpreted as needy. I would call him, text or email him and ask him to kindly drop off my earrings when he finds the time but you would appreciate it if he gets them to you in the earliest time frame.

    I would not give him a feeling message about him not responding. Say nothing. Think and do things that will make you get over it. As Rori said when you feel angry search for other feelings. Think of blissful moments to overcome such feelings. My child’s father used to do me that and I felt like I could strangle him.

    When he comes by the house to drop off the earrings I would not even mention about the his non response. I would keep the conversation civil and prolite. I would not call him thereafter. Let him do the calling. When he does ask you why you stop calling him or hinted that you no longer contact him then is the time I would make the feeling message. I would let him know that I dislike the way I feel when I call and he does not have the courtesy to respond and because I hate feeling this way I have opted not to do it. I want my peace of mind and I hate being angry.

    But until such time take time out for you. Read Rori ebook again, continue dating and just do things that will make you happy. I realized long time ago that having a man in life is just icing on the cake. The cake is you.



  248.  #248Robin on November 11, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    hmm…guy A, whos been pretty awesome, seems to be pulling some weird behavior….

    Ok, its not my business…

    And I actually feel really calm, like either hes testing me, and thats not really my problem, so I actually dont care all that much…

    Or he’s got some commitment fears/issues, which are either not me problem, or something I dont want for myself in a man….

    Hmm, it feels weird that Im not falling to pieces…

    We are suppossed to go out tonight, it will be the last time I see him for a few weeks, I got this text this afternoon “Hello. How are you? Tonight is not looking so good for me. Im still trying cause if not tonight it will be a few weeks.”

    Im like, ok, bummer, I need to know. Not sure what exactly to say, I know if I get stood up ever, I will calmly let him (or anyone else) know that that is just not going to work.

    just not really sure how to respond.

    Maybe, ‘oh no, bummer, let me know. Im feeling great today, thanks, it feels good to hear from you..



  249.  #249Simply Shannon on November 11, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Robin: Your text to him feels right to me! that’s pretty much the feeling you wrote above and I’d say that’s what you should say.



  250.  #250Robin on November 11, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Thanks Shannon!

    Well thats what I decided to send since it was what I was feeling…

    He responded ” Robin, I’m not gonna be able to go out tonight. Sorry..I’ll make it up to you.”

    I know I feel bummed, I know I feel disappointed, and I know I can easily express that.

    But I also feel confused. It doesnt feel good to get cancelled on at the last minute, and yet, if it has to do with his work or leaving to see his family, then I understand, and I dont feel so bad.

    So it weird, its none of my business, REALLY, it doesn’t matter WHY he cancelled….and yet, knowing the reason would really affect how I feel, depending on the reason…

    The truth is, I feel disappointed and bummed, and the truth is also, that I have no control over what he does…

    So I dont know whether to say something like, “Id appreciate as much notice as possible if you need to cancel, so I can plan something else…”etc, b/c this afternoon may have been the earliest he knew…

    I just know that I dont want to be cancelled on at the last minute, but if he had not control over this, thats another thing..

    And I dont want to blame or make him wrong…

    maybe “bummer, I feel so disappointed…See you another night…”



  251.  #251Simply Shannon on November 11, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    How about… “Bummer. it would feel better to have a little more notice so I can make other plans. I feel disappointed.”

    I would leave out any references to him at all. In Siren terms, you don’t care one way or another about HIM cancelling. I would feel disappointed that I had plans and now I’m having to scramble to find other plans. It has nothing to do with him. Ya know?



  252.  #252Flipper on November 12, 2009 at 6:20 am

    Or “Bummer, I feel disappointed. I’d like to have seen you, but with luck I’ll still make it to Plan B.” (To keep this true, I’d try to have Plan B ready and if not, make a real one up fast.) Rockstar version: “Bum……. WISH ME LUCK I can still make it to Plan B.”



  253.  #253donna on December 4, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    I am so glad to have found Rori and can’t wait to transform my life. I am presently seeing a man that lives in a Winnebago, rasied his children by self (wife is a Coke addict), the children are grown, and he is a quiet alpha male that for some reason I adore. He has been married twice and never wants to marry again. I want to marry and have a sense of family with the man I have been searching for always.



  254.  #254Rori Raye on December 4, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    donna, Welcome, and I so look forward to hearing more as your story unfolds…(you meant wife “was” – right? he’s not presently married?) Love, Rori



  255.  #255Jay on December 24, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    Vulnerability really does gives me a lot of power because I don’t care what the man thinks of me. If a man takes me for granted for being open about my affection for him than perhaps he’s not the one for me.

    Jennifer, why would you smile at him when you are hurt? If I am in your position at that moment this is what I would say “I really like you and I’m sure you know this too. If my openness, affection and care for you, frightens you, than perhaps you are not the man for me. I am not going to play games and pretend that I’m not into you so I can land you. By the same token, I want a man who wants me. I’m not going to take bread crumbs from you because my dignity and self-worth are so much more important.”

    I mean, are we suppose to please these men? I truly believe a woman has the power to turn a man into either a saint or a monster, a giver or a taker. Being accommodating, smiling even when we are hurt, playing games, strategizing, holding our tongue even when we have something to say… all these I know will lead to a dead end road, because I have done that and been there. Now, I’m being vulnerable. I’m being who I want and say what I want to say to the man I care about. If he has a problem with that, then I guess he just doesn’t love me all that much. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t love me and doesn’t want a future with me. Give yourself some power and walk…



  256.  #256Schmoozy on January 3, 2010 at 6:26 am

    I totally agree with you Jay, be vulnerable…and state what you expect,..but not needy..in other words..this is the way it is…if you don’t like it…go.. :-)….oooh..am I right? Am I becoming a siren??! 🙂

    God its hard not texting or phoning..but it’s nice to have you girlies and know we’re all feeling the same way..xox



  257.  #257jenny on January 16, 2010 at 8:28 am

    I think guys want the milk but don’t want to buy the cow.



  258.  #258tinque on January 16, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    jenny – this isn’t necessarily true. there are plenty of really, really good men out there yearning for “the one” as much as most women and when they have found her, they love, adore, and cherish her.
    I have one. Rori has one, and a few others who have visited here.



  259.  #259Adrienne on February 23, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    Hi Rori,

    I’m not sure this is the right place on your blog to get a question to you but here goes.

    I have been dating a man for 1 year. It is imaginary. He told me from the start that he would never want a committed relationship. When I first met him I hesitated of course…not wanting to have my heart broken. But I was also going through an experimental time sexually in my life (I am 46) and I chose him to experiment with. We have an unbelievable chemistry and sex life, of course. Silly me, I thought I could handle the emotions and not fall in love. I was wrong.

    Anyway…when we first met I was dating other men and he was dating another woman. I had my profile up on Match.com. Within the first 3 months I hid my profile and became essentially exclusive with him. He did not ask me to and expressed that he would not be exclusive with me. However, within a few months he broke off the other relationship and has not been with another woman since.

    I realize now, after taking your many programs, that he is a man that cannot do relationship. It has nothing to do with me. I want to begin dating again and unhide my Match.com profile. However, when I hid it the first time, we had a talk (initiated by him) and I agreed to tell him when I would unhide it again.

    So I need to know how best to tell him that I am unhiding my profile without making a big deal of the fact that I am dating again. I was hoping to just start circular dating again to regain my power, lean back from him, etc….If somehow he starts to dance, great. If not, another, better man will come along.

    I don’t want to “fear the outcome” but I don’t want to totally push him away either. There might be a tiny glimmer of hope for him (??).

    Anyway, any ideas on the best way to tell him would be great. I know he goes onto the site from time-to-time to see if I’m active, so I want to tell him first.

    Adrienne



  260.  #260Rori Raye on February 26, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Adrienne, Welcome – and what a great way to have a deeper conversation with a man…simply do as you say, and let him know you’re following his request to let him know if you unhid your match profile…and then just simply say it feels better to keep your options open while he decides what he’d like to do with you for the long haul (the “No Boyfriend” speech). Love, Rori



  261.  #261Anny on April 12, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    Hi Rori,
    I totally feel better every time I read your e letters, etc.
    But I wanted to ask you: Circular dating will smoke those guys out!
    I have been single for almost a year now, because if I never initiate even a phone call , they all smoke out! I mean, they just stand there to see if I call them, and sometimes they told me, and the relationship never happens. Why if I ‘ignore’ my men, not initiating, they just disappear because they think I don’t care enough of them? Or maybe they call me once a week or so……nothing really strong happens anymore… Help! 🙂



  262.  #262Alicia on May 18, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    ANNY.. I HOPE RORI RESONDS TO THAT TOO BECAUSE I FEEL THE SAME WAY SOMETIMES WHEN I DATE.. I’M NOT THAT INTO THE GUYS I HAVE MET ON THE INTERNET.. SO AT OTHERTIMES EVEN WHEN THEY TELL ME TO CALL THEM. I DONT BECUASE I DONT FEEL LIKE IT. AND I FIGURE IT SEPERATES THE BOYS FROM THE MEN.. SO I DUNNO I FEEL CONFUSED.



  263.  #263Pam on May 24, 2010 at 6:40 am

    Good morning Rori & ladies…

    Circular Dating is making my head spin in circles!! I have the Modern Siren & Targeting Mr Right programs and have watched them once. The thought of dating or meeting lots of men for coffee scared me. But, so far it’s been a great experience. I’m learning a lot about the kind of man I’m looking for and recognizing immediately that the man I’m dating isn’t the one. I’m practicing my feeling message but that’s been a challenge.

    I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed because there are 3 really great men that I like a lot. They are all different in their own way and each have qualities that I’m looking for. Oh, and there’s a possible 4th, but my friend is waiting to hook us up after he gets back from his holidays. I’m struggling with the fact that some day soon I’ll have to have the girlfriend speech with all of them. I had that speech with a guy already and he told me that I’m putting expectations on him. There were many red flags with him right off the bat. I know what I want and if that scares a man away, then he’s not the one.

    Have any of you ladies been in this situation where many of the men you’re circular dating are wonderful, funny, caring, handsome, successful men? I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. At times I just want to throw in the towel and say goodbye to all of them, but then the thought that one of them could possibly be the love of my life, my husband makes me want to keep going with this.

    I just had to talk about this because my head is spinning and I’m afraid of falling head over heels with all of them. At least now I know, there are great guys out there and I’m a great woman. It feels good to be pursued and treated nice.

    Pam 🙂



  264.  #264Rori Raye on May 24, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Pam – don’t just watch Targeting Mr. Right once – put it on NON-STOP!! You have to get ALL these nuts and bolts – you have to do the paperwork and get the attitude in your BONES. Love, Rori



  265.  #265Pam on May 24, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Oh I plan to watch it again and again. Just had a very busy weekend. I will plan to watch 1 CD a day and when they are done, I’ll watch it again. Thanks Rori!

    Today, I went for some ice cream with one of the men I’m circular dating. He was away for the long weekend at his cottage (holiday weekend here in Canada). I kinda missed him. Couldn’t wait to see him. I had butterflies. It’s been a long time since I felt that. The more I talk with him, the more I feel he’s “Mr Right”. But I’m not stopping here. There are 3 men who still want to spend more time with me. Three great men. The girlfriend speech will for sure come up soon. I’ve seen Guy “A” 4 times now and we haven’t had sex, just kissed. There’s something different this time. I have boundaries, I want to take it slower. He’s such a gentleman, opens doors for me, pays for dinner, his touch is kind and loving.

    I’m going to play CD #1 right now!! I’m gonna get this attitude in my BONES Rori!!!



  266.  #266liz on August 5, 2010 at 12:11 am

    I’m curious…what ever happened with Jennifer’s situation? I don’t think sex is ALWAYS meaningful to a woman. For me that is only true when I feel a man pulling on my heart strings…I do believe and have experienced love at first sight where a man stepped up just after 10 days to “claim” me. The feeling was mutual for me…I was (circular) dating 2 other men at the time who were jerking me around (both sex addicts, which they admitted to me). Know who you are and never apologize for who you are…when the right man comes along you will know and trust it because you trust yourself! 🙂



  267.  #267Alison on March 16, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    Sorry to disagree with everybody here, but this guy likes you, he contacts you every day.

    I’m going to disagree with Rori’s advice. I say you could call him, but about something innocuous (for example, if your car needs to be fixed, you could call to ask if he knows where to find a good mechanic.) Better yet would be to come up with some excuse for him to meet you somewhere.

    Talking directly about the relationship will freak him out (right now.) But he’s taking little actions here and there so he can be near you (hear your voice) or maintain a connection to you.

    He’s afraid of both rejection/abandonment as well as engulfment. I know because I have the same issue. But he wants to overcome these fears.

    You need to give him a little assist. Approach him in a “sideways” manner (ask about a mechanic, etc.) that allows him to save face.



  268.  #268natasha on May 10, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Hi Friends,
    I learned the hard way recently that I could have easily “smoked out” the wrong guy with circular dating. I went into my last nine month relationship trying to continue circular dating and it was very difficult to keep doing it. My man appeared to have an “anxious attachment” with his mother, hence he was anxiously attached to me.

    He called and texted often and I loved it. It made me feel loved, important and I felt like I always was on his mind. I felt that this program was working! The mistake I made was I stopped circular dating b/c he told me he stopped looking for another woman. He then strung me along (I learned later) he was a phony. He recently admitted that he shoots testosterone and he was trying to manage his rage. He was scored really high on the loving charts (see Toxic Men) and when he was bad, he was awful.

    I know for a fact he would not have accepted me continuing to circular date and this was the sign I missed. HUGE mistake. I did get out of this b/f I got seriously injured.

    I just listened to the interview with Susan Quinn and I am actively trying EMDR or EFT “tapping” now. It is helping.

    The other weird thing that I felt was totally unfair that when you kiss and share fluids with a a man you absorb his testosterone. When they are adding more to their bodies it does end up in yours too.

    I am totally rattled after this situation. I never thought this sweet, generous, alpha man (what I want) that lavished me with attention, first class trips, beautiful sex and what I thought was genuine love for me could ever be the same fellow I would run from!

    Help me feel that power of a siren. I enjoy sharing my sacred play space with others. I am 39 this year and feel like I am just now growing up and becoming ready to see myself.

    Jennifer I am so sorry about this guy for you. It sounded like he was “crazy making” he was saying one thing and the opposite at the same time. WARNING sign! We overlook so much b/c we have a vision of the perfect outcome. I get why you liked him.
    You are in my thoughts right now. I hope the right guy finds you soon.



  269.  #269Rhia on August 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    I’ve been dating this guy for over a month now. I fell for him on our first date – he’s told me he likes me too. We’ve met each others friends. I had a boardgames party y’day (Saturday) & he was invited. When I was confirming with him on Friday he asked what my plans were for friday evening. I told him I was out with the girls for after work drinks. I asked him what he’s upto – I didn’t really want him over – just wanted my me-time. Since he’s been going through some tough times I took pity & invited him over for dinner. He agreed. So I rush home & get all dolled up, put the garlic bread in the oven – nothing. After an hour of waiting I text him….again a bit later I send another text. A bit later I call him & leave a voice message. He’s normally good at texting back. He rings me back & by then I had downed a bottle of wine out of frustration & since I was waiting for him I hadn’t eaten either. He apologizes & tells me he’s in a far away suburb & had ‘lost track of time’ – I was livid!! I told him I couldn’t believe I left the girls early only to be stood up. He has never done this before & in fact arrives before time for dates. I tell him to come over but he says he has no transport. He tells me he’ll see me on Saturday. ‘oh so he’ll turn up as & when he wants’ I thought. Infuriated I hung up. I texted him & asked him how he could make arrangements with me & then not show up. Anyway we exchanged a spate of texts where I even said ‘enjoy with your girlfriend’ & he told me he’s with his male friend, who I’ve met, & there wasn’t anything ‘sinister’ to his no show. I was so furious that I gave him an ultimatum (and I know that’s not done but I was terribly upset my Friday was going down the gurgler) – ‘you either turn up or no need to bother with tomorrow’. He texted back to tell me he didn’t appreciate it & that it’s upto me if I wanted him over on Saturday. What the hell!! So he’s obliging me by turning up on Saturday? I texted him later & said I knew where I stood & it’s upto him to attend the party – no red carpet for him since he’s like any other friend. Yes I was being nasty cos I was hurting. I also wanted him to realise he’s not so important that I have to treat him special. 

    Am really upset  I’ve never been stood up before so this hurts. Also the unpleasant tiff has left a bad taste in my mouth. How I spent the night & saturday only I know. Am going overseas in less than 3 weeks so I want to spend as much time as I can with him – Friday would have been perfect…leading into Saturday. 

    On Saturday I texted & apologized – told him I was upset & a bit tipsy. Asked him if was turning up for the party. He didn’t respond. Later that evening when my friends had arrived I called & left a voice message telling him excitedly that we were expecting him. Nothing. He didn’t show & now it’s more than 24 hours since our heated exchange. 

    If I were him I would have turned up with a bunch of flowers & a sorry note. But I know he’s desperately looking for work & is drinking quite a bit – maybe even a bit depressed.

    Earlier in the week when I took over 9 hrs to respond to his text he texted ‘are you not talking to me anymore?’. Our texts on that day ended with him saying ‘good night princess’. And now he stands me up twice & hurts me…yes I lashed out but I have apologized. This is confusing. I’ve decided not to contact him anymore but it truly hurts 🙁 

    Have I messed it up? What do I do? 



  270.  #270Rhia on August 20, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    I’ve been dating this guy for over a month now.I fell for him on our first date-he’s told me he likes me too.We’ve met each others friends. I had a home party y’day (Sat) & he was invited.When I was confirming with him on Friday he asked what my plans were for Fri evening.I told him I was out with the girls for after work drinks.Since he’s been going through tough times I invited him to dinner even though I wanted my me-time. He agreed.I rush home & get all dolled up, put the garlic bread in the oven-nothing.An hour later I text him.I send another text.A bit later I call him & leave a voice message.He’s normally good at texting back.He rings me back & by then I had downed a bottle of wine out of frustration & since I was waiting for him I hadn’t eaten either.He apologizes & tells me he’s in a far away suburb & had ‘lost track of time’.I was livid!I told him I couldn’t believe I left the girls early only to be stood up.He’s never done this before & in fact arrives before time.I tell him to come over but he says he has no transport.He tells me he’ll see me on Sat. Infuriated I hung up.We exchanged a spate of texts where I even said ‘enjoy with your girlfriend’ & he told me he’s with his male friend,who I’ve met, & there wasn’t anything ‘sinister’ to his no show.I was so furious that I gave him an ultimatum (and I know that’s not done but I was terribly upset my Fri was going down the gurgler)-‘either turn up or no need to bother with tomorrow’.He texted back to tell me he didn’t appreciate it & that it’s upto me if I wanted him over on Saturday.I texted him later & said I knew where I stood & it’s upto him to attend the party-no red carpet. Yes I was being nasty cos I was hurting.

    Am really upset.I’ve never been stood up before so this hurts. Also the unpleasant tiff has left a bad taste in my mouth. How I spent the night & saturday only I know. Am going overseas in less than 3 weeks so I want to spend as much time as I can with him – Fri would have been perfect…leading into Sat. 

    On Sat I texted & apologized – told him I was upset & a bit tipsy. Asked him if was turning up for the party. He didn’t respond. Later that evening when my friends had arrived I called & left a voice message telling him excitedly that we were expecting him. Nothing. He didn’t show & now it’s more than 24 hours since our heated exchange. 

    If I were him I would have turned up with a bunch of flowers & a sorry note. But I know he’s desperately looking for work & is drinking quite a bit – maybe even a bit depressed.

    Earlier in the week when I took over 9 hrs to respond to his text he texted ‘are you not talking to me anymore?’. Our texts on that day ended with him saying ‘good night princess’. And now he stands me up twice & hurts me…yes I lashed out but I have apologized. This is confusing. I’ve decided not to contact him anymore but it truly hurts 🙁 

    Have I messed it up? What do I do? 



  271.  #271Rhia on August 20, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    I’ve been dating this guy for over a month now.I fell for him on our first date-he’s told me he likes me too.We’ve met each others friends. I had a home party y’day (Sat) & he was invited.When I was confirming with him on Friday he asked what my plans were for Fri evening.I told him I was out with the girls for after work drinks.Since he’s been going through tough times I invited him to dinner even though I wanted my me-time. He agreed.I rush home & get all dolled up, put the garlic bread in the oven-nothing.An hour later I text him.I send another text.A bit later I call him & leave a voice message.He’s normally good at texting back.He rings me back & by then I had downed a bottle of wine out of frustration & since I was waiting for him I hadn’t eaten either.He apologizes & tells me he’s in a far away suburb & had ‘lost track of time’.I was livid!I told him I couldn’t believe I left the girls early only to be stood up.He’s never done this before & in fact arrives before time.I tell him to come over but he says he has no transport.He tells me he’ll see me on Sat. Infuriated I hung up.We exchanged a spate of texts where I even said ‘enjoy with your girlfriend’ & he told me he’s with his male friend,who I’ve met, & there wasn’t anything ‘sinister’ to his no show.I was so furious that I gave him an ultimatum (and I know that’s not done but I was terribly upset my Fri was going down the gurgler)-‘either turn up or no need to bother with tomorrow’.He texted back he didn’t appreciate it & that it’s upto me if I wanted him over on Sat.I texted him later & said I knew where I stood & it’s upto him to attend the party-no red carpet. Yes I was being nasty cos I was hurting.Really upset.I’ve never been stood up before so this hurts. Also the unpleasant tiff has left a bad taste in my mouth. How I spent the night & saturday only I know. Am going overseas in less than 3 weeks so I want to spend as much time as I can with him.On Sat I texted & apologized-told him I was upset & tipsy.Asked him if was turning up for the party.No response.Later when my friends had arrived I called & left a voice message telling him excitedly that we were expecting him.Nothing.He didn’t show & now it’s more than 24 hours since our heated exchange. I know he’s desperately looking for work & is drinking quite a bit – maybe even a bit depressed.Earlier in the week when I took over 9 hrs to respond to his text he texted ‘are you not talking to me anymore?’. Our texts on that day ended with him saying ‘good night princess’. And now he stands me up twice.Yes I lashed out but I’ve apologized.Confusing.Not contacting him anymore but it truly hurts :(Any insight?



  272.  #272Rhia on August 20, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    I’ve been dating this guy for over a month now.I fell for him on our first date-he’s told me he likes me too.We’ve met each others friends.Had a home party y’day (Sat) & he was invited.When I was confirming with him on Fri he asked about my plans Fri evening.I told him I was out with the girls.Since he’s been going through tough times I invited him to dinner even though I wanted my me-time.He agreed.I rush home,get dolled up,put garlic bread in the oven-nothing.An hour later I text him.I send another text.A bit later I call him,leave a voice msg.He’s normally good at texting back.He rings me.By then I had downed a bottle of wine out of frustration & hadn’t eaten either.He apologized telling me he’s in a far away suburb & had ‘lost track of time’.I was livid!I told him I left the girls early to be stood up.He’s never done this before & in fact arrives before time.I tell him to come over but he says he has no transport.He tells me he’ll see me on Sat. Furious I hung up.We exchanged a spate of texts where I even said ‘enjoy with your girlfriend’ & he told me he’s with his male friend,who I’ve met,& there’s nothing ‘sinister’.I was so furious that I gave him an ultimatum (I know that’s wrong but I was terribly upset)-‘either turn up or no need to bother with tomorrow’.He texted back he didn’t appreciate it & that it’s upto me if I wanted him over on Sat.I texted him later & said I knew where I stood & it’s upto him to attend the party-no red carpet. Yes I was being nasty cos I was hurting.Really upset.I’ve never been stood up before.Also the unpleasant tiff has left a bad taste.Am going overseas in less than 3 weeks so I want to spend as much time as I can with him.On Sat I texted & apologized-told him I was upset & tipsy.Asked him if was turning up for the party.No response.Later when my friends had arrived I called & left a voice message telling him excitedly that we were expecting him.Nothing.He didn’t show & now it’s more than 24 hours since our heated exchange.I know he’s desperately looking for work & is drinking quite a bit-maybe depressed.Earlier in the week when I took over 9 hrs to respond to his text he texted ‘are you not talking to me anymore?’.Our texts on that day ended with him saying ‘good night princess’.And now he stands me up twice.Yes I lashed out but I’ve apologized.Confusing.Not contacting him anymore but it truly hurts :(Any insight?



  273.  #273Rhia on August 21, 2011 at 2:29 am

    I’ve been dating this guy for over a month now. I fell for him on our first date – he’s told me he likes me too. We’ve met each others friends. I had a home party y’day (Sat) evening & he was invited. When I was confirming with him on Friday he asked what my plans were for the Friday evening. I told him I was out with the girls. I asked him what he’s upto – I didn’t really want him over on that day since I had had a very hectic week – just wanted my me-time. Since he’s been going through some tough times I invited him over for dinner. He agreed. So I rush home & get all dolled up, put the garlic bread in the oven – nothing. After waiting for an hour I text him….again a bit later I send another text. A bit later I call him & leave a voice message – it was a sweet message – cheeky but nothing bad. He’s normally good at texting back. He rings me back & by then I had downed a bottle of wine out of frustration. He apologizes & tells me he’s in a far away suburb & had ‘lost track of time’ – I was livid!! I told him I couldn’t believe I left the girls early only to be stood up. He has never done this before & in fact arrives before time for dates. I tell him to come over but he says he has no transport. So he tells me he’ll see me on Saturday. ‘Oh so he’ll turn up as & when he wants’ I thought. Infuriated I hung up. I texted him & asked him how he could make arrangements with me & then not show up. Anyway we exchanged a spate of texts where I even said ‘enjoy with your girlfriend’ & he told me he’s with his male friend, who I’ve met, & there wasn’t anything ‘sinister’ to his no show. I was so furious that I gave him an ultimatum (and I know that’s not done but I was terribly upset my Friday was going down the gurgler) – ‘you either turn up or no need to bother with tomorrow’. He texted back to tell me he didn’t appreciate it & that it’s upto me if I wanted him over for the party. What the hell!! So he’s obliging me by turning up for the party? I texted him later & said I knew where I stood & it’s upto him to attend – no red carpet for him since he’s like any other friend. Yes I was being nasty cos I was hurting. I also wanted him to realise he’s not so important that I have to treat him special.

    Am really upset I’ve never been stood up before so this hurts. Also the unpleasant tiff has left a bad taste in my mouth. How I spent the night only I know. Am going overseas in less than 3 weeks so I want to spend as much time as I can with him – Friday would have been perfect…leading into Saturday.

    On Saturday I texted and apologized to him explaining I was tipsy and upset since I had changed my plans for him. I asked him if he was turning up for the party. No answer. Once my friends turned up I gave him a buzz and left a voice message in an excited voice telling him we were expecting him. Nothing. It’s almost the end of Sunday now and he still hasn’t contacted me. I don’t know what to make of this since earlier in the week when I had taken about 9 hours to answer his text he had texted ‘are you not talking to me anymore?’ to me. And all through the week he’d been sending me nice texts and calling me ‘princess’ and really building upto the weekend.

    He quit his job over 3 weeks back and I know he’s struggling with finances and to find a new job. I have helped him a bit and he’s landed an interview on Tuesday out of the ones I passed on to him. I’ve never harassed him with texts and have given him plenty of space and support through these weeks. He’s been drinking heavily I know. Maybe even slightly depressed.

    I have a fantastic job, 2 houses, a budding art career and a busy social life. So I am not depending on him to have a life. As I mentioned earlier he has met a lot of my friends and they all like him. He introduced me to some of his a week back and I was taken by surprise. I really like him…normally it takes me 2/3 months to warm upto a guy and this is the first time I have fallen for someone so soon. But he doesn’t seem to mind that…if anything he’s told me he likes me too.

    I am not going to contact him anymore. He can have his space and time. I have sincerely apologized and if this one misdemeanor outweighs all the support and affection I have given him, then I am confounded.

    Any insight will help! Thanks in advance!



  274.  #274rosalietrue on November 2, 2012 at 2:35 am

    Rhia, Simply Shannon and Jennifer,

    I know it’s frustrating when you feel you’re practising all the tools (except Rhia-why are you calling him? You think it will work some magic on the guy you like but the thing is, the only person they’re supposed to work on is YOU. These guys are testing you, not purposely, but you wouldn’t have the opportunity to grown if they weren’t men you’re attracted to. This is where the proof of your actions, your resolve, is really in the pudding.
    I’m proud of you for not giving in. Like Rori says, your holding out for a Great relationship. Focus on this not the man, especially if he’s not stepping up. And don’t let any man distract you from this. I can say this because I’ve had exactly the same experiences Circular dating. At first not meeting men I like then meeting Mr Desires. that’s when the tools can be thrown out the window. Like you, a guy guilt tripped me because I was dating other guys and I felt really bad. He succeeded for a while. But in the end I said not to the crumbs he was offering despite his protests. These guys are gonna protest because they’re not getting their way for once in their lives.
    And Rhia, honestly his problems aren’t any excuse for his inability, unwillingness to pursue you or be slack. Stop babying him. Honour what you want!



  275.  #275Popsicletoes53 on November 7, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Rhia, your story was very enlightening to me… thank you so much for sharing. Your experience is exactly what happens to me when I lose focus on my tools. I get insecure… go into psycho mode.. and then do something I regret. I find the reason why I freak out and get upset and angry with him is because I quit using the tools.. I went back to my old way of doing things.. and since I am responsible for me and my experiences with men.. I created that unhappy outcome.

    When I stay centered.. the man’s response is not my reward.. me feeling empowered and in control of me is my reward. The man’s response is just the icing on the cake. It is really about having the relationship that you want.

    So lets use your story to illustrate what I mean…
    You had it in your mind what you wanted to happen.. but you did not follow the plan that would at least give you a better chance to get what you wanted than the old ways of doing things. That is how I see the story.

    So it truly is focusing on “the plan”… stating your feelings in a respectful way… not blaming.. no pressuring.. pulling back a little bit.. and allowing him to “get” you.

    The beauty of all of this is you can begin in an instant to get centered and pick up those tools and begin using them again. It can happen that quickly you can flip your vibe.

    As far as the circular dating… I only have one man that I have met and had a date with…none of my other contacts have led to a first meet.. more than likely due to the proximity of the men being further away. But I still enjoy texting and talking with them.. and am open to them coming to see me.. and guy I really like has felt the CD vibe.. and he has stepped up.

    How I see it is this.. you know the old way doesn’t work so why not try a different approach… even for a month… and if you have to tape the “rules” to your bathroom mirror.. and read them every day..

    Let this current guy go… but when he contacts you use the tools..start over with him…

    I have starting using the tools on an old relationship.. my now just friend sent me an email and I sent him a chat message thanking him for the information.. using my feeling words and sentences.. just to practice… and maybe even a little curious as to what might happen.. He is still my friend and I care about him… so my feeling messages are genuine..

    Anyway, be blessed… go over the rules… set your boundaries.. and let go of your expectations for this guy… you probably will be surprised…